


The War In Your Head Will Shoot You Down Dead

by Stoleapartofme



Category: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Drunk Harry, Drunk Louis, Fictional parents, Fluff, Gemma - Freeform, High Harry, Jay - Freeform, Jay dies, Lots of Crying, Lots of wine, Lottie - Freeform, Louis has a cat, M/M, Manipulation, Metal health, PLEASE READ TAGS, Pain, Past Abuse, Please Be careful, Prostitute, Prostitution, Rich Louis, Smoking Louis, Smut, Talk of Rape, Tomlinson Family, Triggers, and enjoy, bipolar!harry, depressed!harry, foster kid, foster kid Gemma, foster kid Harry, gun - Freeform, he is the true star of this story, his name is collin, non con, rich!louis, sorry to spoil but I need to warn those who need it, talk of abuse, weapon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 07:56:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 48,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16572692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stoleapartofme/pseuds/Stoleapartofme
Summary: “You don't believe in happy endings?” Louis asks him.“Everything fails eventually," Harry replies, eyes getting wetter by the second.“Well maybe it’d be different with us,” Louis says, voice soft as he reaches over in search of Harry's hand.“A maybe is not a definite Louis,” Harry mutters as he pulls his hands out of reach.“Then let me make it a definite," Louis whispers, suddenly gripping his hand and squeezing it so tight Harry thinks it could bruise. “Let me show you how good it could be.”Or the one where Harry has too many walls put in place to protect himself and Louis really just wants to make his new neighbour smile.





	The War In Your Head Will Shoot You Down Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Well... this piece has been a looong time coming. 3 years to be exact. But it’s here!!!
> 
> This was inspired by so many movies and songs, but originally started after watching Good Will Hunting and Are We Offically Dating?. Weird mix I know but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> PLEASE READ THE TAGS. There’s discussions and descriptions of violence, abuse, metal health and rape in this story so please proceed with caution. There is also a character death so please don’t hate me. 
> 
> Big thanks to Morgann for being my beta. 
> 
> There is also a playlist on Spotify for those interested. Just type TWIYHWSYDD and it should come up. 
> 
> You can also follow my tumblrs @fortheloveoflm and @husbandrecs
> 
> Enjoy. Peace.

Harry had only been living in his apartment for just over two hours when there was a knock at the door. Knowing Liam was preoccupied with his bed linen, Harry pushes himself up from the couch and goes to answer his door for the very first time.  

“Yes?” He greets, staring at a man holding out a plate of mostly burnt cookies. He’s pretty, hair swept across his forehead and blue eyes glittering at him. 

“Hi!” The mans chirps back, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m Louis! Louis Tomlinson.” 

Louis. It's not a bad name. Quite lovely actually. Harry wishes he could say the same about his cookies. 

“…I live across the hall, I made you these!” He exclaims excitedly as he forces the plate of coal cookies into Harry’s hands. “Just wanted to say welcome to the building!” He continues with a swish of his hand as he gestures around the hall. 

Harry learns instantly this man has no sense of personal space and that he’s very loud for such a small person. He sniffs the cookies, eyeing the charcoal lumps nervously.  

“They’re not poisonous, I swear,” Louis assures him instantly. “A little on the crisp side but can we just pretend?” 

“Burnt side,” Harry mutters under his breath before nodding. “I can’t wait to try them?” He tries.  

“That’s the spirit!” Louis says happily, smacking Harry's bicep.  The man is oddly strong too, Harry notes. “Well, I'll see you round.” 

Harry watches as the man turns around and opens what Harry presumes to be his apartment’s door directly opposite his. He frowns at his bright red socks printed with tiny tigers.

“Hey wait!” Louis stops, turning back to face him. “I never got your name.” 

“Oh, erm. Harry. Styles.” 

The man, Louis, nods his head, offering a wave of his dainty hand, “Welcome to the building Oh Erm Harry Styles!” before he slips inside. 

“It's just Harry.” He muttered, sighing as he steps back into his own apartment.  

“Who was that Baby?” Liam asks curiously as Harry walks past his friend and towards the kitchen. 

“Nobody,” he mutters as he tosses the cookies and places the hideous green and orange plate into the sink. Harry's never been good at pretending. 

\- 

When Louis noticed the moving van outside his building he couldn't help but be excited. When Mrs. Thompson had told him a month ago she was moving into a nursing home because the arthritis in her hands was becoming too painful for her to cook and clean, Louis almost jumped for joy. Don't get him wrong, Louis loved Mrs. Thompson, but he was just hoping someone younger and fitter and of the male gender was moving in, that's all. Louis sure was going to miss her peanut butter cookies though. She had given him the recipe the day before she left but Louis had yet to attempt the art of baking, of cooking really. His pantry is filled with mostly crisps and packets of minute noodles. Mrs. Thompson had always expressed her hatred for Louis’ love of pot noodles as she handed over numerous casseroles and lasagnas. Louis never minded though, as long as he had those cookies for pudding. 

Louis flicks his fag to the pavement as he walks into his building early on a Sunday morning. 

“Walk of shame eh Lou?” Niall Horan, third floor, grinned at him from where he was checking his mailbox in the lobby.  

“I prefer the term ‘laid parade’ if you please,” Louis tells him as he swoops in to place a kiss on his cheek. “Saw Zayn again," he confesses with a blush.

"That's twice in like three days!" Niall says, voice a little shocked. "Do you think something might come of it?"

Louis shakes his head. "Zayn's nice and all, but I'm happy with the sex for now," he tells him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a new neighbour to snoop out.” 

“Oh yeah! I saw im’ earlier,” Niall tells him as he locks his mailbox.  

“And?! Horan don't hold back! I need details! Details!” 

“Alright alright, don't get ya knickers in a twist!” He cackles. 

“It's actually a thong today, thank you. Lime green with a little bow.” 

Niall just laughs harder. He’s 92% sure Louis is lying, but he wouldn't put it past the man to actually be wearing said green thong right now. “He came in with a mate. Dark hair, light eyes, tall. Posh but moody looking.” 

“Fit?” 

"Aren't you dating Zayn?"

"Not dating," Louis corrected quickly. "Besides," he says with a shrug. "No harm in admiring from afar. So, fit?"

“Lou, you know I don't like-“ 

“Dammit Horan, just answer the question!”  

“Stunner.” 

“Excellent,” Louis grins wickedly, eyes shining as he hops over to the elevator, making his way to his apartment. 

-

Smoke fills Louis’ kitchen, the smell of burnt peanuts filling the air, a constant string of “ _ shitshitshit _ !" coming from Louis’ mouth as he tries to save the tray of cookies currently turning to charcoal in his oven. Louis reached for the oven mitts, yanking the oven door open and sputtering at the smoke. “Fuck!” He huffs as he drops the tray of burnt cookies onto his countertop. “ _ Damn it. _ ”  

Whenever Louis sets out to cook, he always has high hopes for his creations. Yet there always seems to be a dark cloud hanging over his kitchen, because everything will be running smoothly one second and the next there's smoke clouding the air or pancake batter coating his ceiling. Good intentions and prayers to God are mixed in with the whirlwind that is Louis’ cooking, but no matter what he always proves his sister Lottie’s words to be far too true; “ _ Lou, you can't cook for shit. _ ” And he knows it as he places the burnt cookies onto a cooling rack he doesn't even remember buying. 

“They're not too burnt right?” He asks his cat, Collin, who’s currently watching the carnage from a safe distance. 

The cat gives him a tired look before jumping off the kitchen table to curl his way around Louis’ ankles. “They’re too burnt,” he agrees with a loud sigh, tossing the oven mitts aside. “Not now Col, I'm trying to impress our new hottie of a neighbour.” Collin makes a disgusted noise before running off. Louis think his new neighbour might do something similar.  

\- 

The next time Louis talks with his neighbour after what he likes to refer to as ‘The Unfortunate Cookie Catastrophe’, is almost a week later in the lobby. Louis hasn’t been up long when he wanders downstairs to check his mail, hair a right mess and still in his rumpled sleep clothes.  

“Oh,” he sounds, pausing as he sees Harry's groomed hair and well dressed figure. “You're alive!” He grins, very possibly being too loud for this time of day.  

Actually, what is the time? Louis’ not too sure. 

Harry turns to him, fingers frozen from where they were flipping through his mail. He offers a polite smile before turning back to his letters. 

Louis chuckles, walking past Harry to get to his- Woah! “Damn, where'd you get all that from?” Louis blurts, eyes trained on the thick roll of cash in Harry's hand.  

Harry shys away from him, stuffing the money back into the envelope. “No where,” he mutters. 

Louis shrugs, unfazed as he moves to open his mail hole. He pulls out a few bills and a letter from his Mum. He instantly rips it open, eyes shining as he smiles at the familiar handwriting.  _ Home _ . He misses home.  

He's caught up in thoughts of his Mum’s plum pudding and Sunday roasts with his siblings when there's a cough behind him. He looks over his shoulder to see Harry standing there. “Er, yes?” He questions, blinking at him. This boy is awfully quiet. Louis’ not sure if he likes that. Not sure if he likes him.  

“I have your plate,” Harry states simply.  

“Plate?” Louis frowns at him. Plate…Plate! Cookie plate! Plate that held the cookies. That plate. “Oh! Yes! I would like my plate,” he says, holding out the hand that's not holding his letters.  

Harry doesn't say or give anything, just spins on his heel and heads for the lift.  

Louis follows after him of course. He doesn't know what it is about his neighbour, but he seems overly confident, never looking back at Louis until he reached his door. Louis’ intrigued.  

“Wait here,” he rumbles lowly as he slips inside and closes the door on Louis. 

Louis frowns but waits, staring at the ugly blue colour of the door.  

“Here,” Harry says as he pulls the door open halfway and passes the plate through the gap.  

Louis takes it from him, eyes narrowing. “What? You hiding drugs in there or somethin’?” 

Harry's face hardens, “Why on earth would you ask that?” 

“Woah mate,” Louis says, taking a step back. “Just a joke. You know, something someone says to tease and/or make someone laugh.” 

Harry doesn't laugh, although his face does smooth out. “Hm,” he hums. “Almost as funny as your plate.” 

Louis tilts his head curiously. “What's wrong with it?”  

Harry smirks slightly, door slipping open more as he leans against the frame. “I didn't want to say anything, but your plate is hideous.”  

Louis laughs, looking at the orange and green marbled swirl. “It was a house warming gift from my youngest sisters. They seemed to like it so,” he shrugs, eyes fond as he looks back up at Harry.  

Harry offers another polite smile and nods. 

Louis squints a little at the flash of emotion in Harry's eyes. 

“Well, bye then Louis Tomlinson.”  

Before Louis can reply the door is closed and he’s is left frowning again. Louis doesn't like to be left frowning, it causes wrinkles.

\- 

"-and Collin has also decided he no longer likes fish so I'm feeding him these beefy things, which smell weirdly good for some reason," Louis tells his mother. She'd asked how the cat was before him, how offensive. "And that's basically it for him. I'm okay by the way, thanks for asking." 

He can practically feel her rolling her eyes. "How are you, my lovely Boobear?" She teases. 

"Sorry, no Boobear here," he says back. "But if there was he'd say he's doing fine and to thank his grandparents for leaving him a fortune."

"Louis!" Jay scolds. 

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Louis rushes. "That's what you get for calling me Boobear."

"Yeah yeah, okay fair," Jay says. "Anything else new?"

"Um....I have a new neighbour."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He seems okay," Louis explains as Collin jumps into his lap. "Not very chatty but I've always liked people like that. Leaves more room for me to talk."

"Yeah, you have always been the chatterbox friend."

Louis just smiles as he asks how the girls and newest set of twins are going. 

-

Louis sees Harry 3 days later, standing in his doorway with a good looking man. The man’s fingers are hooked in the loops of Harry's jeans and he's calling him “Baby” and he must whispering cheeky things because Harry is smiling this bizarrely bashful smile, huge dimples popping his cheeks as he giggles quietly. His eyes flick to Louis, who's standing frozen, three bags of groceries in his arms and his key between his teeth. Louis offers him a nod.  

Harry’s gaze turns back to the man as he smacks his chest playfully.  

Of course. 

_ Of course _ .  

Louis makes a quick dash to his apartment, only struggling mildly to get his door open. “He’s taken!” He wails miserably, burying his face into the fluffy cushions on his couch, grocery bags forgot on the kitchen table and Collin circling on his lower back, making himself comfortable as he settles on Louis’ sweater. “I mean, of course he is,” he moans, feeling more miserable with every second that passes. Collin gives a loud purr, curling up in the creamy material. Louis pulls his phone from his back pocket and hits speed dial three; Niall.  

“Posh Spice is taken!” Louis wails instantly.  

Niall makes a confused sound on the other end. “…’fuck you on about?” 

“New Fitty Neighbour is taken!” Louis wails again.  

“Ah. How you know?” He asks through a yawn. 

Louis knows instantly he's woken Niall up from his usual early afternoon nap, but he doesn't care. His new neighbour is taken and he wants to cry and eat half a cheesecake.  

“I didn't even get a chance to offer him my exceptional dick sucking skills Niall!”  

Niall just yawns again. Unfazed.  

“Ugh!” Louis groans loudly, hiding his face further into the couch cushion. “He was attractive too, not as good as Stunner Harry but-. Why are all the good ones taken?!” 

“Would you quit wailin', you're givin’ me a headache!” 

Louis whines into the cushion. Correction: a whole cheesecake. 

“How do you know he was his boyfriend? Maybe they're just friends.”  

“They were all close and cuddly and Harry completely ignored me. They were totally boyfriends Niall,” Louis explained to him, voice glum and lips pulled into a frown. 

“Ah, damn. That sucks Lou. Do you want to go for a drink tonight? Take your mind off Baby Spice,” Niall offers gently. 

“Posh Spice,” Louis corrects him. “And no, I want to wallow in my own self pity and filth.” 

“Alright. You're choice. See ya Lou.” 

Louis hangs up without a goodbye. He knows Niall will understand. He continues to stay miserable for all of two minutes before he pushes up from the couch, Collin giving a loud whine as he's disturbed from his slumber. “Sorry Col, but I've got to learn how to make a cheesecake.” 

\- 

“Ohh,” Louis hums, nodding his head. “So you can either bake or fridge set a cheesecake. Interesting stuff.” Scrolling down the recipe on his phone, Louis continues to fill his basket with the ingredients needed to make Citrus Cheesecake with Candied Lime.  

He ignores the odd looks as he continues to talks to himself and strolls through the isles. Harry may be taken and not in need of Louis supreme dick sucking skills, but who can say no to cheesecake? No one. Everyone loves a good cheesecake!

\- 

“I hate cheesecake.” 

Louis almost snaps the plate in half. “What? You can't! Everyone likes cheesecake.” 

“Everyone but me,” Harry tells him.  

Louis can feel his mouth pulling downwards. “Is it because I cooked it? Because I swear it’ll be better than my cookies.” 

Harry eyes the sweet. It does look remarkably like a cheesecake. Perhaps a little lopsided, but a cheesecake nonetheless. That could be a good sign.  

“Would you like to try some over a brew?” Louis offers further.  

Harry gives a short nod. “Alright.” 

Louis grins and doesn't stop as he leads Harry back into his flat, doesn’t stop while he makes a fresh pot of tea or when he serves Harry a slice and sits opposite him at his table.  

Harry gives an awkward smile as he pours a tea for himself. “Stop smiling Louis.” 

“Sorry,” Louis says, shaking his head as he sips from his own mug. “I'm just excited for you to taste it.” 

Harry tries to smile but it turns into a weird grimace. Louis finds it strangely attractive.  

“Go on,” he pushes, nudging Harry's spoon towards him. “If it's shit I'll buy you pizza.” 

“I hate pizza,” Harry mutters as he presses the spoon into the cake. It appears smooth. Another good sign.  

Louis huffs loudly. “Well what food do you like?”  

“Broccoli,” Harry answers before he squeezes his eyes closed and shoves the spoonful into his mouth. He chews, mouth freezing halfway through his third chew. Bad sign. Abort. Abort! 

“Well?” Louis asks hopefully, eyes shining. 

Harry chews again, slowly. He makes a choked noise before he gags and races to the sink, spitting his mouthful out with a disgusted shout. 

Louis frowns, quickly spooning off a bite of his own slice and shoving it into his mouth.  

Oh no. Oh no! He's made such a bad mistake. The most horrible awful probably worst mistake ever! In baking history! 

“Louis!” Harry cries as he shoves his head under the faucet to flush his mouth with water, hacking away into the sink. “You used salt instead of sugar! You have a saltcake not a cheesecake.” 

Louis swallows his mouthful slowly, making a disgusted noise. “Well fuck.” Baking: 2 Louis: 0.

“How is that even possible?!” Harry continues. “You are the worst cook I've ever met.”  

“Cook slash baker,” Louis corrects.  

Harry turns to him, wipes his mouth on his sleeve. “Sorry. Cook slash baker.” 

Louis shrugs as he picks up the plate and carries it to the bin, throwing his salty creation out with an audible splat.  

“Hey,” Harry sighs, voice full of pity. “I'm sorry.” 

“Don't be. It's just a stupid salt lick right?” Harry can tell Louis is disappointed.  

“Hey, if I was a horse I would have gobbled it down.” 

Louis gives a small chuckle. “Thanks.” 

“Seriously! I would have been all up in that cake like a-“ 

“-fly to horse shit,” Louis finishes, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.  

“Not the analogy I would have used but yeah, something like that.”.  

Louis smiles. “Want to finish your tea?” 

Harry looks at his watch. “I've actually gotta go.”  

Louis isn't surprised he doesn't want to rain check. “Sorry for almost killing you.”  

Harry laughs softly, smiling. “Don't worry about it.”  

Louis does. He worries about it a whole lot. 

\--

H:

_ Neighbour Louis tried to feed me salt cheesecake. _

Lima:

_ Is that a new health trend thing? _

\--

"...Alright, you've been laughing for two minutes straight, I'm hanging up."

"Oh stop being so dramatic Lou," His mother laughs down the line. 

"Mum! This is serious, I could have killed him."

"Oh Louis, I don't think you could have killed him," Jay laughs, attempting to reassure her son. "I'm sure you'll laugh about it in a few weeks. He seems like a sweet boy, I'm sure he won't hold it against you."

Louis just grunts in response. 

When they finally hang up, he calls Niall straight away. His mother was unhelpful so maybe Niall can help him.

“You should have seen him Niall! He almost coughed up a lung!” Louis cries into the phone, Collin’s tail curled around his neck from where he lay on Louis’ chest. 

“…I just don't understand why you had that much salt.” 

“Because I use to own fish Niall, God that's not the point. Would you shut up and help me! I need a simple but spectacular recipe to blow Harry away with.” 

“Why don't you just blow Harry?” 

Louis hangs up. Nope. Not helpful at all. 

\-- 

“Same time next week Baby?”  

Harry nods as he accepts the money held in a pale, cold hand. “I'll be here,” he answers and watches as the man grabs his boots and coat and leaves. “Not like I've got anything better to do,” he mutters to himself as he yawns and scratches at his bare stomach. He pulls himself from his bed and stretches up towards the ceiling, hearing his back give several aching cracks. Harry pads into the kitchen to put the kettle on the stove, giving another yawn as he waits for it to boil. He was tired today, not just of his job but his life. He was just so tired of it all.

A sharp knock on his door pulled Harry from his thoughts, and he sighs as moved to his door and pulled it open a crack. He wondered if Louis had seen him or if he could close the door and pretend he wasn't home.  

“Ello Harold!” 

Shit. He's been spotted.  

“It’s just Harry,” he greeted, voice tired and scratchy, his eyes flashing down to Louis’ hands. Empty. “No sweets today?” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “No need to sound so happy about it.” 

Harry bit back a grin, looking at the orange socks poking out of Louis' trainers. “Sorry. No sweets today?” He tries again, voice painfully disappointed.  

“Add a pout and you've nailed it.” 

Harry laughed softly in reply. “What can I do for you then, Louis?” 

“I was just wondering if you were busy this Friday night?”  

“I am actually,” Harry answers.  

Louis tries to fight back his pout. “Ah, that's okay. I was just throwing a little party and wanted to invite you but, I mean, if you come home and we're still going, feel free to swing by yeah?” He offers what he hopes is a casual invite. 

Harry nods. “Oh yeah, for sure. I might check it out.” 

Louis grins at Harry's words. “Great! Maybe see you Friday then.” 

“Yeah,” Harry says. “Maybe.” 

\-- 

H:

_ This Louis guy is truly truly annoying. _

Lima:

_ U only say that cause u want his ass! _

H:

_ You're disgusting.  _

\--

Louis is very  _ very _ drunk when he spots curly hair and cherry lips standing by his front door, eyes scanning the crowd of people filling Louis' living room.

"Harold!" He calls over the music, pushing through a couple of people dancing and stumbling over to the tall boy. Harry can smell the smoke and alcohol on his breath from here. 

"It’s Harry," Harry grumbles as he nods at Louis, giving a small smile. "Hey...um, nice party."

Louis giggled, grinning as he gestures over his shoulder. "A few extra people came," he shrugged. "No big deal."

Harry nodded a little. "That's cool, just uh- Could you maybe tone it down a little? I'm trying to get some sleep."

Only now does Louis notice Harry's wearing tight, grey sweatpants and a soft looking lilac jumper. Purple looks good on him.

"Wait...you're not here to party?" Louis' pout is heavy.

"No, I'm ready for bed," Harry answers, and he looks so soft and rumpled and Louis kind of wants to tell everyone to go home so he and Harry can cuddle on the sofa. Again, Louis is very very drunk.

"But Niall made a wicked playlist and I created 'Louis' Surprise Punch'!" Louis continued to whine, words slurring together slightly.

"You really expect me to try anything with the words 'Louis' and 'Surprise' in the title?" 

"Heyyy," Louis whines but he's laughing. 

Harry just crosses his arms and smirks, leaning against the door jam. 

"One drink?" Louis tempts him, holding his fists under his chin and putting up one finger. 

Harry sighs in defeat as he nods. "One."

-

Four Gin&Tonic's and three cups of ‘Louis', surprisingly delicious, Surprise Punch’ later, Harry's cheeks are flushed pink and his lips even rosier as he giggles loudly with Niall as he tells Harry about some crazy story involving nudity, sushi and a frog onesie. It's probably more stupid than funny but Harry feels pleasantly buzzed and he likes the way Louis' keeps squeezing his shoulder as he laughs along beside him. 

"...I kept finding dried rice for days," Niall wheezed as he cackles with the pair. 

"Told you he was the man Harold! Didn't I tell you he was the man!?" Louis' yelling into his ear, but Harry doesn't care, just pushes further into Louis' touch as he chuckles into his cup. 

"You did, you told me," Harry agrees, looking down at Louis over the rim of his cup. "You know it all don't you Lewis?"

Louis' face scrunches, nose wrinkling as he shakes his head. "Louis," he corrects.

"Lewis," Harry giggled harder.  

Niall eyed the pair, lips pulling into a smirk before he catches a waft of some blonde's fruity perfume and he's suddenly following after her like a puppy.

"So," Louis starts, grabbing Harry's attention. "What's your story?"

"My story..." Harry mumbled, taking another sip from his cup. 

"Yeah, you know! Your likes, your dislikes, kinks and fetishes," Louis grinned, eyes crinkling at the sides. 

"Well... I've always had a thing for older men," Harry tells him, giving Louis a quick once over and a wink before making his way back towards the kitchen. 

Louis stands there fish-mouthed and blushing. Louis was older. Louis was a man. Maybe Harry didn't totally hate him after all.

-

Somewhere during the night Harry had ditched his jumper ( _ “It’s getting hot in here.” “So take off all your clothes!” _ ), opting to walk around in his well worn white t-shirt. If Louis squints, he swears he can see nipples. Lots of nipples. He doesn’t exactly know how but he ends up in the bathroom dressed in said jumper and desperate for a piss. He’s half through relieving himself when he'd heard a small whine and turned to see messy curls and a drink-stained lump in his tub. 

"Harry?" He whispered as he finished off and zipped himself back up. 

Harry just whines again, covering his eyes with his hands. "Turn'na light off," he grumbled in reply. 

"Harry," Louis said again, dropping to his knees to tap at his shoulder. "You're in me tub," he laughed. Everything seemed to be funny. "C'n you walk?"

Harry removed his hands and blinked up at Louis, nodding slowly. "I can walk."

"Hop up then," Louis said as he wrapped an arm around his waist. "M'walk you home."

Harry grabbed Louis' shoulders and hoisted himself up with minimal trouble. He clung to Louis as the pair stumbled slightly out the bathroom and back down the hall, heading for the front door. 

"Silly socks," Harry giggles loudly as they stop outside his door.

Louis looks at his french fry printed socks and smiles his thank you.

Harry then reaches out and opens his front door, letting go of Louis and placing a hand on his chest. "M'good from here," he slurred, patting Louis' cheek.

"Harry, c'mon, you can hardly stand," Louis said as he reached out to grip his hips as Harry wobbled on his legs. Maybe Louis should start calling him Bambi. 

"M'fine," Harry insisted. 

"What are you hiding from me in there?" Louis meant it as a joke, but by the look on Harry's face, he didn't get it. 

"Why are you always asking me questions? Mind your own business!" He snapped as he shoved Louis' chest and slammed the door in his face. 

Louis doesn't have the energy to stand there. So he heads back to his flat, bypasses the last few party goers and collapses in his bed, mind foggy and body buzzed. It's not long before Collin sits on Louis' face while he's passed out. 

—

H:

_ Im drunk and Louis is sooooooo pretty  _

Lima:

_ Go get him then! _

H:

_ SHHH sleep timenow  .xx _

—

Louis doesn't see Harry all the weekend to follow. He'd never admit it, but Louis even pressed his ear to Harry's door Sunday morning to listen for any signs of movement but alas, nothing. He'd never meant to upset Harry, it's the last thing he'd want to do. Louis can't help but feel guilty and worried as he watches the last few drops fall from the wine bottle and into his glass. Just a typical Sunday night.  His neighbour was the most mysterious person Louis had ever met. He could say something so simple to Harry and he would take it the completely wrong way. It was so frustrating to Louis. He told himself he didn't care. He didn't need to know where Harry was or that he was okay. He didn't. He didn't! Louis lies a lot. 

\-- 

“Should we be worried?”  

Niall shrugs his shoulder as he continues to watch his breakfast omelette sizzle in the pan. “I mean, you hardly even know him Lou.” 

Louis sighs into his mug as he brings it to his lips, the scent of English Breakfast filling his nostrils. “I know just…- It's Tuesday and still no sign.” 

“Maybe he went to visit his Ma or somethin’,” Niall replies as he pokes the egg with a fork. 

Louis just takes another sip of tea. 

\-- 

When Louis answers the door Wednesday night he expects Chinese food, not a rumpled and bruised Harry Styles standing there in a dirty jacket and scuffed boots.

“Um, hey.” 

Louis just stares.  

“I lost my key. Would it be okay if I crash here till morning?”  

More staring. 

“Louis?” Harry's about to click his fingers when Louis nods suddenly, stepping aside to let him in. Harry steps into the apartment and heads to the couch, pulling off his jacket. 

“You're bleeding.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Harry says like he'd forgotten as he touches a cut along his forehead. “It's fine.” 

“No it's not,” Louis says seriously, brows pulling into a frown as he appears in front of Harry. He reaches down to brush Harry's hair from his forehead. “It's not too deep. No stitches needed. Let me just get the medicine kit.” 

Harry nods, head hung slightly as Louis heads to the kitchen to fetch the kit.  

“Oh hello.” Louis hears Harry say before a soft purr sounds. Louis isn’t surprised to find Collin perched happily in Harry’s lap as he walks back. 

“Collin, down,” Louis scolds as he sits on the coffee table in front of Harry, clicking at the cat. 

“Nice to meet you Collin,” Harry smiled as the cat jumps from his lap and stands beside Louis, rubbing his cheek against his arm. 

“In a minute Col,” Louis says as he opens the kit and pulls out a few things. 

“So, tell me Doctor,” Harry begins as Louis wipes the cut with an antiseptic wipe. He winces slightly, hissing through gritted teeth. “Is it fatal?”  

“Definitely,” Louis answers him, dabbing the blood away before reaching for a band-aid. “Days- No! Hours to live.” 

Harry fights back a giggle as he bites his lip.

“Hello Kitty or Spiderman?”  

“Kitty please.” 

Louis’ not surprised as he rips the paper open and places the Hello Kitty band-aid over the cut. “You're healed! It's a miracle.” 

Harry can't hold it back this time and a giggle bubbles from his throat, eyes shining. It's a wonderful noise Louis thinks.

“So, are you gonna tell me what happened to your face?”  

“Nice place you've got here,” Harry answers instead, pushing off the couch to snoop a little.  

Louis pretends not to notice the way he waddles slightly. Louis’ all too familiar with that walk. “It's not a lot, but it's mine.” 

Harry nodded as he looked over Louis’ bookcase. He poked at the head of a dog bobble head toy on the shelf, smiling as it bounced.  “You're pretty handy with the medical stuff…-” 

“Yeah, me Mum’s a nurse,” Louis explained as he packed the kit up, scratching Collin’s chin. “And I grew up with four sisters so, lots of scraped knees and boo boos there.” 

Harry just nods a little.  "Do you work as one too?"

Louis shakes his head, waving his hand. "God no! I'm actually uh...unemployed at the moment," he explains, a little ashamed. "I know, every Mother's dream to have an unemployed son."

Harry tries to smile but fails. His head hurts.

"Currently living on my grandparents inheritance. Not how I imagined I would be living at twenty-five, but, shit happens."

"That it does."

Louis looks over Harry's face for a second before a knock at the door sounds. “Food,” Louis tells Harry as he moves to find his wallet.  

A container of fried rice, a mess of sweet and sour pork and a few egg rolls later, Louis finds himself in an argument over the most legendary movie of all time; The Titanic. Louis thinks he wouldn't be so passionate if wine wasn't involved.  

“No he couldn’t!” 

“Yes he could! They proved it on that science show...- You know the one-! With the guy with the huge moustache."

"Mythbusters," Harry supplies.

"Yes!" Louis shouts. "If that prissy bitch had moved over they'd have both survived."

“That's not the point of the story! It's meant to be romantic!”  

Louis rolled his eyes with a snort. “Yeah, cause death is romantic.” 

“How much he loved her was romantic,” Harry explained. "What he'd sacrifice for her was romantic."

“Whatever. He still could have fit,” he states, as he swings his feet up onto the coffee table. 

Harry shook his head at the man, smiling as he settled back against the couch. "I have been meaning to ask you one thing Louis Tomlinson," he speaks a few minutes later.

"And what would that be, Harry Styles?" 

"Where  _ do _ you get those ridiculous socks of yours?" Harry laughs, both their eyes trained on Louis' peach print crew socks. 

Louis laughs softly, wiggling his toes. "My sister, Lottie, buys me socks every Christmas and Birthday," he explained. "I think she thinks I won't like them, but they're kind of my guilty pleasure. I have a whole draw dedicated to my novelty socks."

"You're a strange one Louis Tomlinson."

Louis just shrugs, eyes still trained on his feet. He misses his family. 

Shortly Louis notices Harry's drooping eyes, the exhaustion taking over his body. “You look tired.” He'd would use other words to describe Harry's face, but he thinks he should probably keep those to himself. 

“Yeah, I am a bit,” Harry answers, slumping further into the cushions.  

“I'll go fetch you a blanket and you can crash here.” 

Harry just nods. 

Louis cleans up after their dinner before heading to find Harry a blanket. When he walks back, Harry is barely awake, blinking bleary at Louis as he lays to duvet over his long body. 

“Thank you,” he breathes, humming happily.  

“Don't mention it, Pet,” Louis says. Before Louis even makes it to the light switch, Harry is passed out.  

-

When Louis wakes later that night, he expects his walk to the kitchen for a drink to be uneventful, however when he turns the corner to find Harry Styles hunched over his kitchen table, very possibly crying, he thinks perhaps he'd assumed wrong. He probably should never expect normalcy when around Harry Styles. 

“Harry?”

Quiet sniffles. “Yeah?” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” More sniffles. “I'm fine.” 

Louis knows it's a lie, but Louis also knows he hardly knows anything about Harry. He doesn't know how to approach a sensitive subject with someone like Harry. Like, why the heck are you crying in my kitchen at 2am?  

“I was just getting some water…-” 

A choked sob. 

“Can I get you anything?” 

“No, t-thank you.” 

Louis nods as he pours himself a glass. His eyes burn into the back of Harry's head as he stands and drinks it silently.  

“Well, um- Goodnight,” he says when he's finished.  

“Goodnight Louis.” 

When Louis is laying back in bed, he can't get how broken Harry sounded out of his head. He doesn't get much sleep after that.  

When he rises the next morning, the borrowed duvet is folded neatly and there's no signs of Harry on his couch, but there is a note sitting atop the blanket.  

_ Thank you for letting me crash here. See you round – H _

Louis scrunches it up and heads back to bed with a headache. 

\-- 

Louis grunts loudly as he struggles to open his door, two bottles of wine and a bag of crisps filling his arms. "Come on," he huffs, struggling to hold his groceries in one arm as he presses the key into the hole. 

"Is that white or red?"

Louis looks over his shoulder, hand freezing from where it was turning the key. "One of each."

Harry hums, pushing his door open invitingly. 

Louis grins as he ditches his own apartment and heads into Harry's. He placed the bottles and crisps on Harry's coffee table, surveying the room. This was the first time he'd ever been inside Harry's home. It was unsurprisingly neat and tidy, nothing out of place. The only thing Louis found strange was there was no photographs, not of family, of a pet or friends. Nothing. Just blank walls and a floral smell.

"Red or white?" The voice startled Louis a little, his body jolting as he turned to meet Harry's eyes. His bruises had almost healed, the cut on his forehead still scabbed over. 

"White please," he answered quietly. 

Harry unscrewed the top before pouring the pair a glass each, holding Louis' out for him to take. 

Louis smiled thankfully, taking the expensive looking glass. "Fancy," he said, tipping his glass at Harry. "I usually drink from a mug."

Harry smiled a little, his dimple just grazing the skin of his cheek before he took a sip. "Oh, that's good," he breathed, making a pleased sound.

Louis chuckled as he took a sip himself, turning back to look over Harry's stuff. He heard Harry flop onto the couch, making himself comfortable as he ripped open the chip packet.  Louis turned just in time to see him stuff a handful into his mouth, crumbs falling onto his black shirt. Louis smiled as he sat beside Harry, pulling his legs under himself. "Your face looks better."

Harry looked at him, cheeks puffy with crisps. He nodded a little as he covered his mouth. "Not so sore," he said around his mouthful. 

"Good," Louis said quietly, taking another sip of wine. "You ever gonna tell me what happened?"

Harry shrugged as he reached for more chips. 

"Bar fight?"

Harry shook his head.

"Skydiving accident?"

Harry smiled a little, shaking his head again. 

"You're secretly a lion tamer, aren't you?"

That earned Louis a laugh. "No."

"Hmm," Louis hummed, tapping his chin. "Jet ski incident."

Harry laughed into his glass, shaking his head. 

"Trapeze act gone wrong?"

"No!" Harry squawked, laughing.

"Give us a clue!" Louis laughed, grinning at the boy. 

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. "It was nothing, really."

"I'm not so sure I believe you," Louis told him. 

Harry just shrugged again. 

"Stop shrugging," Louis huffed. "S'annoying."

Harry shrugged once more, dimples flashing as he tried to hide his smile.

"Cheeky," Louis laughed, shaking his head, his fringe getting in his eyes.

Before Louis could reach up and fix it, long fingers were pushing the hair back behind his ears, a warm breath fluttering over his face. He met green eyes and a gentle smile as Harry pulled his hand away. 

"Sorry," Harry mumbled, eyes dropping to his wine glass.

"N-no," Louis said softly, lifting a hand to touch Harry's forearm. "It's okay."

Louis' hand sat there the whole way through the white wine, and even a little into the red. Harry was a giggling mess by then, cheeks flushed from the alcohol. Louis thinks he's no better.

"...No way!" Harry giggled.

"Yes way!"

Harry just laughed harder.  

"Ripped right on stage," Louis continued. "My arse crack just out for everyone in the front row."

Harry cackled into his hand, tipping his head back against the couch. "Why weren't you wearing pants?"

"The trousers were leather Haz! I couldn't fit my fat arse into them, much less a pair of bulky boxers."

Harry just giggled into his hand. "I like that," he said softly when his giggles ceased. 

"What?

"I like you calling me 'Haz'," Harry confessed, this stupid, big grin on his face. "Can I be Haz and you be Socks?"

"Sure." Louis just smiles, nods, before continuing his story about his wardrobe malfunction on the last night of his high school musical  _ Grease _ .

 

Harry likes Louis. He likes his company, and his wine choices. He likes that Louis prefers hard cheese while he likes soft. He likes all of Louis' stupid socks and the amount of sneakers he owns. He likes how Louis knows when to talk, and when to just sit together in silence. He likes how Louis doesn't force him to talk about things he doesn't want too or question when a new bruise or scratch appears. He just really likes Louis.

"I like you," Harry said suddenly, half way through one of Louis' spectacular stories of what he calls his " _ Younger, Wilder Years _ ". 

Louis paused, hand halfway through a gesture as he looked at Harry curiously. "...I like you too, Harry."

Harry just smiled fondly, eyes seeming foggy as Louis continues his story.

Loui's not too sure what Harry means by it, but in all honesty, he finds himself only caring about the way he makes his neighbour smile. 

\--

Louis is rinsing their dishes on Sunday night when he feels a hand squeeze his waist and a chest press against his back. He jumps slightly, not expecting such an intimate embrace.  He'd invited Harry over for pizza but somehow ended up crossing the hall to Harry's with the promise of a healthy yet still delicious meal. Louis wouldn't call a cheese and fruit platter dinner, but there was wine and Harry was smiling so how could he turn him down? So, after eating, he figured the least he could do was wash up after himself. 

"Sorry Socks," Harry laughs quietly, breath fanning out against the back of Louis' neck. It makes his hairs prickle. 

"S'okay," Louis mumbles as he continues to wash the glasses. 

"No," Harry says, voice louder this time. "For last Friday. I didn't mean to push you."

"You don't have to explain anything to me Harry-"

"Just, shut your big mouth and listen," Harry interrupts, but his voice is soft and kind. 

Louis smiles, closing his mouth as he leans back against Harry.

"I was embarrassed," Harry tells him. "And drunk. And I've been taking care of myself for so long now that I find it hard to let others in I guess...- Basically I'm sorry I pushed you and was rude okay?"

Louis is frowning slightly, looking down at the soapy water. "What were you embarrassed of?"

"What?"

"You said you were embarrassed."

"I did?"

" _ Harry _ ."

" _ Louis _ ."

"Dick," Louis mumbled as he places the glasses in the drainer with a grunt. 

Harry sighs across Louis' neck, biting his lip. "I was embarrassed because there was a really fit boy helping a very drunk me to my house literally across the hall. I'm a pretty pathetic drinker and I was worried I'd say something or do something I shouldn't have."

Louis turns his head to the side, his ear bumping Harry's chin. "Something like what?"

Harry stays silent, hands tight on Louis' waist, fingers making homes in the dips of his ribs.

"Something like...kissing me," Louis says quietly, turning his head to look back at Harry. 

Harry's eyes flicker between from Louis' eyes and lips. "Exactly." His voice is low, slow. 

"Hm," Louis hums before turning back to face the sink. "I think we've had too much to drink."

Harry presses his nose into Louis' neck, lips brushing against the tan skin. "Or just the right amount."

Louis bites his lip as Harry starts to suck, gripping the counter tightly. "Harry..."

"Yes?" Harry breathes and Louis is shaking. 

"I...- We can't..."

"Thought you liked me..."

"I do...but, we're friends...-" He starts dumbly, trying not to groan as Harry's tongue presses against him.

Harry's mouth stops, pulls away, a heavy sigh hitting his neck. "Yeah. Friends. Okay."

Louis turns once Harry's hands slide from his body. "Harry-"

Harry just shakes his head at Louis, giving a weak smile. "There's no reason to explain anything to me Louis. It's cool. We're cool."

\--

H:

_ Tried to kiss Louis tonight. 'Tried' being the key word. _

Lima:

_ WHAT HAPPENED!!????!!! :( _

H:

_ Got friendzoned. _

Lima:

_ BRO! That sucks big time! _

H:

_ Tell me about it. _

-

Lou:

_ I CHICKENED OUT! _

_ I COULD’VE KISSED HARRY AND I DIDN’T CAUSE I’M A DUMB FUCKING CHICKEN!!!!!! _

Ni:

_ Since when has Louis Tomlinson chickened out of anything????? _

Lou:

_ Since pretty boys like Harry Styles arrived :(((( _

\--

When Louis knocks on his neighbor's door late the following Wednesday afternoon he's expecting Harry, not a tall man with hazel eyes and biceps bigger than his head. He also isn't expecting to see a penis.

"Yes?"

"Uh...is Harry here?" Louis asked slowly, trying to peek around the man and into his apartment, eyes catching everything but the man's current  _ situation _ . 

"Who's Harry?”

Louis frowns, confused. “Uh, Harry,” he says again, holding a hand over his head. “About this tall, brown curly hair…”

“Oh, you mean Baby,” the man says in recognition. “Yeah he's here.” The man makes no attempt to get him. 

Louis kind of hates him. "Well...Can you get him?"

"We're kind of busy."

Louis sighed. "Can you just tell him Louis stopped by?"

"Sure."

Louis flinches when the door slams in his face. He looks down at his pitiful blueberry muffins and sighs. I guess they're not 'cool'.

\--

It's late. Louis' not really sure if it's still night or early morning, all he can focus on is Harry and the way his single hand grips a bottle of wine, a bag of corn chips and a jar of salsa as he carries them to the couch. If it was Louis, he'd need all fingers and toes to carry the load. He smiles at the image. 

Harry and him had been sitting quietly when that familiar word vomit rose in Louis' chest. He tried to fight it back, but honestly, Louis' middle name should be  _ Curious _ .

“Why do people call you Baby?” He asks Harry. 

The boy has salsa pooling at the edges of his mouth as he chews a corn chip. Louis doesn't want to lick at it. 

He shrugs at Louis’ question, licking his lips. “Just a nickname.” 

Louis’ not convinced but let's it go in order to question the other things on his mind. "Your guy friend seems...nice," he comments, eyes glancing at Harry.

Harry frowned, eyes flicking up to Louis. "My what?" He asked as he swallowed.  

"The guy...from the other day," Louis prompted, looking up at Harry as he frowned harder. "You know...- The one with the muscles and um...the...the dick," he coughed slightly, cheeks flushing a soft pink. 

"Oh!" Harry nodded in remembrance. "He's just a mate," Harry said dismissively as he sat beside Louis, handing over his glass.

"A naked mate?"

"Yes, a naked mate."

"So, is it a friends with benefits thing?" Louis asked curiously, fingers dragging a corn chip through the salsa as a distraction. 

"I don't really want to talk about it."

Louis nodded slowly. Five minutes doesn't even go by before Louis' curiosity gets the better of him and the words literally fall from his mouth. "You know I've seen a couple of these mates..."

Harry sighed loudly, placing his wine glass down a little too hard. "God, Louis, just drop it okay?"

Louis dropped his head to stare at his finger as it traced the rim of his own glass. "I'm just looking out for you Harry," he said quietly. "Look, you tried to kiss me and then I see you with all these different boys and I- I don't want you getting hurt."

"What makes you think I'm going to get hurt?" Harry asked, eyes intently staring at Louis' profile. 

"Just...-" Louis shrugged, looking up at Harry. "I care about you Harry. And I know from personal experience that that wanted feeling doesn't last for long. Sleeping around can actually be really lonely-"

"I'm going to stop you right there," Harry scoffed, holding a hand up at Louis. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, okay Louis? I don't need you looking out for me."

"I never said you did," Louis argued. "I just...I worry about you Harry. You came to me not long ago with a scratched up forehead; and I've seen bruises and stuff..." he said quietly.

"Oh fuck off Louis." Harry's voice sounds tired, his eyes unable to reach Louis'. 

"No, Harry, don't do this. Don't push me away." Louis wants to bang on his chest and tug at his shirt to make him understand how desperate he is for Harry to talk. To make him understand how much better he'd feel if he just talked about it.

"Why not? We're just friends remember!"

"Harry, just-"

"Just get out Louis. Please." 

Louis leaves quietly, his wine untouched and a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

-

They don't speak for three days. Well, Harry doesn't speak, Louis tries. He tries desperately; knocking on Harry's door with fresh baked goods at 8pm and quiet words spoken through the wood when night is turning into day. He sits against Harry's door and talks, talks bullshit for hours, a bottle of wine pressed between his thighs and three day old banana bread on the floor beside him.

Harry says nothing. He figures ignoring Louis is the best way to keep him away. 

On Monday morning, he steps over Louis' sleeping body pressing against his door jam and heads out. He grabs a coffee and muffin from the cafe on the corner before taking a seat at the bus stop. He jumps on the 82 and rides it downtown, hopping off in front of a stripclub. He greets the bouncer and heads up the stairs to the apartment built above the joint. He knocks twice and waits. 

"Baby!" Benjamin greets as soon as he pulls open the door, giving Harry a tight hug. "How's my best boy?"

Harry just smiles, hugging the man back. "Good, Benny. I'm doing good."

He’s still just as attractive as when Harry first met him; 6 years back, downstairs in the club at the ripe age of fifteen, eyes bright and hoping as he begged for a job. Although his hair is turning silver, his eyes are still that gorgeous mocha brown Harry fell for in the dim lights of the club. Harry thinks if Benjamin wasn't forty-two, or a pimp, they'd have probably dated, even married eventually. Still, that didn't stop them from hooking up a fair few times over the years. Benjamin just gets him. Harry likes that.

"Atta boy!" Benjamin grinned as he pulled away, smacking Harry's back cheerfully. "Come in, come in. Tea?"

Harry shook his head as he slipped off his jacket. "No, thank you."

Benjamin shrugged as he headed to the small kitchen attached to the living room, popping the kettle onto the stove. 

Harry hung his jacket up before moving to the couch, taking a seat and pulling out his wallet. "I got this month's money," he explained as he pulled out a wad of cash and placed it on Benjamin's coffee table. 

"Good lad," Benjamin spoke as he walked over and picked it up, counting it with his long fingers. "Here," he said, passing a fifty back to Harry. "Buy yourself a new coat. Don't need my prettiest boy looking tattered and shabby."

"Thanks Benny," Harry smiled thankfully, taking the note. Benjamin took care of him. Always has.

Once the kettle boiled and Benjamin prepared his tea he sat beside Harry, blowing over the hot liquid as he looked his boy over. 

"You look worn out," he observed, eyeing Harry's dark circles. "Have I been workin ya too hard? Need a break?"

Harry shook his head, rubbing a hand over his face. "No, I'm fine."

"Harry..." Benjamin started, poking his thigh with his finger. "Baby, come on, it's me. I've known you since you were fifteen. And you can't lie for shite."

Harry chuckled weakly, looking over at the man. "It's not you," he said, hoping that would be enough to make him drop it. He knows it won't be. It's Benjamin. He has to know everything. 

"Then who is it? Do I need to take care of someone for you?"

"No! No," Harry told him, shaking his head. "It's fine. It's just...- There's a boy, but it's nothing," Harry says slowly. 

"Oh," Benjamin says shortly. "And you like him?"

Harry shook his head. "No! No. No, no. He's just a friend."

Benjamin isn't convinced. "You know our deal, Baby."

"Yes, of course I do," Harry sighed. "You don't have to explain it all again. There's nothing to worry about. He's just my neighbour."

"As long as you're sure. You know clients prefer the 'Single Bachelor' type-"

"Trust me, I'm sure," Harry promised his old friend. "He's just very persistent and nosy. And annoying, fuck he's annoying. He wears these dumb socks and bakes these horrid desserts and he's just so loud and cocky all the damn time!"

Benjamin smirking, chuckling quietly as he sipped his tea. "Sounds like your type."

"I don't like him!" Harry protested, shaking his head. "And even if I did, he'd reject me." 

"And how do you know that?"

"I, uh," Harry coughed, looking away nervously. "I tried to kiss him."

"Harry!"

"I know I know," Harry sighed, sinking into the couch with a pout. "I didn't mean too. I'd had too much wine and you know how I get on wine Benny."

Benjamin smirked, propping his foot up on his knee. "Oh yeah, I know," he grinned, winking at his boy. 

"Oh shut up!" Harry laughed, hitting Benjamin with a cushion, swatting at his head.

"Hey! Watch the tea," Benjamin laughed, trying to pull out of Harry's reach. 

"Sorry," Harry giggled, leaning over to kiss Benjamin's cheek before settling into the man's side. 

There was silence for a few moments before Benjamin spoke, voice serious, "You promise there's nothing to worry about?"

Harry nodded, picking at the rip in his jeans. "Absolutely. We're just friends. Hardly that even."

"Well good, I'm glad to hear you've made a friend at least," Benjamin told him, patting his shoulder. "Still, you don't need a boyfriend Baby. I can give you everything a boyfriend could. Even more."

Harry just nods, pretending that was true. 

"Now, how about you give me a little head and I'll tack on an extra fifty for your new coat huh? Maybe get yourself a haircut too, getting a bit ratty."

Harry does as he's told. Always does with Benjamin. He owes him his life.

\--

"Oh!"

Harry looks over his shoulder at Louis, key pressed into his door. "Y'alright Lou?"

"You cut your hair."

After a quick argument with Benjamin, Harry had agreed to cut off his rather impressive mane of hair. He'll deny it, but there was wetness in his eyes when he heard the first snip of the scissors. Now he had a rather short quiff style, although the top was still slightly curly. He wasn't sure he liked it yet. Harry figures it'll take some getting used too.

He turns back to his door, twisting the key and pushing it open. "Uh, yeah. New coat too." He can feel Louis' eyes studying his back. 

"Looks good."

"It was on sale."

"I meant your hair," Louis said softly. "Although the coat is nice too. I like leather on you."

"Thanks," Harry says, turning to face Louis. He was wearing a soft looking grey sweater and a black beanie. He looked unfairly gorgeous. Harry hates him. "You going out?"

"Just upstairs," Louis explained, holding up a carton of beer. "Me and Niall are gonna watch the game."

Harry nodded, trying to ignore how nice Louis' legs looked in his tight jeans. He tried to focus on how annoying and nosy Louis was instead. Annoying and nosy.  _ Annoying and nosy _ ! "Have fun then."

"Harry, wait," Louis says, his hand suddenly catching the sleeve of his jacket. Annoying and nosy. He stares down at it. Tiny and cute.  _ Tiny and cute!  _ He's fucked.

"Are we okay?"

"Yeah. Course."

Louis sighed, swallowing thickly. "I just haven't see you round. We haven't spoken since-"

"Since you rejected me," Harry blurts, mouth pulled into a thin line.

"Hey...that's not fair," Louis sighed. "I just don't want to fuck up our friendship."

"Louis, seriously," Harry started, smiling as convincingly as possibly. "It's okay. Promise. I had just drunk a little too much wine, and I get really handsy on red."

Louis' lips stretch into a slow smile, eyes twinkling with mischief. "Handsy Harry."

Harry just smiled back, resisting a laugh. 

"You promise we're good?"

Harry nodded. "Absolutely. I'll even prove it by cooking dinner for you Friday night."

"It's a date," Louis says cheekily, winking up at Harry.

"Shut up and go or you'll miss your game," Harry chuckled, stepping into his apartment. 

Louis just grinned, jumping up to hug Harry quickly. "Missed you," he whispered, lips brushing Harry's ear. 

Harry pretends that it didn't make him shiver as he held Louis back, pressing his face into his hair briefly. He smelt like melon and it made Harry's mouth water as Louis pulled away and strutted down the hall.

"I'll be sure to dress up for our date. Bye Handsy Harry!"

"Not a date!" Harry calls after him.

"Oh details details!" Louis calls over his shoulder, waving his hand dismissively, only then does Harry notice Louis' wearing yellow socks with an avocado print and he fights back his fond eye roll as he slips into his apartment.

\--

Louis falls face first into Niall's couch when he arrives, moaning miserably about green eyes and no-longer curly, curly hair. 

Once Niall bribes Louis with beer and Doritos, he stops his whining and chooses to sit in silence and pout heavily till Niall gives him attention. It's a usual weekday night.

"So, you haven't fucked yet then?" Niall asked, a chuck of chip flying from his mouth and landing on Louis' arm. 

"Niall!" He scolds, flicking the chewed chunk back towards Niall. It lands on the couch somewhere. "But no, we haven't."

"Why not?" Niall asked as he chews noisily. "Thought you liked him."

"I do," Louis confirmed, taking a gulp of beer and sighing. "He's so fucking fit Ni, like- Fuck."

"Then why haven't you just gone for it?"

"I just like what we are now," Louis tells him with a shrug. “And I don't want to just be another guy he's fucking.”

"But don't you want to kinda be that? But nicer. With kissing and cuddling and all that nice stuff?"

"Well, yeah. Of course I do!" Louis said, frustrated by his thoughts. "I just...- I haven't been so successful in the past and I just- I don't want to fuck things up Niall."

"I think you've over analysed this whole thing Lou," Niall told him. "If you want Harry, then go for Harry. If it's meant to be, it'll work."

Louis just scratches at his beer label and thinks.

Louis' never met anyone like Harry. And Harry is not Louis' usual type, but that's what makes him so certain he wants him. He really likes Harry's company and his movie choices, and how his shirts are almost always sheer and worn and soft looking. Louis knows he wants to kiss Harry, kiss that slow, syrupy voice out of him. It gives Louis chills just thinking about it. But it also kind of scares him. When Harry had tried to kiss Louis and he'd rejected him, Harry had actually looked more hurt than he was leading on. Then he disappeared for a few days and Louis' just so confused as to where he goes and what he does. He hardly even knows the man! He's just so mysterious about his life and Louis wonders if getting with Harry would just result in disappointment and heartbreak. That's why when he leaves Niall's, pretty tipsy and mind racing, he catches the final bus to the upper town estates and makes his way to Zayn's. Zayn is reliable, an open book. Louis knows what Zayn's thinking and feeling at all times. Zayn is safe. Zayn is the better option. There's never a problem with Zayn.

"Hey you," the olive-skinned man says as he answers the door with that perfect smile.

Scratch that. There is one problem; Zayn isn't Harry.

\--

They're sitting on Harry's couch, bellies full of alfredo pasta and two empty wine bottles on the counter. It's 12am and Louis can only focus on the way the moon's glow hits Harry's nose, bouncing down the bridge of it. He's talking but Louis' not really listening, too interested in mapping out the shadows dancing along Harry's jaw. There's a candle lit on his coffee table, the flame flickers the only light in the room. Louis closes his eyes to the soft drawl of Harry's voice, certain he could fall asleep to it at any moment. 

"Socks? You falling asleep on our first official not-date date?"

Louis can tell he's smiling before he even opens his eyes, meeting Harry's across the couch. He just smiles, blinking slowly as he shuffles closer to Harry, pulling his knees to his chest. "M'cold," he says quietly. 

Harry sighs softly, still smiling as he lays an arm around Louis' shoulders and pulls him into his side. He refuses to accept how well Louis fits in the dip of his body. "As I was saying..."

They fall asleep squashed up together, Harry's head resting in melon scented hair and Louis' hands curled into a solid chest.  

Best not-date date ever. 

\--

Louis wakes the next morning to an empty couch. He sits up slowly, hair sticking up wildly as he blinks at the sun streaming through the window. "Haz?" He calls out, voice groggy.

When he receives no reply, Louis pushes himself up and checks the kitchen, bathroom. Nothing. Frowning, Louis heads toward the final door; Harry's bedroom. He pushes the door open and stops. Harry's bedroom is beautiful. He has a four post bed draped with sheer white material and fairy lights twisting around the posts. There's huge windows on either side of the bed and a walk in wardrobe filled with expensive looking clothes. He wants to wear one of those sheer shirts Harry always wears and roll around in the deep red covers adorning the bed's surface. He wonders how intoxicatingly it smells of Harry. He feels a little dizzy at the thought.

"Socks? What are you doing?"

Louis startles at the voice, head whipping towards Harry. He's standing down the end of the hall, holding two coffee cups and a brown paper bag that smells like sweet pastries. 

"I...-" Louis' mouth goes dry. He knows how private Harry is how his home, about his life.

"You are such a snoop Louis Tomlinson," Harry sighs, but he's not mad. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Maybe let me sit on your bed while we eat whatever is in that bag?" Louis says, tucking his fists under his chin, looking ridiculously cute all sleep rumpled. 

Harry scoffs softly, shaking his head. 

"Is that a yes?"

Before Harry even finishes nodding Louis is letting out a gleeful squeal and leaping to the bed, throwing himself onto it. 

"Mm, it's even better than I imagined!" Harry hears him yell as he walks toward his room. Turning the corner, Harry pauses, needs to cling to the very first image of Louis Tomlinson in his bed. 

"Come on, I'm starved!" Louis complains as he sits up, tucking his legs over each other, pink heart socks still on his little feet. 

Harry toes off his boots and climbs on the bed, handing Louis a coffee cup and the bag of treats. 

Louis places his drink aside then reaches into the bag with his eyes closed, grins when he pulls out a sweet bun, shoving it into his mouth.

"So attractive," Harry chuckles as he sips his coffee. 

Louis just grins, icing coating his teeth and lips. "Sorry I was snooping."

"Sorry you were snooping or sorry you got caught?" Harry teases as he pulls another bun from the bag. 

Louis taps his chin, pretending to think. "Sorry I got caught." 

Harry swats his head with a pillow.

"Hey, hey!" Louis laughs, trying to dodge the velvety cushion. "I have good reason to snoop! You are very mysterious Harry Styles."

Harry blinks innocently as he bites his bun. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh cut the bullshit," Louis laughs, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You are mysterious and you know it! I mean, I don't know what you wanted to be as a kid. Or what you do for work.. Or about your family. Like, siblings? You got any? I don't know when your birthday is! Or your favourite colour."

"Blue. February 1st," Harry answered as he ate. "And I have seven sisters and four brothers. Now you know. We good?"

Louis eyes him suspiciously. "What are their names?"

"Olivia, Jake, Louise, Kate, Kevin, Mark, Gemma, Finn, Ally, Grace and Beth."

"Say that again," Louis challenges. 

Harry smirks as he takes a big breath. "Olivia, Jake, Louise, Kate, Kevin, Mark, Gemma, Finn, Ally, Grace and Beth."

"Okay, you win," Louis huffs. "How was that growing up?"

"Mental."

"Amen to that," he agrees with a laugh. "I have five sisters and a brother, two pairs of twins." Louis explains, shaking his head as he picks out another bun. 

"How's your bun?" Harry asks him, trying to subtly change the subject. 

"Sweet," he answers as he licks his fingers.

"Are your buns always sweet Louis?" Louis tries not to blush as Harry winks. 

"I want to see this place at night," he tells Harry, fingers wiggling above his head to demonstrate the twinkle of the lights as he lays back against the covers. "Must be magic."

Harry shoves the last of his bun into his mouth, sets his coffee aside and flops beside Louis. "It is pretty sweet."

"Good place to shag too. Pretty."

Harry stays quiet. If only he knew.

"Ah, that's how you do it, don't you? Bring those boys home, promise them a magical night under the stars? Pretty smooth stuff Haz," Louis teases, but he's laughing, voice light hearted. 

"Would it work on you?" Harry slaps a hand over his mouth. It seems word vomit effects both these boys.

Louis turns to look at Harry, stays quiet until he meets green. "Haz..."

"Yeah I know," he sighs. "Sorry, I was just-" He's cut off when soft lips press against his. Light pops behind his eyes as Louis curls his hand around his neck, lips moving slowly against Harry's. Louis' lips are perfect; warm, damp and a little chapped, but they slot perfectly between Harry's. He tastes a little stale from sleep but also sweet like bun icing, and Harry thinks he's addicted already.

Louis pulls away all too soon, leaving Harry wanting more, chasing after his lips. "Just so we're clear," Louis starts as he sits up, reaching for his coffee as he stands. "The whole 'magic night under the stars’ thing, would  _ totally _ work on me." He's grinning as he heads for the door. "Bye Magic Man."

Harry flops back onto his bed, lips tingly and a stupid smile stretching his cheeks.

-

There's banging. There's banging and it's 8am on a Saturday. 

"What the bloody fuck? Who the fuck is banging on my door-"

"We kissed!" Louis squeals as he barges past Niall and does a victory lap around his living room.

"What are you on about?" Niall continues to grumble, blanket draped over his bare shoulders. 

"We kissed Ni!" Louis repeats, stopping in front of the boy. "Harry and I. Me and Harry! We kissed. We fucking kissed!"

"And how was it?"

Louis sighs hopelessly, staring off as he brings his hands to his heart and bats his lashes. "Magical."

\---

H:

_ I kissed Louis.  _

Lima: 

_ Bout bloody time mate!!! _

H:

_ Benny can't find out. _

Lima:

_ My lips are sealed. How was it?? _

H:

_ Felt like magic. _

\---

Fast forward a week and Louis still isn't over their kiss. Every time he sees Harry his lips tingle with want. They haven't spoken about it, well, not really, unless "You're a good kisser" whispered against his shoulder as he and Harry watched a movie counts? Louis doesn't think it does. He wants to kiss Harry again, believe me, he does, but Harry's hasn't really shown much interest. There have been plenty of times over the past week where Louis swears he caught Harry's staring at his lips, even leaning in slightly, but then he'd cough or pull back and the moment was ruined. He's a little confused as to why Harry doesn't want to kiss him, when Louis is making it rather clear he's interested in Harry, with gentle touches and whispered words. And finally, when Louis thinks he can no longer wait, that familiar word vomit raises up his throat;

"Why won't you kiss me?"

Harry pauses, mouth full of roast pork and potato, gravy dripping down his chin. He chews a few more times before swallowing, eyes focused on Louis'. "What?" 

Louis ignores the blush licking at his cheeks, standing his ground. "Why won't you kiss me?"

Harry wipes his chin with a napkin. "I didn't know you wanted me too."

Louis scoffs. "Yeah right," he mumbled, turning his attention back to his dinner. 

"Louis, two weeks ago you said you just wanted to be friends," Harry explained himself. 

"Yeah, but then we kissed in your bed-"

"Yeah but-"

"Look, if you don't want to kiss me just tell me-"

"No Louis, it's not that."

"Then what? Just tell me the truth," Louis says, feeling annoyed with how Harry can never just give him a straight answer. He needs a smoke.

"The truth?"

Louis nods, face serious. 

Harry puts his knife and fork down, rubbing his hands together nervously. "I...I'm an escort. And my pimp won't let me date anyone while I'm working for him."

Louis shook his head, dropping his cutlery with a clatter before standing up. "You really need to grow up Harry," he scoffed, throwing his napkin onto the table. 

"Lou-"

"Don't start Harry," Louis snapped, holding his hand up to stop the other man. "Call me when you're ready to have an actual adult conversation."

"Louis don't go," Harry pleaded, standing to follow after him.

"No, don't follow me!"

"Louis I-" The door slams shut before Harry can finish.

Louis flops miserably onto his bed, sighing loudly. "Why are hot boys so complicated?" He grumbles as Collin rubs against his shoulder, stretching along his side. Louis reaches down to pet his head as he curls up a little more, feeling defeated. 

\--

Louis gets over it not three hours later, heading back to Harry's with his head hung low, mumbling "wanna see something cool?" with a sad looking apple crumble in his arms. 

Harry lets Louis take the lead, gripping his free hand as Louis leads him to the top floor, through a doorway and up a ladder. Then, he finds himself standing in fresh air, London surrounding him as he stands on the roof of their building. There's nothing special there, just broken glass and a lot of pigeon poo, but everything surrounding it is incredible. The sky is cloudy, but it stretches for miles. Harry can see the whole neighbourhood from up here, wants to wave down at the people on the street. 

"Wow," he whispers into the wind. 

"Come on!" Louis' voice snaps him from his dreaming. 

He looks over to find the man perched right on the edge of the building, legs dangling over the side, crumble sitting on his thighs. "Cool huh?"

Harry smiles wide, moving to sit down beside. "It's incredible."

"Knew you'd like it," Louis grins, turning back to look at the muggy sky. "Sorry it's not a great day for sightseeing."

Harry shakes his head. "It's perfect," he tells him, leaning over and catching Louis' lips in a soft kiss. "Thank you for bringing me here."

Louis smiles this goofy 'v' smile and laughs. "Our new place," he tells him as he offers Harry a spoon from his pocket. 

They sit and eat shitty apple crumble until the moon is starting it’s decent.  

\--

Louis' wrapped in his duvet sitting on the window sill in his bedroom, bare legs dangling as he watches the sun rise, smoke between his fingers. It's the morning after he stormed out of Harry's and Louis sighs loudly, taking a long drag. Sure they made up (and made out) up on the roof but Louis is still struggling to crack Harry. He makes everything so complicated; with his excuses and lies and one-word answers. He doesn't share anything and Louis finds he's really struggling with that. Louis is an open book, he says what he wants and makes it clear what he's feeling. But Harry... Harry is just so strange and lovely and quiet and it drives Louis nuts. He hates him so much he kind of loves him. 

Louis leans back into his apartment, reaching for his phone sitting on his bedside table, pulling it from the charger cord. He clicks that familiar name and presses it to his ear. 

"It's very early Louis," Zayn answers with.

"Want to hang out today?" 

"Uh, you and me don't usually 'hang' Lou."

"I know..." Louis mumbles, tapping the ash from his fag. "I just thought we could do something, you know, before we-"

"Fuck?"

Louis sighs loudly, dropping his head. "Forget it. Bye Z-"

"I'm just teasing babes," Zayn says, chuckling softly. "How about I meet you for coffee at the Starbucks on your corner yeah? Ten okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," Louis replied.

"Great. I'll be the cute one in leather."

Louis just laughs and hangs up.

-

"He literally said he was an escort?"

Louis nods in reply, spooning at the froth of his vanilla latte. 

"Does he have some sick sense of humour?"

Louis sighs as he slouches in his seat, rubbing a hand over his face. "He's strange, like really strange but-" He just shakes his head. Helpless. 

"You like him though?"

"Yes. Very much," Louis says before realising he and Zayn were kind of dating before all this Harry drama. "Sorry."

Zayn just laughs, patting Louis' forearm. "Lou, it's cool," he promised, voice honest. "You and me were never exclusive. Besides, I think we make better friends."

Louis smiles as he takes a sip of his coffee, vanilla bouncing over his taste buds. He's about 96% sure that's how Harry's skin tastes. He really needs a hobby. 

"He's mysterious," Louis explains further. "But not like how you are. More like... closed off, I guess. He doesn't speak about his family, or friends. He has no pictures in his house or little knick-knacks. He's just clean and tidy and...nothing."

Zayn stays quiet for a few moments, swirling his black coffee as he thinks. "Maybe he is an escort."

Louis scoffs, pulling a face. "Oh stop taking the piss! I need real help here."

"I'm serious Lou," Zayn continues. "Okay, maybe an escort is a bit far fetched-"

"You think!"

"However, maybe he does genuinely have a job that requires the random men and weird working hours."

Louis licks his froth covered spoon, eyeing Zayn. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"A drug dealer."

"Okay, I'm leaving."

"Oh sit down!" Zayn snaps, grinning at him. "I'm just kidding, seriously Lou, you need to relax."

Louis just rolls his eyes.

"Unfortunately, I am unable to help you with this one babe," Zayn tells him, squeezing his wrist softly. "The only person who can explain all this is Harry himself."

There's a whine and then Louis is slamming his head against the table. They ignore the strange looks they receive. "I don't wanna!" Louis groans, pouting against the wood of the table. 

"We all do things we don't want Lou."

And that's how Louis finds himself making something he has never had any desire to make; a green smoothie...whatever the fuck that is.

"Avocado!? Can you believe this Col?" Louis scoffs at the cat on his counter as he reads over a recipe on his phone. "These pretentious fucks will put anything in these I swear!"

He spends Sunday afternoon shopping for bizarre health foods like flax seeds, bok choy and almond milk. Who knew almonds could be milked! Louis also purchases a blender and by the time he's entering his building it's half six at night and he's feeling tired and hungry. He places everything on his counter, feeds Collin and then himself before getting to work. He follows the recipe carefully, not wanting to make a single mistake. He chops the vegetables and fruits up before placing them in the blender, followed by the almond milk before pressing start. Once the smoothie is finished he pours it into a mug and grabs the flax seeds to decorate. Suddenly feeling creative, he very carefully sprinkles them in a 'H' shape before placing a straw into the drink. Louis then pulls on a sweater before heading across the hall, knocking on Harry's door carefully, not wanting to spill his creation. 

He hears Harry unlock his door before it swings open. He only has on a pair of jeans and smells delightful. His tattoos are on full display and that almost has Louis moaning. Almost.

"Smoothie." Is all Louis says. He's never been very charming.

Harry's eyes flick between the offered drink and Louis' apologetic face. "Okay..."

Louis nods slowly. "I...I made it. It has kiwi and pear and this stuff called Kale?" Louis shrugs cause he has no idea what he just said. 

Harry takes the mug and laughs suddenly. "And this is how you're saying sorry?"

Louis just tries to look cute, smiling up at the man.

Harry rolls his eyes before motioning Louis inside. "You know, I would have been more impressed if you had spelt out 'sorry' with the seeds."

"Thought that was over doing it." Louis grinned as he sits on Harry's couch, everything in the world feeling right again. "Can't have your expectations getting too high."

Harry just laughs as he takes a sip. "Hmm."

"Oh god," Louis says lowly, covering his eyes with his hands before peeking through his fingers. "Did I fuck it up? I knew I shouldn't trust something called Swiss Chard!"

Harry shakes his head, dimples shining. "It's good. Pretty delicious actually."

Louis gasps softly before getting to his feet, jumping up on the couch with a victory cheer, pumping his fists in the air. "I am the best chef in the world!"

"I don't think a smoothie classifies you as a chef Lou-"

"I said, I am  _ the best _ chef in the world!"

Once Harry has finished his smoothie, slurping the last of it through the straw, Louis gets serious.

"I didn't just come here give you the best smoothie you've drank-" 

"I don't know if it's the best-"

" _ However _ , thank you for the compliment-" Semi-serious.

"I never said-"

" _ But _ , I do want to apologise about yesterday. We know I am a drama queen and it wasn't fair for me to attack you over something you might not feel comfortable sharing. I was wrong. And I really really hope you'll still be my friend, because I really really like you Harry."

"I like you too Louis."

Louis smiles at him, gently running a hand through Harry's floppy hair. "Good. Now, talk to me. About anything. All of it or just one thing. I want to know whatever you are willing to tell me. And I won't push you."

Harry just smiles at him until Louis goes to speak again; however, he is cut off by a hand curling around the back of his neck and lips pressing against his. 

This is better than talking. 

Louis throws his arms around Harry's neck instantly, pulling him close as they kiss. Harry is quick to pull Louis into his lap, one hand cupping his neck, the other his side as he licks into his mouth. It's not rushed, just mouths learning about each other; calm, soft, slow. And when Harry pulls away, Louis feels dizzy and warm and completely speechless. 

Harry's face is dusted pink as his dimples carve into his cheeks. "Taste almost as good as my smoothie." He's grinning and joking and Louis still can't find words. "What? Am I that good of a kisser?"

Louis just shakes his head, gives a breathy laugh as he presses his forehead against Harry's collarbone. "I just...- I didn't think you would do that. Caught me off guard is all."

Harry hums softly, pressing his nose into Louis' melon locks. "Was it...okay?"

Louis pulls back, nodding vigorously. "Yes! Very okay."

Harry grins harder. "Maybe we can try it again?"

Louis presses his fingers against Harry's lips, stopping him from leaning in. "Only if you tell me one thing about yourself before each kiss."

Harry lays his head back against the couch, studying Louis' face. "Okay," he whispers, reaching up to pull Louis in closer with hands pressed to his stubbly jaw. "I never graduated from high school." Kiss. "I left home at fifteen." Kiss. "My middle name is Edward."

"Seriously?" Louis deadpans, pulling a face. "Harry Edward Styles? That's your full name? You're so posh! I bet you grew up in one of those white picket fenced neighbourhoods, with kids racing on bikes and everyone owns a show dog."

Harry's eyes flick between Louis', scoffing softly. "Yeah, I wish."

Louis tilts his head curiously, waiting for Harry to continue. 

Harry sighs loudly, pushing Louis from his lap before standing. "Tea?"

"Harry-"

"You promised you wouldn't push."

Louis sighs, sinking into himself, deflated. "You're right. Speaking of tea, what is yours?"

"Louis!"

"Okay okay, fine."

\--

"Baby? Harry!?" There's continuous knocking and shouting and Louis wants to hit the person who ruined his afternoon nap. 

"Oi, pal!" He shouts at the man banging on Harry's door. "He's out! Now quit that banging, people are trying to sleep."

"It's Monday," the man says before looking at his watch. "And 2pm." 

Yeah, Louis should probably get a job. "Hey, no need to come to a man's home and insult his living habits."

"Sorry mate." The man puts his hands up in a surrender before looking back at Harry's door. "Do you know when he'll be back?"

Louis shrugs, leaning against his doorway. "No idea."

"He's probably seeing Benny," the man mumbles to himself. "I'll just give him a call later."

Benny? "Uh, yeah," Louis answers. "I'm Louis by the way."

"Oh!" He exclaims in recognition, shoving a hand at Louis. Louis shakes it with caution. "You're Louis? Wow, okay. Nice one H."

Louis chuffs softly, tilting his head, curious. 

"Sorry, it's just that Baby talks about you a lot."

Louis tries to cover his smug as he crosses his arms, smirking. "He does?"

"Yeah. I'm Liam." Liam finally introduces. "Harry's best mate."

"Sex mate or regular kind?" Louis teases. 

"Oh, so you know?" 

Louis' eyebrows pull into a frown. "Know what?"

"Lima!" Harry's voice calls down the hall. He's holding two bag of groceries, beanie pulled over his hair. "I was just about to call you. Oh...I see you've met Louis then." Harry’s pupils are dilated and he’s slurring a little. Louis frowns at that.

"Hm," Liam hums, both now looking at Louis. "Excellent choice Baby."

"Hey, back off," Harry laughs, grinning. "He's mine."

Louis' stomach clenches at that. He's not sure if that's a good thing.

"Hi Socks," Harry says softly, just for Louis as he leans down to peck him softly. 

"Um, hi." Louis is completely confused at what is happening. Apparently, he and Harry are exclusive enough to kiss in front of others but not exclusive enough for Harry to tell Louis about his 9 siblings. Or Benny. Going back to that; who the hell is Benny? 

"So, uh," Liam says. "I need to talk to you."

Harry nods, smiling at Louis before opening his door. 

"Nice meeting you Louis!" Liam calls as he takes a bag from Harry's arms before walking inside. 

"Oh, yeah, you too Liam," Louis answers a little late. 

"You okay Socks?" Harry asks softly, touching his shoulder. 

Louis nods a little, not meeting Harry's eyes. 

"I'll come over when Liam's gone okay? I'll bring food." 

Louis just nods again before walking back into his apartment without a word. 

-

"Hey Harry?" 

"Yeah Li?"

"Why doesn't Louis know about Benny?"

Silence.

"Does Louis know you're an escort?"

More silence.

"I think you need to tell him."

Silence. Then, "I know."

-

It's half six when Harry finally knocks on Louis' door, holding two beers and a packet of chips.

Louis lets him in easily, claiming that crisps aren’t really 'food' but more of a snack ( _ "I could have brought carrot sticks and hummus dip." "Crisps it is!" _ ) and leads him out onto his small balcony, taking a seat by the railing, slipping his legs under the bar. Harry follows in suit, cracking open the beers and handing one to Louis.

"Cheers," Louis says softly, tapping the nose of the bottle against Harry's.

"Cheers," Harry echoes before taking a gulp, letting a satisfied noise.

"Liam was over awhile," Louis says, failing at casual conversation.

Harry hums, taking another gulp. "He's just a friend Lou."

"I'm not saying he isn't."

"No, but you are implying other things."

Louis stays quiet for a few moments. “And you were high?” 

Harry shrugged. “Everyone has a bad habit Louis.”

"Apparently you’ve got a few...Baby." Louis regrets it as soon as he says it. God he’s an idiot. 

Harry just shakes his head, picking at the label wrapped around the bottle. 

"Shit Harry, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that like- No whatever, fuck, do whatever you want. I don't care," he huffs, crossing his arms. 

Harry just drinks his beer quietly. 

Louis' leg bounces as he fidgets, words clawing their way up his throat. "I know about the drugs!" He blurts, before covering his mouth. 

Harry snots, starts spluttering as beer sprays from his mouth. He coughs into his fist, wiping at his wet chin. "What!?" He exclaims, looking at Louis with stunned eyes. 

"I know you sell drugs Harry."

Harry looks confused for a few seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter, slapping his thigh in hysterics. 

"What are you laughing at?" Louis whined, frowning. "It's not funny."

"You think I'm-" Harry wheezes as he catches his breath, laughing into his hand. "You’re hilarious."

"What!?" Louis huffs again, crossing his arms. 

"I'm- Oh my god Louis, I don't sell drugs," Harry tells him, shaking his head. "What made you ever think that?"

"Well, I don't know," Louis says like it’s obvious. "You had all that money that one time, and all the people coming and going from your apartment. Clearly you go by ‘Baby’ as some sort of cover so no one knows your real name. And Liam mentioned some Benny guy...? I just figured he was your supplier or whatever."

Harry just stares at Louis with a dumb grin on his face.

"You don't sell drugs do you?" 

"No," Harry laughs again.

"Oh my god, I'm so fucking stupid," Louis whined, face flushing with embarrassment as he hides it in his hands. "Fuck Zayn and his stupid theories."

"Who's Zayn?" Harry asked, pulling Louis' hands from his face with a laugh. 

"Just a friend. Not important," Louis explained with a shrug, as he took another gulp of beer. "Well, I'm glad you're not a drug dealer."

Harry just laughs again, burying his face into the crook of Louis' neck. "You're so dumb and cute," he mumbled. 

Louis just grinned, starting to laugh with Harry. 

Eventually they calm down, both watching the moon glow in the sky; eyes focused on the stars twinkling above them. "So, are you ever going to tell me what you do?" Louis asks softly.

Harry sighs quietly, pulling his head off Louis' shoulder. "I'm an escort."

Louis sighs heavily. "Okay H."

"I'm not fucking kidding," Harry promises, face serious. "I'm a escort Louis."

The words shoot through Louis' ears, looping around his brain over and over. It makes his entire body shake, then freeze. He slowly turns his head to Harry's, mouth agape as he stares at the man. 

Harry just takes another mouthful of beer, eyes trained on the horizon. 

"You- You're...you're actually serious?"

"Yes."

No one speaks for a few minutes, the air around them suddenly thick. Louis is the first to talk, though he stutters, words stuck in his throat;

"I...I don't-"

Harry butts in quickly; "You don't have to understand, hell you don't even have to like it, but it's what I am and all I ask is you respect that." His voice is robotic, like he's repeating himself. Louis thinks he's probably said this more than once. Louis would be correct.

"I respect it."

In complete shock, Harry snaps his head towards his neighbour, eyes studying his face for any signs he's lying. There's none. Louis has this sincere expression and Harry feels his heart start to race.

Eyes flick over faces before they meet and then Louis is scrambling onto his knees, throwing a leg over Harry's lap and grabbing his face. All of a sudden Harry has a Louis in his lap and lips crashing against his. His breath is completely taken from him, hands flying to grab at Louis' hips as his neighbour cups his jaw, pulling Harry closer. 

Louis lets out a small sigh as their tongues meet, his hand running through Harry's hair as he licks into his mouth. He tastes like beer and salt and it's intoxicating. 

Harry's hands fist at Louis' shirt, lips making smacking noises as they move against each other, heads clouded with fire and passion. 

"Bedroom," Louis mumbles into Harry's mouth, nipping at his bottom lip. 

Harry is quick to nod, lips never leaving Louis' as they wobbled to their feet, hands attached to waists and hips. They stumble through Louis' apartment, Harry crying out when he kicks his toe and Louis gasping when he almost trips over Collin, who's sitting on the floor with a look of judgment. 

Louis is quick to rid Harry of his shirt, pulling it up and over his arms. He pauses when he notices a scar on Harry's stomach. Thumbing at it softly, he looks up at Harry with question in his eyes. 

"I had my appendix out," Harry explains. 

"Oh, nasty," Louis breathes, kissing Harry's chest before ditching his own hoodie, unzipping it quickly.

"You don't wear t-shirts under?" Harry observes as Louis is pulling him in for another kiss. 

Louis just shakes his head before pressing their lips together again, winding his arms around Harry's neck. 

Harry pulls Louis flush against him with hands on his lower back, one sliding down to cup his arse through his sweatpants. 

Louis moans against his mouth before pulling away, pushing Harry towards his bed. "Take your pants off," he orders as he drops to his knees. "And sit on the edge. Wanna suck you off."

For the second time in less than 10 minutes Harry is in shock again, unable to do anything but rid himself of his jeans and pants, dropping onto the bed. 

Louis knees his way forward, eyes shining as he looks up at Harry. "Is this okay?"

Harry nods eagerly, leaning down to kiss Louis quickly. "Very okay," he promises before kissing Louis' forehead.

Louis smiles up at him before reaching out and taking Harry's cock in his hand. He bites his lip as he strokes him a few times, feeling Harry harden in his palm. The boy is hung, and Louis can't stop himself when he groans out, "You're fucking big."

Harry flushes a delicious pink as he smiles smugly. 

"Oi, no need to look so smug," Louis snaps up at him. "Remember I'm the one with your dick in my hand. I have all the power."

"You're right you're right," Harry tells him, though his face still reads smug. 

"Cocky bastard," Louis mutters before dipping down and taking Harry's head into his mouth, lips tight. 

Harry moans softly, hands instantly flying into Louis' hair. 

Louis pulls off and strokes him a few more times, a superior expression dawning his face.

"Now who's the cocky bastard?" Harry raises his brows in question.

Louis simply shrugs, faux innocent as he takes Harry back into his mouth. 

"Fuck," Harry breathes as Louis slowly bobs his head, tongue swirling around him, mouth hot and wet and delicious. 

Louis' pretty good at sucking cock, or so he's been told. He always takes his time, bobbing his head slowly over the length, tasting the skin, licking over the head and slit. He likes the burn it leaves when he pushes a cock down his throat, eyes squeezed shut as he breathes through it. And sucking Harry's cock, feeling that familiar stretch and burn, makes Louis' dick twitch. 

He gags around Harry, pulling off with a wet gasp. "Sorry," he breathes, coughing wetly. 

Harry just smiles though, tucking his hand under Louis' jaw and caressing his cheek with his thumb. "You're so pretty." 

Louis' so hard he's dizzy. He ducks down again, hiding his blush from Harry as he suckles the head, swirling his tongue around the pre-come spurting out. Harry tastes sweet. Louis reckons it's because he's always drinking sugary wine and eating weird fruits like papaya and honeydew. Louis' already addicted, moaning as he bobs his head down again, pushing his mouth down Harry's length. 

"Fuck, fuck," Harry groans, eyes falling shut at the sensation. "Lou, Lou, I don't think I'll last long if you keep- Oh!"

Louis' nose in pressed against Harry's groin, his entire cock surrounded by Louis' throat. Harry shudders, hands fisting in Louis' hair as he rocks forward slightly. 

Louis lets out a moan, wiggling his head before pulling off quickly, a tear slipping from his eye. 

"You're fucking fantastic!" Harry groans as he grabs Louis' face and pulls him in for a hard kiss, all tongues and moans. 

Louis gasps as Harry pulls him into his lap, kissing him passionately. 

"Need these," Harry says between kisses, hands cupping Louis' arse, tugging at his sweats, "...to come off."

Louis just laughs softly as he pushes at Harry's chest, climbing back off his lap and standing. He wiggles his hips, shimmying out of his sweatpants till they drop to the floor. 

Harry just groans again, flopping onto his back with a pout. "You don't wear pants under there either? I think I might be dying."

Louis giggles as he crawls over Harry's body, stopping when they're face to face. "Something wrong?"

Harry looks up at him, eyes shining. "You're just really hot."

Louis laughs softly as he ducks down to kiss Harry. "Right back at ya, Baby."

“Don't. Don't call me that. Only… only clients do.” 

Louis nods, face serious as he kisses Harry cheeks, forehead, nose. “To me, you're Harry. Plain old Harry.” 

Harry smiles gratefully as he kisses Louis softly, hands sliding down his sides and moving to grab his arse again, squeezing the plump flesh. "You've got such a nice arse Socks."

"Oi, you right just groping me?" Louis teases as he pushes against Harry's roaming hands. 

"I'm perfect."

Louis just shakes his head as he reaches down and takes his and Harry's cock in his hand. 

"Let me do it," Harry says, moving Louis' hand away before reaching for his cock, stroking it a few times.

Louis sighs in relief, pressing his lips to Harry's neck as he wanks them off together. "Fuck, your fucking hands," Louis breathes into Harry's skin, nipping at his throat. 

Harry just smirked as he moves his hand faster, panting into Louis' hair. 

Louis moans against Harry's jaw, mouthing at the skin. "I'm gonna come," he grunts as Harry twists his wrist, thumb catching at his slit. 

"Come for me Lou," Harry speaks softly, biting his lip as he feels Louis shudder against him, come spurting over his hand. 

Louis bucks into Harry's hand, riding his orgasm with a loud moan. 

Harry watches Louis as he comes, lips bitten red and eyes squeezed shut. Harry's never seen a more beautiful sight. He jerks his cock a few more times before he's spilling as well, shooting into his hand and up Louis' stomach. 

Louis laughs a little, sitting up, feeling breathless. "Nice shot."

Harry chuckles as he reaches out, rubbing his thumb over the line of come. "Just making my mark."

"You're sick." Louis rolls his eyes as he leans down to kiss Harry softly, licking into his mouth. He flops beside Harry when he can't take holding himself up anymore, letting out a happy sigh. "That was bloody good."

"Hm," Harry laughs, smiling tiredly. "Never knew the 'Escort Confession' was such a turn on."

Louis rolls onto his side and smiles, placing a hand on Harry's chest. "It was more that you were being completely honest. You opened up to me Harry, and that means a lot in my world."

Harry shrugs a little. "I trust you."

"And that's what was so hot," Louis explains further. "I really like you Harry, and to hear you trust me...- I promise I won't let you down."

"I hope you don't," Harry says quietly, meeting Louis' eyes. 

Louis leans over and kisses him softly as a promise. "I won't," he whispers as he traces Harry's collarbone with his fingers, dragging them over the skin of his shoulder. His eyes flick their attention to it when he feels a rough, wrinkled texture. He notices a few weirdly shaped scars there, little dots drawn across the the curve and heading down towards his shoulder blade. "Are these from your uh, friends?"

"Clients," Harry corrects before shrugging. "Past stuff."

Louis nods, staying quiet. He tries hard, so so hard not to feel sorry for Harry, but when he sees the physical scarring it's taken, he can't help it. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he kisses over them. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Harry falls asleep to Louis' mumbled apologises and lips kissing at his skin. 

\--

Harry first wakes when the sun is just rising, something soft tickling his nose. He blinks in the dark and notices the white hair of a certain cats tail. "Oi," he speaks softly, not wanting to wake Louis. "Couldn't you find somewhere else to sleep other than my chest?" 

Collin meows quietly as he rolls onto his side, stretching across Harry's torso. He's too tired to be bothered and falls back asleep with a arm around Louis and one hand buried in soft fur.

-

Harry wakes a second time to the sound of a fire alarm going off. He flings himself out of bed and down to Louis' kitchen to find him standing on a stool, waving a tea towel at the offensive thing. 

"Morning!" He calls as he bats at the smokey air. 

"Louis!" Harry yells, his hands pressed to his ears. "What the fuck-!" He's about ready to scream when the beeping stops suddenly. 

Louis lets out a sigh of relief. "Sorry!" He laughs as he jumps off the stool. "Guess it did the waking up for me eh?"

"I'm deaf now so yeah, thanks for that," Harry grumbled, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. 

Louis just laughs as he holds up a plate of...

"What are those?"

"Pancakes. Duh!" Louis snapped as he bumped Harry with his hip and carried the breakfast to the table. "Come on, let's eat."

Harry stayed leaning against the kitchen counter, air still a little foggy with smoke. 

"Harry," Louis warned as Collin appeared, ducking under the table to swirl around Louis' ankles. "Sit your arse down or I'll be forced to attempt an omelette."

Louis swears he's never seen Harry move so fast. 

After drowning his pancakes in syrup, Louis slurps at his tea with a mouth still half full, reaching down to scratch at Collin’s chin. He mewls happily, leaning into Louis' touch. 

"Aren't pancakes meant to be round?" Harry asks as he inspects his breakfast with his fork; it was a lopsided oval shape with mostly burnt spots. "And um, golden brown?"

Louis just rolled his eyes as he stuffed his face, syrup dripping down his chin. "Can I meet your family?"

The question comes during Harry's third bite and he nearly chokes. "Um, what?"

"Your family," Louis continues as swirls his fingers through the syrup pooled on his plate. "I want to meet your brothers and sisters."

"It's kind of hard to get them all together Lou."

"Then bring your favorites."

"I don't pick favorites."

"Nonsense!" Louis argued, waving his sticky fingers around. "Everyone has favorites. It's how family works."

"They work."

"After they're finished then."

"They work all kinds of times."

"Text them, I'm sure we can work something out."

"They never answer their phone."

Louis narrows his eyes at Harry. "You're trying to tell me that out of nine-"

"Eleven."

"Eleven! Eleven brothers and sisters, not one will pick up a phone, have some spare time or meet up with you?" Louis asked, crossing his arms in frustration. Here comes the excuses again. 

"They're busy," Harry shrugged as he collected their plates to put them in the sink. Collin shoots out from beneath Louis' feet and over to Harry, rubbing his cheeks along his toes. "They have their own lives to live."

"Fine then," Louis mumbled, playing with the tag of his teabag, sulking. "Bloody cat loves you more than me."

Harry smiles a little, ducking down to pet Collin a little. "Look, I'll see what I can do okay? But no promises."

"That's all I want," Louis told him. "Thank you."

"Mmhm," Harry hummed as he stood back up and turned the faucet on, running their plates under some hot water. 

"Did you eat enough?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Harry nodded. 

After a few minutes of dishes clinking and water splashing, Louis speaks again. 

"Is Liam an escort too?"

Harry drops a cup into the water his squark is so loud. "God, no. Ew," Harry laughed. 

"Hey, Liam's pretty good looking," Louis shrugged. 

Harry's eyes flash a little. "Ew, Louis."

"Hey hey now, I'm just saying as a gay man," he started, holding up his hands in surrender. "He's nice to look at. Good biceps."

Harry makes a wrenching noise. 

"Oh fuck off and answer the question."

Harry continued with the dishes. "No he’s not an escort. He just works at the club."

"The club?"

Harry nods as places the clean glass aside to dry. "Only Angel. It's a strip club. He's a bartender."

"And what? The club offers a prostitute with every pint or?" 

That stings. "I'm not a prostitute Louis, I'm an escort," he corrects quietly, sinking into himself self consciously. 

"Harry, I didn't mean...- Just explain it all to me," Louis begged a little. "Just explain it all so I know. I just need to know. Help me understand."

Harry sighs loudly, pulling his hands from the soapy water and drying them. "I don't...- I don't want what you feel for me to change."

Louis reaches his hands out, waiting for Harry until he finally walks over and reaches for them back. Louis joins their fingers together and smiles. "It won't."

"How do you know?"

"You said you trust me right?" He swipes his thumb over the back of Harry's hand. 

Harry nods. "Yes."

"Then tell me."

They sit and Harry talks, talks till his throat feels dry and scratchy, brain buzzing with past memories and emotions. Louis sits quietly, holding Harry's hands tightly as he finally explains himself, explains how he got here and why he is the way he is. He talks about fleeing a bad situation at home and ending up at the strip club, incredibly desperate with no money, begging for a job; just begging for someone to help him. He tells Louis all about Benjamin and how he'd dubbed Harry ‘Baby’ the second they met due to his boyish looks and innocent charm. He explains their past relationship and how the man practically saved his life; how he's  _ still _ saving his life. Reminisces on when he met Liam and how fast they connected, and how he selflessly allowed Harry to crash on his couch for  _ years _ until he'd saved enough money to afford his own place. Louis can tell by Harry's tone just how much Benjamin and Liam mean to him and he kinda wants Harry to talk about him like that. 

He smiles warmly at Harry as he eyes shine with happiness while talking about the pair. But then their conversation takes a turn and Harry squeezes his hands in warning. Harry admits the things he'd been made to do; like take drugs and perform sexual favours. The abuse he's received from clients and how that treatment “ _ just comes with the job _ ”. Louis wants to wants to cry and scream “ _ You don't deserve this _ !”, but he just sits and listens like he promised to, wishing he could just snatch Harry away and hide him from his life cause if he's being honest, Harry has been through some serious shit and Louis can't stand to think of it going on any longer. 

"Fifteen is so young," Louis whispered once Harry finishes, eyes trained on where their hands are still joined. “To be doing that stuff I-”

"Yeah," Harry answered back, voice rough. 

“Did...did you want to do that stuff?”

“What do you think Louis?” Harry deadpans. 

"Have..." Louis clears his throat. "Have you ever been raped?"

Harry doesn't answer but his eyes say it all. 

Louis looks away, feeling disgusted. Not at Harry but at the fact he's had to deal with this completely alone. He's disgusted with the human race and with anyone who could hurt this boy. 

"How do you feel?" Harry asks when Louis says nothing further.

"I'm… I'm still just trying to process it I think," Louis tells him.

"Do you want me to go?" Harry asked quietly, biting his lip nervously. 

"No," Louis answers. 

So they sit, hands squeezing tight as Louis processes and Harry prays he hasn't fucked this up.

"I need a smoke," Louis says sometime later, standing without a glance at Harry as he headed for the balcony. 

Harry sighed loudly, pushing his seat back and standing. With a whispered goodbye to Collin, Harry leaves. It's still a normal day for him, he has places to go and people to see. He gets dressed and heads out, trying to push Louis to the back of his mind. 

Louis shouldn't be so surprised when he steps back inside and finds no sign of Harry. I mean, it was a lot for Louis to take in and process, but he didn't think Harry would leave without a goodbye. He grabs Collin from the kitchen floor and decides to wallow in self pity all day until Harry comes back to him. 

-

Harry can feel blood gushing from his nose, crying out as the fist draws away. 

"I warned you boy," a deep voice seethes, panting as he thrusts harder into Harry. "No looking at me, Baby. Eyes closed."

He's use to this. These kind of customers, the ones who are ashamed of being gay, the married ones who lie to their wives and children, claiming their staying late at work when they're actually fucking the young mail guy or, in this man's case, hiring Harry to fill his needs. 

"Sorry," Harry gasped, squeezing his eyes closed as the man tugged hard at his hair. 

"I'm not gay," the man's mutters as he comes into the condom, hips smashing against Harry's skin as he throws his fist against his eye.

_ You're literally in me _ ! Harry wants to shout but he bites his tongue, waiting for the man to be finished with him. He stands, ignoring the ache in his back as he accepts the money and leaves without another word. He pulls his phone from his pocket and calls Benny, he needs a lift and something to stop the bleeding.

"What was his name, Baby?" Benny asks again, his face red with anger. 

"It's not a big deal Benny," Harry tires again, frozen peas pressed to his eye and nose. At least the bleeding had stopped. 

"Harry," He says lowly. "I won't ask again."

Harry sighs heavily, pulling the peas away. "Arnold Tillman."

Benny nods. "You won't be seeing him again," he tells him simply before lifting the peas back up to Harry's nose. "Ice for twenty Baby, then I'll wipe it clean."

Harry just nods, listens, like he always does. 

-

Louis jumps up from the couch when he hears keys rattle and noise out in the hall. "Harry," he says as he pulls his door open. "Can we talk- Oh."

Harry's standing there, right eye bruised and swollen with a man grabbing at his hips. The same man who exposed himself in the Harry's doorway a few weeks ago.

Louis swallows the lump in his throat as they make eye contact. Harry's eyes seem empty as he lets the man grope at him. "Sorry," he mouths before pushing his door open and disappearing inside with the man.  

Louis slams his door shut and sinks back into his couch, attempting to suffocate himself with a cushion until Collin starts to meow for dinner and he's too tired to die. 

-

"...yeah anyway, I called cause I was wondering what's good for a black eye?" 

"Louis!" There's panic in his mother's voice.

"No Ma, it's not me!" Louis quickly says, hearing a sigh of relief. "It's Harry. He's come home with a black eye and busted nose, and it looks really sore."

"Is the eye bloodshot?"

"Only a little."

"That's a good sign, less damage," she explains. "I would suggest ice for swelling and painkillers."

Louis nods. "Okay."

"How'd he get a black eye? Bit of a rebel, fighting in a clubs or something?"

"Yeah...something like that," Louis answers with a heavy sigh. He can't tell her, not yet.

"I think I'd quite like to meet this boy Louis. He sounds very interesting."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it Mum."

-

There's a knock at 2am. Louis had managed to move from the couch to his bed, falling asleep however, was not achieved as easily. 

He leaves his bed and walks down the hallway knowing exactly who it is. 

"I'm sorry," Harry whispers as he falls into Louis' arms. 

Louis just holds him tightly, feeling Harry making himself smaller in his arms. 

"I wish this wasn't how it is," Harry cries. "But it is and I can't-"

Louis shushes him quietly, pulling the upset boy to his bedroom, tucking them under the covers. 

"I can't Louis," Harry cried, gripping at the front of Louis' sleep shirt, tears soaking the material. 

"It's okay," Louis says quietly, cradling Harry's head, fingers brushing through his curls. 

Harry shakes his head desperately, letting out a sob. "Y-you don't understand."

"Then help me too," Louis whispers, holding his fringe back to look into Harry's eyes. "Who did this to you?"

Harry's face just crumbles as a new set of sobs take over, he gasps wetly as he cries. 

Louis just rocks them back and forth, waiting for exhaustion to take over the pair. 

-

Harry wakes up with sore, puffy eyes and a finger tracing up and down his spine. He lets out a loud sigh as he pushes his face further into the pillows. He wishes the world would just swallow him up.  

"Morning," Louis says softly, kissing along his shoulder through his shirt. "How you feeling?"

"Better," Harry answers, voice rough with sleep. "Sorry."

"Don't need to apologise Harry," Louis told him. "It's okay. Do you want some ice for your eye? It looks sore."

Harry shakes his head and says nothing for what feels like ages, just lays quietly as Louis slips his hand back up his shirt to touch his skin. And then...

"I'm a foster kid." The tracing stops. The hand disappears. Harry's too scared to turn and see Louis' expression. "That's why I have so many brothers and sisters. Why I don't talk about my family or my childhood."

“Family is nothing to be ashamed about Harry." 

"Mine are."

"Why?"

"They hurt me," Harry confesses quietly. 

"Harry... Look at me please."

Harry waits a few beats before turning over, finally facing Louis. He has this strange expression that makes Harry nervous.

"There are a lot of great people who have jerks for parents...we gotta stick together," Louis winks, smiling at Harry. 

Harry frowns slightly, eyes confused. 

Louis bumps his foot against Harry's, rolling his eyes. "I saw my Mum be broken over and over by men who didn't respect her. I watched her go through two divorces, seven births and I dealt with a whole lot of crazy. I was taking care of babies at age nine while my Mum worked three jobs. I had to deal with puberty and hormones and my sexuality while I taught my sisters how to cope with it all as well. Started working at the Chippy at fourteen to help Mum afford groceries. I failed school cause I didn't have the time to learn it; too busy helping me sisters with their homework. Mum was never around to help. Harry, I had to grow up so fast I never got to be a kid. And I blame my Mum for that but I still love her. Family can be fucked, but it's nothing to be ashamed of."

“I don’t…” Harry shakes his head in disbelief. "I don’t deserve this."

"You deserve good things Harry,” he tells him. 

Harry is quick to swoop in and kiss him hard, rolling Louis onto his back as he crawls over him. “You’re too good to me Louis Tomlinson,” he breathed against Louis’ mouth. 

Louis pushed at Harry’s chest so they could make eye contact. "I'm just giving you the love I think you deserve," he states, heart pounding as he lets that four letter word slip. 

Harry grins before dipping down to kiss Louis again, this time a little slower. His hands find Louis’ waist as they kiss, pulling Louis’ body up against his.

Louis’ pressed up against Harry, bending his legs to encase his hips as he kissed him, fingers running through his hair. 

The longer they kiss the hotter Harry feels, and soon he’s pulling his shirt off as he kisses down Louis’ neck, mouth hot and wet. 

“H…” Louis breathes as he pulls back to remove his own shirt. 

Harry practically rips it off the man, thumbs instantly running over his nipples. “Wanna fuck?” he asks lowly, mouth returning to Louis’ collarbones. 

Louis bites his lip, letting out a small whimper as he nods. “Yes. Okay.” 

Harry smiled down at him as he quickly got off the bed, wiggling out of his trousers before yanking at the covers. 

Louis kicks at the sheet as he removed his sweats, hand instantly finding his dick. 

Harry groaned as he climbed backs onto the bed, pushing Louis onto his back as he settled over his crotch. 

Louis cried out softly, fingers gripping curls as Harry’s mouth found the head of his cock, bobbing down his length easily. “Fuck Harry,” he breathed, teeth clenched.

Harry moaned around Louis’ cock, spit dribbling down his chin as he slurped at it. He closed his eyes as he bobbed his head, getting completely caught up in the feeling, the taste. 

“You like sucking cock huh?” Louis groaned as Harry forced more of him into his mouth. 

Harry pulled off with a gasp, mouth so red and  _ so _ wet. “Yes,” he answered, eyes glassy. 

Louis smiled at him, gently cupping his cheek. “What else do you like?” 

Harry bit at his cherry lips, looking at Louis almost shyly. 

Louis found it totally endearing how Harry became a little shy during sex. He’d expected the complete opposite from an escort, but he realised that this wasn’t Baby, this was  _ Harry _ . And Harry was still so young and fragile and he needed someone to take care of him. Louis was happy to be that someone. “Tell me Harry, it’s okay,” Louis pushed gently, his hand reaching out to brush Harry’s hair off his forehead. 

“Rimming,” Harry breathed. “I like rimming.”

“Giving or receiving?” Louis asked him. Please say giving.  _ Please _ say giving. 

“Giving.” There is a god!

Louis smiled at the boy. “You wanna rim me?” 

“Yes. Yes please,” he begged slightly, head nodding so fast Louis wasn’t sure Harry even knew he was doing it. 

“Come on then,” Louis said, moving himself back on the bed. “Show me.” 

Harry sat up, wanting so badly just to impress Louis. He pressed his hand to tenting in his boxers, looking at Louis. “Um- C-can you-“

“What is it babe?” Louis asked as he got up on his knees. “Take these off yeah?” He added, pulling at the waistband of Harry’s pants. 

Harry nodded, pulling them down his thighs. “I-  _ Shit  _ Lou.”

Louis smirked as he tugged at Harry’s cock slowly. “What do you want Harry?”” 

“Can- I want you to sit on my face,” Harry rushed out desperately. Louis’ never heard him talk so fast. He’s so turned on. 

“Okay pet. How do you want it?”

Harry gently moved Louis’ hand from his cock and pushed him to the side before laying on his back against the pillows, tapping his chest invitingly. 

Louis laughed softly as threw a leg over Harry, his back to him as he knees his way up to Harry’s face, hovering over him. 

Harry reached up to grip Louis’ hips, pulling at him. “Come on,” he said, his hot breath hitting Louis’ skin. 

Louis wiggles a little before sitting down onto Harry’s mouth, moaning instantly at how hot it felt against him, a wet tongue flicking over him already. 

Harry practically buried his face between Louis’ cheeks, eating him out like it was his last meal. He moaned against his hole as he slipped his tongue out, flicking it against the skin. 

“Oh! Ooh!” Louis cried out, hands squeezing Harry’s thighs as he held himself up. He gasped when he felt Harry pull back and spit into his hole. “Harry, fuck-“

“So wet Lou,” Harry moaned against him, wiggling his face back between his cheeks as he slurped at him. A sound so filthy it made Louis’ ears ring. 

Louis bit his lip as he desperately fought the need to come, thighs shaking with the efforts to keep himself composed. “H… I’m close,” he warned before crying out again. 

Harry had his tongue as far into his hole as he could reach, hands like vices on his hips as he started to rock Louis back and forth. He quickly pulled one of his hands away and reached around to grip Louis’ cock, jerking him off quickly. 

“No Harry I- Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck me _ !” Louis cried out, whimpering as he felt himself start to come, his whole body shaking with it. “Harry, Harry!” Come spurted into Harry’s fist quickly, Louis rocking desperately back onto Harry’s face as he rode out his orgasm, hands clenched in his own hair. He looked wonderful; tan skin glowing with sweat and lips bitten rosy. He was a vision and Harry couldn’t breathe. 

He quickly pushed Louis forward, pulling away from his arse with a wet gasp. “Jesus Lou,” he panted heavily, trying to catch his breath. “Almost smothered me with that thing.”

Louis laughed weakly, body still twitching. “S-sorry love, that was just-“ he puffed out a breath of air, a little in shock. He swung his leg off Harry and collapsed beside him. 

They both looked at each other and started to laugh, stupid grins on their faces. 

“You look ridiculous right now,” Louis giggled as he ran his fingers through Harry’s ruffled hair. 

Harry blushed as he scrubbed his hand over his wet chin, wiping it on the sheets. “Ridiculous… and still hard.”

Louis smirked at him. “Well, guess we better take care of that,” he said as he reached into his side table for supplies. “You gonna fuck me?”

Harry nodded his head, sitting up against the headboard. “Want you to ride me.”

“You only want more excuses to touch my arse,” Louis teased as he slicked three of his own fingers with lube. 

“Well, there’s no point in lying,” Harry shrugged. 

Louis laughed as he moved to sit over Harry’s lap, one hand on the headboard and eyes trained on Harry’s as he pressed two fingers into himself. 

Harry bit his lip as he looked up at his neighbour, hands dragging up his sides and around to his back, fingers tracing his golden skin. “You’re so pretty,” he breathed, hands sliding down to grip Louis’ cheeks, pulling them apart.

“Flattery will get you everywhere Styles,” Louis told him as he scissored his fingers, opening himself up for Harry. “Touch yourself for me.”

Harry removed one of his hands and curled it around his cock, jerking himself slowly as he watched Louis groan above him as he slipped a third finger in. 

“Ready for you,” Louis whined, sweat beading at his hairline. “Please H,” he begged desperately. 

“I got you,” Harry said as he slowly pulled at Louis’ wrist.

Louis groaned lowly as his own fingers left him, sitting back slightly as he reached around for Harry’s cock. 

“Let me, let me,” Harry said softly as he pressed a hand to Louis’ stomach and held his cock with the other, guiding Louis back gently. 

Louis moaned lowly when Harry started to press into him, throwing his head back. “Fuck,” he panted as he slowly pressed down. 

Harry watched Louis with dark eyes, rubbing at the stretched skin of his hole. “Okay?”

Louis nodded, his fringe damp and eyes closed as he panted, slowly rocking his hips as he adjusted. 

Harry sat up against him, pressing their chests together as he mouthed at Louis’ neck. “You’re so incredible,” he muttered into flushed skin, tongue dragging across his collarbones. 

Louis whined loudly, pressing his hands to Harry’s shoulders and squeezing, rocking against him harder. The feeling of Harry splitting him open so overwhelming Louis felt like his skin was on fire, thighs shaking and head feeling fuzzy. He could only focus on the way Harry’s breath hit his ear as he panted against him, and the way their skin rubbed together, sweaty and hot and just so caught up in each other. Louis had never experienced something like this before. He’d never felt such a connection with someone with no words being spoken. It was like Harry knew his body, like they’d done this a thousand times. He knew where to touch, where to scratch, where his lips should be and his hands... Louis was so caught up in the feeling he hardly noticed when Harry had flipped them over until he was overtaken by a new wave of ecstasy, crying out as Harry fucked into him hard, hands tight on his hips. 

“Harry, Harry Baby,” he moaned, gasping into his hand as he bit at his knuckle. 

“That feel good Lou?” Harry asked him, the chain around his neck beating against his chest as he moved. 

Louis nodded, looking up at him, hands reaching out to pull him down by his hair. “You fuck me so good,” he breathed, leaning up to kiss him harder.

Harry groans above him, tongue dragging against Louis’. “Do that again,” he whimpered into Louis’ mouth. 

Louis smirked, hand fisting in Harry’s hair. “What? This?” He asked as he tugged at his curls.

Harry cried out, hips jerking out of rhythm. “Yes, fuck.”

“You gonna come for me H?” Louis teased him. “Come from a simple hair pull?”

Harry whimpers loudly, burying his face in Louis’ neck. “Yes,” he answered almost pathetically. 

Louis grinned, kissing his cheek. “Show me.”

Harry pulled back, hips picking up again. 

Louis presses his hands back against the headboard, helping push himself down to meet Harry halfway, screaming out as his prostate was hit relentlessly. “H!” He cried, eyes growing wet. Louis felt so overwhelmed he couldn’t help it. 

Harry’s eyes bore down into Louis’, lips like cherries and skin shining with sweat. “I’m gonna come,” he breathed, hands splaying over Louis’ ribs as he fucked into him. 

Louis sniffles softly, reaching out a hand to pull Harry’s hair once more. “Come in me Baby,” he whispered. 

Harry grunted, eyes slipping shut as his orgasm took over. His arms shook with exhaustion as he fucked through it, crying out as he spilt into the condom. “Lou,” he whimpered. 

Louis presses up into him. “I’m right here,” he gasped out. “Doing so good. Made me feel so good,” he spoke, reaching down to jerk himself off to Harry’s last few thrusts. It doesn’t take long for him to come, shuddering against Harry’s body as they slow to a stop. 

“H?”

Harry feels fingers in his fringe and he squeezes his eyes tighter together. He doesn’t think he can handle looking at Louis right now. He just connected with him on a whole other level and he’s scared of what that means. He’s never come that hard in his life and he doesn’t understand what just happened. What he just felt. 

“Harry?”

_ No _ . He needs more time. He needs to pull himself together. He can’t let Louis see, knows he’ll call him out on it instantly. Louis reads him so easily and that scares Harry more than anything. 

“Baby?” 

Harry’s eyes flick open and suddenly it’s all clear and Louis is there and he’s all tears and sweat and blue eyes. And he’s positively glowing. Harry thinks he shines brighter than the sun. Maybe this isn’t so bad. 

“Sorry,” he breathes after a few seconds, gently pulling himself from Louis. 

“Where’d you go?” Louis asks softly, eyes sparkling through his wince. 

“Nowhere,” Harry told him. “I’m here with you.” 

Louis smiled at that, reaching out and pulling Harry down by his necklace to kiss him. 

Harry doesn’t allow himself to get lost in it, keeping the kiss quick before pulling away to lay beside Louis. He turns his back to his neighbour and wiggles backwards. 

He hears Louis laugh softly as he shimmies forward and wraps himself around Harry’s back, tucking a chin over his shoulder. 

“Isn’t the ‘fucked’ meant to be cuddled?” He teases softly. 

“The ‘fuckee’ can be the little spoon sometimes,” Harry says back. 

“Okay Babe,” he says gently, brushing Harry’s hair back off his face. “Whatever you want.” 

They must doze off cause the next thing Harry knows is there’s a ringing blasting from the floor and the sun's going down. He drags himself from Louis’ side and searches for his jeans, pulling his phone from the pocket. “Hello?”

As he talks quietly, Louis stirs and flips onto his stomach, resting his chin on his folded arms as he watches Harry with squinty eyes. 

“Yeah, I got it. I'll be there shortly,” he speaks before hanging up. “I gotta go,” he tells Louis as he slips his legs back into his jeans.

“Now?” Louis frowns, sitting up slightly. “But we just had sex.”

“Yeah and?” 

Louis pretends that doesn't sting. “Nothing I guess… When will you be back?” 

“Hard to say,” Harry answers as he does up his belt buckle and slips into his shirt. 

“Right.” Louis tries to fight off a scoff.

“It's my job Lou. I gotta be Baby.”

“Whatever,” he replied, rolling away from the man.

“Louis,” Harry sighed. He wished he could just slip back into bed and explain it all to Louis, maybe go for a round two, but as he checks the time on his phone, he knows he can't be late and leaves without another word. 

Louis turns back over with frustrated grunt, spying Harry's discarded boxers left behind on his floor. He wonders if it'd be weird to sleep with them. He grabs them anyway, holding them close as he falls asleep, feeling sore and little heartbroken. What's new?

-

Lou: 

_ Fucked Harry... _

Niall: 

_ GET IT SON!!!! _

-

Lou: 

_ Fucked Harry... _

Z: 

_ you fucked or he fucked? _

Lou:

_ He fucked _

Z: 

_ let me fuck you :( _

Louis sighs. He needs better friends. 

-

"Mum, Mum, please," Louis begs. "I love hearing about cute things the twins do but I called for some advice."

"Right, sorry pet," Jay says. "I'm all ears."

Louis takes a deep breathe. "Harry and me had sex."

"Okay..."

"And don't get me wrong, it was great," he tells her. "But, afterwards he just kind of left."

"Where did he go?"

"He had a cl- Work. He had to go to work."

"Well, I'm sure if he didn't have work he'd have stayed."

"Yeah but," Louis bites his lip. He wants to tell her Harry left to fuck someone else. He wants to get it all off his chest and just cry and scream because he's so angry! He's so angry that Harry had sex with him, like real and raw love making, and now Louis doesn't know where he is or if he's safe and it stresses him out. He's so tense because he really likes Harry and he has no idea how he'll ever accept what Harry does. If he can even accept it. He just wants to cuddle him and never let him go. "Harry's different Mum. He takes a long time to trust anyone and I thought this might finally crack him, I guess? And that maybe he'd have some kind of like, snap in his head and he'd realise-"

"That you love him?"

Louis scoffs dryly. "Um what? I don't love him,” he exclaims, voice high with lies. 

"Oh Louis, I'm talking through the phone and even I can tell that's a lie."

Louis just sighs. He’s been doing that a lot lately. 

"Look Boo," Jay starts. "I've gathered from previous conversations Harry isn't...normal. He sounds to be very guarded, possibly from past relationships or something else. Maybe he doesn't know what he did was wrong or hurt you. I think you just need to talk to him about it and let him know what you're feeling."

"I don’t want to get hurt Ma."

"We all get hurt Lou, but you can't let that stand in the way of something that could be spectacular."

Louis hates when she's right. "I guess."

"Why don't you come see me this weekend? I'm on some new medicine and it's given me some extra energy. Bring Harry if he wants to come. I'll cook a roast."

"With yorkshire puddings?"

"And gravy."

Louis smiles, mouth watering at the sound of it. "Count us in."

-

"Harry, can I talk to you about something?"

They're sitting on the roof, right on the ledge of the building, feet dangling seven stories up. Louis has Harry's coat wrapped around his shoulders and their thighs are pressed together. The sun is setting and Louis thinks it's all extremely romantic, even if they are just up here to share a fag and sit quietly. 

"Shoot."

"The other day, when we-"

"Fucked?"

Louis tries not to blush. "Yes. You...you left-"

"I had a job."

"No, I know you did," Louis explains. This is harder than he'd thought it'd be. "And I know you can't help it or whatever but, it kind of hurt? You just left, barely without a goodbye-"

"I don't want to get attached."

"Harry," Louis says blankly. "You had your dick in my arse, I think we can both agree you're attached."

Harry only sighs.

"Look, we don't have to label it," Louis promises him. "But you know there's something between us and it hurts me when you ignore it. That's all." He takes a deep breath before taking a deep drag. He did it. 

"I'm not stupid Louis, I know there's something between us," Harry starts. "But I've told you I can't do relationships. Besides, we're just having a little fun, you know? Nothing serious."

Louis tries not to wince. “How do you know it couldn't be?"

"Because Benny won't allow that," Harry states simply.

"And you let Benny make all your decisions?"

"It isn't like that Louis-"

"Then grow a backbone and tell me you don't like me!" He huffs, annoyed as he lights another smoke.

"I don't," Harry says weakly. 

"You can't stop yourself from having feelings for someone Harry," Louis says softly, pulling his knees to his chest. 

"Try me," Harry whispers as he stubs the first cigarette and pinches the second from Louis' fingers. 

They sit for while, eyes both trained on the sky. It's getting darker by the second, stars peeking through the purple hue as London settles into night time. Louis speaks when he can't take the sound of rush hour traffic anymore. 

"My Mum wants to meet you," he says.

"Oh? You've been telling her about me?"

Louis blushes and shrugs, turning to look at Harry. "Would you come? I'm seeing her this weekend."

"I'm not the type of guy you take home to your mother Louis," Harry says quietly, watching the smoke from his cigarette wisp into the air. 

"And what type of guy is that?" Louis asks him, eyes trained on Harry's profile, wishing Harry would look at him. 

"Not me," he said simply.

"Harry, what you do doesn't define you," Louis started, voice quiet but honest. "It's just something you do. It doesn't make you who you are. And my Mum doesn't know. I respect you enough not to tell her without your permission."

Harry stays quiet, watching the sun disappear behind the buildings on the horizon. 

"Do you wanna know what I see." Louis isn't asking a question, knows Harry will say no if he did. "I see this incredible boy who had a shit start to life, but it doesn't stop him from being generous and kind. He doesn't live a world of self-pity or hate, or sit around feeling sorry for himself, he picks himself up and works hard to survive. He does what he can to give himself a better life-"

"My life isn't much better than what it had been Louis,” Harry tells him.

"Where would you rather be, where you were or right here and now?"

For the first time, Harry turns to look at Louis, eyes a little wet and cheeks pink from the crisp air. "Here. With you."

Louis smiled, blushing a little. "See. And that's all we need. You and me."

"I don't know Louis," Harry sighed, turning back to the sky. "I...- I'm probably not like other guys you've dated. Not that we're dating," he clarifies quickly

Louis ignores that last part. "Exactly!" He exclaims. "You're so much better H. You actually care about me and my feelings, and my Mum will see that. All she wants is me to be happy Haz, and when she sees how happy you make me, how great of friends we are...-"

"What if they hate me?"

Louis shook his head, lifting his hand and pulling Harry's chin towards him, looking into his eyes sincerely. "Hey, listen to me," he said softly. "I promise you that will never happen. They could never hate you Harry, you're much too wonderful."

Harry sighed again but his shoulders drop, relaxing as he looked over Louis' face. "Okay."

"Okay...? As in you'll come?"

Harry nods and Louis beams as he nicks the fag and takes a pull. 

\--

"Ma!" Louis squeals as soon as he sees her, instantly wrapping his arms around her. 

"Oh, my baby," Jay breathes into his hair, kissing wherever she can reach. "So good to see you."

Louis just grins as they hold each other. She's a little frailer and looks tired but her cheeks are pink and she's glowing with excitement. He kisses her cheek as he pulls away, giving her hand a quick squeeze. 

"Mum, I'd like you to meet Harry," he says as he steps aside and gestures towards the boy slumped in the doorway. 

"Hi," he says softly, giving a gentle wave. 

"It's lovely to finally meet you Harry," Jay smiles, stepping over to give him a warm hug. 

Harry tries desperately not to melt into it. He hasn't had a Mum Hug in, well, ever. "You too," he whispers into her vanilla-y hair. "Thank you for having me."

"Oh, of course, you're welcome anytime," she says as she pulls back. "Now, fair warning, we have a very packed house at the moment and screaming toddlers."

"It's okay," Harry tells her. "I'm use to chaos."

"Well then, you'll fit in perfectly here."

Louis leads Harry upstairs and to the end of the hall, stepping into his old bedroom. Harry tries not to laugh.

"What?" Louis scoffs. "Everyone has a celebrity crush."

Harry smirked, looking over the giant poster of David Beckham on the roof. "Becks is bit out of your league, don't you think?"

"Oi!" Louis snaps, tossing his bag onto his bed. "Beckham is a total babe and he'd die for a piece of this arse."

"Mm," Harry hums, watching as Louis bent over to rifle through his stuff. "I know someone else who would too."

Louis just smirks as he looks for his sweats. 

Dinner is mayhem. You have Lottie and her boyfriend at one end of the table, followed by Felicity, Daisy and Phoebe and then Doris squeezed in between Louis and Harry, with Ernst opposite between Jay and Dan. There's all sorts of conversation happening, questions about Harry's life and living in London; Louis is quick to change the subject when Harry's career comes into question and Harry just squeezes Louis' thigh as a thank you as he talks about the cost of London coffee. Then suddenly peas are being flung across the table followed by a screaming Doris in tears over jelly and ice cream. Harry just sits, quiet and fond, as he watches Louis attempt to calm Doris down with a bribe of both green  _ and _ red jelly while Jay makes Ernst pick up the scattered peas, Ernst giggling by her side even though he's in trouble. He watches Lottie and Tommy talk softly together, having a secret conversation while the other three sisters have a heated discussion about which movie to watch after dinner. The family is nuts, and Harry loves it. 

"I love your family," Harry whispers when they're finally alone in Louis' bed. It's a little squishy but Harry likes how Louis presses into his side. 

"They're flippin' mental," Louis laughs. "But they're mine."

Harry's smile tweaks slightly, eyes dropping. 

"Do you miss yours?" Louis asks quietly, hand dragging up Harry's arm. 

"Yeah," Harry answers. "I haven't seen anyone in so long. I just wish we were closer."

"Do they all live in the UK?"

"Last I heard, only Mark didn't," Harry explains. "He works in California for some tv show. The rest are still here. Gemma is the closest I believe. Lives in London too, doing social media blogging and websites things."

"Well, why don't you give her a call? I'm sure she'd love to catch up."

"Nah, no, she wouldn't," Harry shakes his head.

"You'll never know until you try Harry," Louis presses. "Come on. What harm could a phone call do?"

"Okay, I'll give her a ring when we get home."

"Atta boy!" Louis grins, kissing Harry quickly. "Now, let's get some sleep."

"Yeah, okay," Harry smiles. "Goodnight... _ Boobear _ ."

"I fucking knew she'd tell you!" 

Harry spends the next 10 minutes laughing while fighting off the pillow being shoved over his face. 

-

When they wake the next morning, Harry has little hands tugging at his hair. "Harry," a quiet voice says, slightly muffled. "Up, up, get up." 

He can feel Louis smiling into his neck as he cracks an eye open to see Ernst standing there giggling around his dummy as he continues to swat at the covers. "Harry! Up!"

Harry sighs softly before quickly reaching out and grabbing Ernst, scooping him off the ground. The small boy squeals in delight, laughing as Harry holds him sideways, then upside down. 

"Who dares disrupt my slumber?" Harry says with a booming voice.

Louis rolls onto his back and laughs, rubbing his sleepy eyes while watching the pair play. He thinks it's rather charming Harry gets along so well with his family, even the little ones. He'd make a great Dad. Not that Louis thinks about that ever, but... he honestly would. 

"Alright alright, put the munchkin down," Louis laughs as he sits up. "Ern, can you go wake Lottie and Tommy up?"

Ernst just nods, running out the room as fast as he can. 

Harry smiles as he flops back on the bed. "He's such a cute-" He's cut off with lips pressing to his. Harry sighs into the kiss, hand reaching up to cup Louis' neck as they kiss for a few minutes, the noise of Ernst squealing drifting in from down the hall. "What was that for?" 

"I just love that you love my family," Louis shrugged. "And to think you were worried."

Harry shrugged back. "I had every right to be. How was I to know they would be so lovely?"

"Duh! They raised me," Louis laughed, swatting Harry's chest. "And I'm terrific."

"That you are Louis Tomlinson," Harry whispered, kissing him quickly. "That you are."

God he likes Louis. He likes him so so much. He’s all he can think about. All he wants to think about.  _ God _ he likes him. 

"What?" Louis asks softly, bumping their knees together. "You're looking at me weird."

His words shake Harry from his downward spiral. "No, no," he says, sighing. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"How..." He bites his lip. "How to break it to your Mum..."

"Break what to her?"

"That...that her son is a terrible cook," Harry tells him seriously. "Honestly, how someone who cooks like her, had a son like you...? Shame."

"You fucker!" Louis laughed, quickly sitting on Harry's stomach, pinching and twisting his nipples hard and fast. 

"Ow! Lou!" Harry winced, face twisting in pain. 

"That's what you fucking get ya bastard."

Harry just grins, nipples red and puffy. 

-

They leave Louis’ Mum’s house late afternoon, driving in the orange glow of the sunset as Coldplay flitters through the radio quietly. Harry dozes in and out of sleep while Louis sings under his breath. It’s kind of a perfect afternoon.

When they reach home, Louis races up to Niall’s to grab Collin before they wrap themselves up on his couch, eating cup noodles with a blanket draped over their shoulders. 

“Lou?” 

“Yes pet?”

“Your Mum… she's sick, isn’t she?” Harry asks quietly, blowing at the steam floating from the cup. 

He watches Louis’ jaw clench, eyelashes fluttering as his gaze drops. He clears his throat, voice quiet. “Yeah.”

Harry doesn’t speak for a while, just watches Louis’ play with his food, avoiding eye contact. 

“I’m sorry for not telling you.”

Harry shakes his head. “Don’t be Lou,” he says. “It’s none of my business.”

Louis just nods, swirling his noodles around and around his fork. 

“Will she be okay?” Harry asks.

“Honestly,” Louis answers, voice strained. “I don’t know.”

Harry is silent after that, just reaches across to squeeze Louis’ hand tightly. He doesn’t let go.  

-

Harry:

_ Hey so... I kinda met this guy and he won't stop bugging me about meeting at least one of my siblings and you're the least worst one. So… Would you be free this Saturday for dinner? _

Gemma:

_ Well... firstly, thank you for ranking me 1st in 'Best Sibling' and second, I'd love too. I usually work late on a Sat but I can meet you both for 8? You're still in London yeah? _

Harry:

_ Yeah, we're not far from the city. I'll send through details when we pick a place. Thanks Gems. x _

Gemma:

_ No bother H. Good to hear from you xx _

-

"So you're one of the many infamous Styles Siblings eh?" Louis greeted as a girl approached their table, hair fair and bleached and green eyes so familiar. "I'm Louis."

"Gemma," she smiled. Harry had the same grin. "Pleasure."

"Indeed," Louis smiled back, taking a sip from his beer. They'd arrived early to secure a table, and to have time for Harry to have a drink to calm himself. He’d been so anxious on the car ride over, he'd almost made himself sick.

"Well," Harry interrupted. "Good to see you Gems. Do you want a drink? Beer? Cocktail? Water?" 

"Harry babe, calm down, let the poor girl sit for minute," Louis said softly, touching a hand to his thigh.

Harry took a deep breath, legs fidgeting. 

Louis knew Harry was nervous. Not only for him to meet Gemma but for Harry to see his sister. It'd been over a year and he'd psyched himself out before they even arrived to the joint ( _ “Are you sure it’s too late to cancel?” “Babe, we’re literally in the parking lot.” _ ).

"Good choice," she said, looking around. "This place looks sick."

They'd picked a little burger bar Harry knew about. It's got crappy lighting, corny retro signs and posters with miss-match bar stools and chairs, but it's quiet and hidden. Louis thinks that'll help Harry's anxiety about tonight. 

"We wanted somewhere casual," Louis told her. "H told me this place makes the best cheeseburgers and loaded fries."

"Oh hell yeah!" Gemma exclaimed. "I love when they put all the sour cream and cheese and gravy."

"Me too!" Louis said excitedly, conversation feeling as natural with Gemma as it is with Harry. "We better order two serves of those."

" _ Agreed _ ," Gemma nodded as she opened her menu. 

Louis took that moment to look at Harry, finding he was already looking right back. "What?" He asked, laughing softly. 

"Nothing," Harry answered pecking Louis gently, smiling from ear to ear.

So they talked.  _ A lot. _ They talked through four rounds of drinks,  _ three _ serves of loaded fries, dinner  _ and _ dessert. Gemma's favorite thing seemed to be telling copious amounts of embarrassing stories of what Harry was like as a kid, which Louis isn't mad about at all. Especially when he hears how Harry use to belt out  _ Endless Love _ on the karaoke machine; ( _ "You'd make a great Diana babe." "Excuse me! I was Lionel all the way." "Yeah, whatever you say Miss Ross." "He use to wear my feather boa and heels-" "Gemma!" _ ). Louis kinda loves this, not just because Harry was flushing red and attempting to hide his face in his neck but it was all such a blessing and the night had gone so well and he was feeling so giddy and happy. Louis hadn't seen Harry so relaxed and silly before. And he knew this was a side he wanted to bring out more often. He needs to ask Gemma her secret. 

When he excused himself to the bathroom, Gemma fixed Harry with an odd look.

"What?" Harry asks, avoiding her gaze as he plays with a few leftover fries in the basket. 

"You  _ liiike _ him." She grinned. 

"Do not!"

Gemma laughs. "Yeah right H! It's written all over your face."

Harry bites his lip, looking at her. "Is it that obvious?"

"Oh my god, this is so great."

"No it's not," Harry told her. "It's a fucking nightmare."

"What? Why?"

"I can't be with someone like Louis, Gems. He's far too wonderful. He deserves so much better than me."

"No, no, don't do that to yourself Harry," Gemma scolded. "That's not you talking. That's Mac and Phil." 

Harry flinched slightly. He hadn't heard those names in a long, long time. "Please don't talk about them."

"Harry..." Gemma sighed, reaching to touch his hand. "Have you ever spoken to someone about it? About what happened to us?"

Harry shook his head slightly, eyes staring at the wood of the table. 

"Babe…” She started, squeezing his fingers. “I think you really need too."

"I can't Gemma. I just….. I can't."

"Harry," Gemma said seriously. "You're never going to heal if you don't talk about it."

Harry doesn't say anything, just lets his shoulders sag more. 

"Does Louis know?"

"Only little bits."

"You need to tell him H."

"But, he makes it all go away. He makes me feel so good," he explained desperately. "I don't want all that stuff to ruin it. I can't ruin this."

"Hey... if he loves you like I think he does," Gemma started, smiling when Harry met her eyes. "He won't care. He'll just want to help you get better."

Harry doesn't speak for a few moments, then, "You really think he does?"

"Really think he does what?" Louis asked as he sat back down beside Harry, eyeing the pair. 

"Liam," Gemma lied easily. "I'm convinced he has a huge-"

"Okay! That's enough you!" Harry butted in, laughing. 

"What?" Gemma asked innocently, waving a dismissive hand. "I was going to say paycheck. Do you know how much bartenders get tipped!?"

Louis just laughed. And Harry never let go of his sister's hand.

-

“I  _ love _ your sister,” Louis breathes against Harry's mouth, moaning as they kiss. 

Harry groans and not in a good way. “Lou. Maybe we don't talk about her while my hand is down your pants.” 

Louis laughs, nodding. “Fair point.”

Harry lips are back on his in an instant. 

-

Louis wakes the next morning, surprised to see Harry fast asleep beside him. He rolls over to check the time; 11:42am. Usually Harry’d have gone by now, Louis kinda likes that he's not. 

He sighs happily, flipping onto his stomach as he studies Harry's face. God, he's just so beautiful. Louis has never met anyone so stunning. And it doesn't help that Harry has no idea either; has no clue how beautiful he is. Louis wants to tell him every second of every day. 

“Stop starin’ at me,” a deep voice drawls. 

Louis laughs softly. “But you're just  _ so _ pretty.” 

Harry gives a weak laugh. “Hardly,” he replies as he opens his eyes and looks at Louis.

“You  _ are _ ,” Louis insists, hand running down Harry's side. “You're beautiful Harry.” 

Harry smiles, all dimple-y and sleepy as he rolls onto his back and stretches.

Louis pecks his shoulder, lips brushing Harry's scars. “I loved meeting Gemma last night. Think she liked me?” 

“Are you kidding?” Harry laughed with a shake of his head. “She loved you Lou,” he told him, looking over at the boy. “You'll be best mates in no time.” 

“Does that mean we’ll see her again?” 

Harry shrugged, yawning loudly. “We’ll see.” 

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“Does Gemma know? About you being-“

“No! God no. She thinks I bartend like Liam,” Harry told him. 

Louis nodded a little. “I want to meet them all you know… Every brother and sister.”

“I know,” Harry replied, looking up at the ceiling as Louis tucked himself into his side. “Maybe someday.” 

“Who's the best after Gemma?” Louis asked curiously. 

“Probably… Louise,” he answered. “She's a bit older than me but she was the best when we were growing up. Use to help me ditch school without getting caught.” Harry smiles at the memory. 

“And what does Louise do?” 

“Some kind of stylist,” Harry answers. “She had a baby a couple years back now.” 

“You've never met her?” 

Harry shook his head. “I told you, we're busy Louis.” 

“But she's family.”

“Technically yes,” Harry said. “But not by blood.” 

“Are you related to any of them by blood?” 

“Just Gemma.” 

Louis nods a little. “No wonder you're both so gorgeous.” 

“ _ Lou _ !” Harry groans, hiding his face under the covers. 

Louis just kisses his shoulder again, laughing quietly. “You're cute.” 

“That's what they tell me,” Harry sighed as he pushed the covers back down. 

Louis sighs softly as he traces Harry's skin with his fingers, running it over the scar on his stomach. “Have you ever thought about quitting?” 

"It's not that easy Lou," Harry tells him. 

“I know,” Louis says quietly. “But have you?”

“All the time.” Harry confesses with a sigh. 

“Then why don't you?” 

“Because it's not that simple Louis,” Harry snaps. "Sorry I just…- It's just like...- It's all I know; all I've ever known. What would I do? I wouldn't even know where to begin if I did quit."

"I'd help you," Louis tells him. "Being an escort isn't who you are Harry, it's just something you do. Why don't we make it something you  _ did _ ."

"I think I'd like that," Harry confesses like it’s wrong. "I'm kinda tired."

Louis laughs suddenly, nodding. "I can only imagine."

Harry smiles, looking down at Louis. “Maybe… Maybe I'll say something to Benny.” 

Louis’ smile could light up the world it's so bright. “I'd be very proud of you if you did.” 

That only makes Harry more determined.

-

“No.”

“But-” 

“I said  _ no _ Harry.” Benjamin snaps. “You've known me what? Seven years?” 

Harry nods. 

“And you met this boy five minutes ago and you're willing to give up everything for him? Everything you've worked for?” 

“Not for him,” Harry corrects. “For… for me.” 

“Why?” 

“I'm tired Benny,” Harry confesses, looking at the man with sad eyes. “I'm tired. I'm getting too old for this shit. I don't wanna do it anymore.” 

“Well, that's really not your decision Baby,” he explains as he stubs his cigarette out. 

“Of course it is.” 

“Actually it's not,” Benjamin explained. “You agreed to a contract and that contract states I have power over your decisions when I see fit. And I'm seeing fit here Harry. You will stay my Baby. You will do as I say.  _ You _ belong to  _ me _ . Understand?” 

Harry nods pitifully. “Yes sir.” 

“Good Baby,” Benjamin praises, caressing Harry’s cheek. “Now get dressed, we’ve got people to impress.”

-

The club is busy tonight, music blaring as people bustle about; drinking and watching performers. Harry's pressed against Benjamin in a booth, five other men squeezed in as well. These men had specifically asked to meet with Benjamin. Harry instantly knew it was to talk about ‘Baby’ when Benjamin made him dress to the nines. 

It wasn't long before one of them pulled a baggie from their jean pocket. Harry had tried to politely decline the coke, but Benjamin just squeezed his bicep: so he did the line like he was told too. Then two others. Now he's laughing but he doesn't understand what's funny; eyes blown wide with his arm wound around Benjamin to keep himself grounded. 

“So this is the infamous Baby?” 

Harry sighs softly at the name, head resting on Benny’s shoulder. 

“Aye,” Benny answers, running his fingers through Harry's hair as he looks at him. “Beautiful innit he?” Harry blushes. 

The men nod, eyeing Harry hungrily. “How much?” Harry tries not to wince. He hates being spoken about like he's not there. 

“Depends what you want.”

“Him. For a night.”

“With all five?” 

The man nods. 

“Sorry,” Benjamin says. “Baby only does up to two lads at a time.” 

“We could just take turns with him.” 

“And what? Let you all get too excited and rowdy and end up wanting to double dick him or some shit?” Benny snapped. “No, Baby is a prize possession. He needs to be taken care of,” he explains with a hand rubbing through Harry’s hair. 

The boy could almost purr.

“We’ll take care of him,” the same man says, reaching to touch Harry's hand. “Come on Baby, you know you'll be safe with us.”

“Benny,” Harry whimpers softly. He's so high he feels like his ears are bleeding, his blood pulsing through his veins. 

“Sorry gents,” Benny shrugs. “Not tonight. Baby needs to rest.” 

Harry is then being pulled from the booth and lead upstairs to Benjamin’s flat. He can always tell when Harry's taken it a little too far. When he needs to be cared for. 

“You took it a little far there Baby,” Benny scolds softly. “You know you don’t mix well with coke.”

“Sorry Benny,” Harry whimpers again as Benny gets him settled on the couch. 

“I know you are,” he says softly, combing his fingers through Harry's hair. “Those guys were perverts though. They don’t know how to treat you do they?” 

Harry shook his head with a pout. 

“But I do.” 

Harry nodded, looking up at Benny, chewing his lip. 

Benny just smiles that beautiful smile as he climbs into Harry's lap and pulls off his shirt. “How baked are you right now Harry?” 

“Baked like a pancake,” Harry answers then giggles loudly. “Louis burns his pancakes.” 

“And where is Louis tonight?” Benny's head is tucked into Harry's neck, lips running over his heated skin. 

Harry shrugs a little. “Probably at home.” 

Benny has his skin between his teeth now, nipping hard. He's always enjoyed marking Harry up. “Waiting for his boyfriend to come home and fuck him huh?” 

Harry shivers, hands curling around Benny’s hips. “Not… not my boyfriend.” 

“Hm, good,” Benny hums as his eyes meet Harry's. “Does he fuck you good?” 

Harry whimpers softly, eyes dropping to Benjamin's chest. He's always liked his chest hair. He touches it as a distraction. 

“Ahh.” His voice is so smug. “Hasn't fucked you yet has he?”

Harry shakes his head. 

“Aw, my poor Baby needs to be fucked doesn't he?” Benny cooes, pouting down at Harry. “Love to be full and fucked out don't you?” 

Harry just whimpers again, nodding pitifully. “Yes.” 

“Yes what?” 

“Yes sir.” Coke makes him easy.

Then in the blink of an eye, Benny has Harry on his bed, jeans ripped off and three fingers deep inside of him. 

Harry moans loudly, sweat beading at his hairline as the drug still pulses through his body. “Benny, Benny-” 

“I got you H,” Benny tells him, kissing his hip bone gently. “Gotta get my Baby nice and ready for my cock don't I?” 

Harry just moans again, hands fisting at the sheets. “Please.”

“Alright alright,” Benny chuckles softly as he pulls his fingers from the boy. “Take your shirt off,” he instructs as he rids himself of the rest of his clothes. 

Harry quickly yanks off his shirt before flipping onto his stomach, settling on his hands and knees. 

“Oh,” Benny breathes when his attention is back on Harry. “That's how you want it huh?” He smirks, his hand coming down in a quick slap to Harry's arse. 

Harry whimpers loudly, wiggling back towards Benny. 

“Still such a good boy Harry,” Benny praises as he quickly slicks himself up. “Still my good boy.” 

Harry grunts when Benny finally pushes into him, back muscles tensing as he grips the pillow underneath him. “Ben- Please.” 

“I know Baby,” Benny tells him, hands dragging down his sides as he bottoms out. “Gonna fuck you so well. Like always.” 

Harry just pants into the pillow, little whines leaving his mouth as Benny starts to fuck into him in quick, hard thrusts. 

It's hot and dirty, which is nothing new for them. Benny’s grip is on the edge of painful but Harry can't feel anything, numb with ecstasy. Benny has him coming with a loud cry, cum spurting onto the bed below. Then Harry's words of “ _ give it to me, need your cum Benny, please _ ” have Benny releasing into Harry with a grunted moan and a smack to his arse. 

They lay side by side, panting loudly as they recover from both post coitous and the drugs. Harry is the first to make a move, kissing Benny quickly before starting to get dressed. 

“You can stay,” Benny offers, pulling the sheets over himself. 

Harry just shakes his head. “You and I both know that's dangerous Benny. I'll become your bloody sex slave,” he grins cheekily as he pulls on his shoes. He’ll pretend for Benny’s sake, but really he just wants to go home to Louis and Collin. Even if it's just to say goodnight. 

“Wouldn't be the  _ worst _ thing... love you Baby,” Benny grins back, blowing him a kiss. 

Harry catches it as he grabs his bag, lets himself out and makes his way home. 

Louis’ surprised he'd even managed that when he sees the state Harry's in. His hair is a mess, his shirts on backwards and his fly down. His hands are shaking as he reaches for Louis and pulls him close. He won't stop muttering to himself, apologising for doing  _ it.  _ And Louis wants to reassure him it's okay but, he doesn't even know what  _ it _ is _.  _

“Harry babe, stop,” Louis says gently as he hands him a cup of tea. “Drink the tea.” 

“I didn't want too,” Harry repeats again as he fits his hands around the hot mug. “Coke isn't my thing.” 

Ah _. Drugs _ is  _ it.  _

“Okay pet,” Louis speaks softly, sitting beside Harry and throwing a blanket over their legs. “It's okay.” 

“I'm so fucked up,” Harry mumbles into the china. 

“No Harry, you're not-” 

“I am!” Harry cries out, louder than he was probably meant too. “I just got fucked Louis. I literally have cum in my arse and now I'm sitting on your sofa wanting nothing more than to kiss you! I'm fucked up. I'm so fucked up.” 

Louis doesn't say anything, just encourages Harry to drink his tea as he listens to him babble on and on. 

He's fucked up, but Louis doesn't care. Shows it in the way he helps Harry up from the couch and into the shower, washing away any traces of someone else on his skin. He dries him gently before getting him into a pair of boxers and socks. ( _ “Ponies! I have to wear these!” “Okay love, you can wear the pony socks. Just get into bed already.” _ ) He tucks the blankets up to Harry's chin and waits for him to pass out before showering and changing himself. He slips back into bed and snuggles right up against Harry, stealing his warmth as he too drifts off to sleep. They'll deal with it all tomorrow. 

-

Tomorrow comes with rain hitting the window and a pained groan of “ _ fuck _ .” 

Louis flips over to face Harry, rubbing his eyes. “You okay?” 

“Got a wicked headache,” Harry replied with a wince, squinting down at Louis. “Cocaine and I aren't friends.” 

“Yeah,” Louis answers, not really knowing what else to say. 

“Sorry I came here,” Harry says. “I wasn't thinking straight.” 

“Don't be stupid,” Louis said as he sat up. “You're always welcome here. Actually, I'm kinda happy you did... You were a mess Haz.” 

Harry scratches through his tattered hair. “I know,” he sighs heavily again. “Benny had these guys who bought Coke and-”

“They fucked you?” 

“No! No, god no. Benny wouldn't let them.” 

Louis scoffed. “Nice of ‘im.” 

“No, Lou, Benny's not like that. He cares about me,” he tried to explain. “Benny always does what's right for me. He takes care of me.”

“So Benny fucked you?” Louis guesses. 

“We were high.” Harry knows it's not an excuse but also, he and Louis aren't dating so he can fuck whoever he wants. Louis doesn't have the right to make him feel guilty. 

“Yeah,” Louis just says again before laying back down. “There's aspirin in the bathroom, I'm going back to sleep.” 

“Lou-” 

“Shh, sleep time now.” 

Harry rolls his eyes before rolling out of the bed and making his way to the bathroom. He splashes his face with water before taking two aspirin, drinking right from the tap. He does a wee before walking back to the bedroom. 

“Do I have to go?”

There's a couple seconds silence, then; “I never said that.” 

Harry grins as he jumps back into bed and curls himself around Louis’ body. 

“Lou?” 

Louis grunts in response. 

“Why do I have pony socks on?” 

Louis just smiles. 

-

When Harry wakes a couple hours later, he's in an empty bed and feeling much better. He stands and gets dressed, rising his sleep stale mouth in the bathroom before heading out to leave. He stops when he spies Louis on the back balcony smoking. 

“Hey.” 

Louis doesn't respond. 

“I gotta go. There's some people I gotta-”

“Fuck?”

Harry's heart pinches. He feels his eyes get wet.

“Yeah. Bye Lou.” 

“Wait, Harry!” 

“What?” He watches as Louis stubs his butt out and stands, marching up to him and planting a deep kiss on his lips. He pulls at Louis’ shirt, holding him close against his body as their mouths move together. 

“Come back when you're done?” Louis whispers once they part. 

Harry just nods dumbly, a little out of breath from the kiss. 

Louis smiles all crinkles and that's all Harry can think about all night. 

-

Harry's making his way home after attending to a few clients when he realises something.  _ Louis _ . He can't stop thinking about Louis. Like, in the way that Louis is the only thing getting him through this. He pictures Louis when he's with someone because just seeing that glowing, pretty boy face makes it all just that bit more bearable. He tries to imagine it's Louis’ fingers or Louis’ lips. Pretends it's Louis’ face hovering over him, that's it's Louis who's  _ in _ him.  _ God _ . He knows it's pathetic, and he would probably think it was disgusting but, Louis also doesn't know how much he's helped Harry. 

“Hey hot stuff!”

Harry blushes, grinning wide as he walks down the hall.

Louis had just dumped his trash down the shoot and had run into him as he arrived home. He studies the odd look on Harry's face, smiling at him. “What are  _ you _ thinking about?” 

Harry grins, cheeks pink. “Honestly. You.” 

“Oooh! What about me?” Louis asked, eyes wide and glowing with curiosity. “Is it my charming personality? My ridiculous good looks? Ooh! It's my lovely bum isn't it?” 

Harry laughs softly, shaking his head. “More like, I need to thank you.” 

Louis chuffs, looking confused. “Thank me? For what?” 

“Just…” Harry sighs heavily, happily. He reaches out and pulls Louis into his chest, stealing his warmth and inhaling softly. “Everything.” 

“Well, I'm liking this cuddly sweet Hazza,” Louis laughed as he dipped his nose into Harry's neck, kissing his skin. “And you're welcome Harry,” he whispered. “I'm always here.” 

-

After much whining and begging from Louis, and with the encouraging shove from Gemma, Harry gets into contact with Louise, the eldest sister, and organises lunch for the coming Sunday. 

She lives about an hour outside of London, in a cute white and yellow house with a blooming garden and picket fence. 

Louis knows Harry's nervous to see her and meet his niece so he holds Harry's hand on the drive up, squeezing it every time he hears him sigh. 

Harry knocks on the door and is greeted by Louise and a mini Louise attached to her leg. 

“Harry,” she smiled warmly, pulling him in for a long hug. “It's so good to see you.”

“Missed you Lou,” Harry breathes into her white flowy hair. 

“I'm glad you came,” she says as they part. “And you must be Louis? Gemma raved on and on about you.” 

“All good things I hope,” Louis joked as he leaned in and pecked her cheek. “It's nice to meet you.” 

“Mama,” a little voice giggled. “Don't forget me.” 

“Of course, how silly of me. Boys, this is Lux.” 

Harry smiles brightly at the little girl, crouching down to her level. “Hi Lux, I'm your Uncle Harry. I love your little buns.” 

“Thanks! Mum did them for me.” 

“She did?! She must be really good at hair huh?” Harry grins. 

“The best!” Lux tells him matter o factly before looking up at Louis. “I'm Lux!” 

“Well hello Lux,” Louis grinned, putting his hand out to shake hers. “I'm Louis.” 

“Heeey! That's like me Mum’s name.”

“Almost,” he laughs softly as she steps back beside Louise. 

“Alright doll, go wash your hands for lunch,” Lou tells her softly, watching as her daughter skips down the hall. 

“Come in come in,” she says, waving them to follow the way Lux just disappeared down. “Time for a catchup coffee I think.” 

Harry smiles at Louis as they walk into Lou’s kitchen, both sitting at her table as she boils the kettle and grabs a couple mugs. “How do you like it gents?” 

“Black, 2 sugars please,” Harry answers. “And Lou prefers tea; white, no sugar.”

Louis tries hard not to cry. 

Once they've settled with a tea in hand on the back patio, Harry and Louise get talking while Louis plays an intense game of tic tac toe with Lux. She's whooping his butt, but if anyone asks, he's letting her win. 

They eat pumpkin soup with crusty bread for lunch and spend the afternoon watching Lux pick flowers and insist on putting them in everyone's hair. She's falling asleep in Harry's lap by the time night falls. 

“You tuckered her out,” Louise smiles, going to reach for her. 

“Hey, no,” Harry whispers. “She's fine. I can take her.” 

Louise smiles, nodding to the house. “Second door on the right.” 

Harry smiles as he carefully stands, cradling Lux against his body as he takes her inside to tuck her in. 

“Is he trying to kill me?” Louis jokes, having watched the exchange with dreamy eyes. 

“He's unnatural with kids, always has been,” Lou smiles as she reaches for her glass of wine. “Use to steal Gemma’s Baby Borne and pretend to breastfeed it. Don't tell him I said that.”

Louis laughs loudly. “Your secrets safe with me.” 

“You really like him,” Lou spoke softly. 

“Uh, yeah,” Louis nodded, shrugging. “We get along. Take care of each other.” 

“But you're not dating?” 

“It's complicated.” 

“Try me.” 

Louis bit his lip, glancing at the back door for any sign of Harry. 

“Don't worry, Lux will have woken up and begged for a bedtime story. You've got a couple minutes,” she explained. 

Louis sighed, leaning on the table. “Harry's… different. He struggles with his emotions and as soon as things get hard he pushes me away. He'll kiss me and call me ‘babe’ one day and then the next he'll hardly even look at me. He's...incredibly confusing.”

Louise frowns a little, studying Louis’ face. “I don't know what Harry's told you but, we had a pretty shitty childhood,” she starts to explain. “Some of us recovered better than others.” 

Louis sighs, defeated. “What happened? Harry won't really talk about it.” 

“Long story short, we had some really crappy people take care of us. I was a little older so I could escape it I guess? Stay over at my boyfriends or work late shifts, but Harry was still a kid. He was always trying to protect Gemma, take punishments for her, do her chores. That household took a toll on all of us. We're all a little fucked up from it. And I know he's hard work, but I promise you he's worth it.” 

“I know he is,” Louis says softly. 

“Just keep chipping away at him Louis,” she advised. “He'll crack eventually.” 

“Will that be a good thing though?” 

Lou smirked. “Guess you'll have to find out.”

“You know about his job. Don't you?” Louis asked after a moment. “Gemma doesn't.” 

Lou nods. “He told a while back. Wanted someone to know in case something happened to him. I think he thinks Gemma will judge him, being his actual sister you know?” 

Louis’ stomach twisted unpleasantly. “How do you handle it? Knowing that's what he's doing.” 

“I understand what it's like to be struggling and doing everything you can to survive,” she explained. “Some people move on from it, others get stuck. They trust in their routine, they feel safe.”

“How do you break the routine?” 

“Show them something better.” 

Louis thinks he could kiss her! “You're one smart cookie Louise.” 

“I know,” she grinned, tapping her glass against Louis’ as Harry suddenly stepped back onto the patio. 

“You have a wicked child on your hands Lou! Bloody conned me into a story and a lullaby.” 

Louis laughed softly. “What'd she make you sing?” 

“‘ _ Wouldn't It Be Nice _ ’.” 

“Solid choice.” 

“Raising her pretty well if you ask me,” Lou laughed. 

Harry couldn't help but grin. “Agreed. She's brilliant.” 

-

“You're quiet,” Harry states when they're almost all the way home.

“Just thinking pet,” Louis explained.

“About me?” 

“And me. Us.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Harry you know how I feel about you right?” Louis asked seriously. 

“I know you like me.”

“Harry I more than like you. I think you are one of those most brave, strong, handsome and kindest person I've ever met. I want to date you. I want to be able to call you mine. You get that right?”

Harry's sighs quietly, biting his lip. “Louis I… I really like you too. You… you're so fucking annoying-”

“Oi!”

“-But so so beautiful and I want to kiss you basically all the time.” 

Louis laughs softly. 

“But relationships are hard. They require a lot of trust and patience, acceptance and I don't think you will be able to accept what I do for a living.”

“But I do-”

“You accept it as my friend. That's different,” Harry explained quietly. “You won't be able to take it Louis, and I could never ask you to be with me if you're uncomfortable or hurting because of something I'm doing, something I can't change.” 

“But you can change it Harry-” 

“No! I can't,” he argued. “I'm stuck Louis and I'm not dragging you down with me.” 

Louis bites his lip. He can't help the words that spill from his mouth. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” 

Harry laughs wetly. “You make it sound so simple.” 

“It doesn't have to be hard Harry.” 

“Everything is hard okay? Everything.” 

“You don't believe in happy endings?” Louis asks him. 

“Everything fails eventually," Harry replies, eyes getting wetter by the second. 

“Well maybe it’d be different with us,” Louis says, voice soft as he reaches over in search of Harry's hand.

“A maybe is not a definite Louis,” Harry mutters as he pulls his hands out of reach. 

“Then let me make it a definite," Louis whispers, suddenly gripping his hand and squeezing it so tight Harry thinks it could bruise. “Let me show you how good it could be.” 

Harry just nods in reply, a tear slipping down his left cheek as they pull into their building.

Harry decides to go home alone, kissing Louis gently and thanking him for coming. Louis’ a little sad but allows Harry some time to himself. After Louis showers and changes, mind still racing over everything he knows he won't sleep. So he watches a little television but ultimately ends up in the kitchen baking a pitiful batch of cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles. 

He doesn't really understand Harry. Every time he thinks he's getting somewhere Harry just completely shuts down, blocking Louis out. He feels a little helpless. He wants to help Harry, get him out of this situation. And before he knows it, he's catching a cab downtown to  _ Only Angel _ . 

He stops across the road to see a building painted matte black with a neon pink sign reading  _ Only Angel _ . He tucks his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and crosses the road, taking a deep breath and stepping inside the club. It's kind of beautiful, everything glowing in blue and pink lights. There's a huge crystal chandelier and a glass top bar; expensive liquors sitting on the wall behind. There's booths with hot pink leather seats and tables with poles. It doesn't look to be too busy, a few men sitting and watching a girl dance on the main stage. Maybe also the fact it's nearly 3am on a Monday. 

He walks over to the bar in need of some serious liquid courage.  

“What can I get you?” 

“Gin and tonic,” he answers.

After downing the drink and a second, he turns back to the bartender. “Is Benny here?” 

“Probably in the dressing rooms,” he answered. “Would you like me to call on him?” 

Louis just nodded. “I'll wait in that booth over there.” He thinks privacy might give him the confidence to actually talk to this guy. 

He doesn't wait long before he's hearing a voice smooth as dark chocolate speak; “Apparently I've been summoned to meet a beautiful boy. Good to see they weren't lying.”

Louis turns to face the man who's the brunt of all his problems. He wants to hit him. That might be the G&T speaking. “Benjamin?” 

“At your service,” he grinned. Charming. He took a seat opposite Louis. “And you are?” 

“Thomas.” He hopes the fake name will keep Harry safe. He can't know Louis’ come here tonight. 

“And what can I do for you Thomas?” 

“Well, I was just wondering about how this whole place works.” 

“As in owning a business?” 

“As in the services you offer,” Louis confirmed. 

Benny smirks, crossing his arms over his big chest. “You looking to work or buy son?”

“Work.” 

“Oh. You interested in becoming a dancer?” Benny asked, eyes looking over Louis’ figure. 

“Escort actually.” 

“Hmm,” the man hums, leaning back as he studies Louis carefully. “What do you want to know Thomas?” 

Louis thinks he's gotten away with it. “Well, what would some terms be?”

“Not the usual thing people ask about.” 

“I...I just want to understand before I get myself into something I maybe don't want,” he shrugged. 

He watches as realisation floods Benjamin’s face, lips pressing tight. Fuck. He's been caught. 

“Louis?”

Louis winces slightly, avoiding eye contact. 

“Harry's Louis.” Benny sighs heavily, shaking his head. “What on earth are you doing here?” 

“To be honest, I have no clue,” Louis answered truthfully.

“Is everything okay with Harry?”

“Would it matter? It's not like you care,” Louis snapped at him, glaring at the man. 

Benny looked surprisingly hurt, brows furrowing deeply. “I do care. Harry’s my best friend. I care about him more than anyone will ever understand.” 

“What happened to him? To Harry.” 

The question shocks Benny. He was ready for the boy to start throwing drinks or punches. He wasn't expecting him to be crumbling, his composer slipping. He looks so confused and small, slumped in the booth like a frightened boy he once knew. He feels sorry for him. 

“Look kid,” Benny sighed. “It's not my place to tell a story that isn't mine.” 

“You helped him.” 

“I  _ saved _ him.”

“And you think that means you own his life?” 

“It’s an ‘eye for an eye’ situation.” 

“You’re a psychopath.” 

“And you will never have Harry.” 

Louis shakes his head. He feels so stupid. He doesn't know why he came here. “I have to go,” he says quietly as he wiggles his way out the booth. 

“It’ll never work out you know! You and him.” A voice calls to his back. 

He pauses for a second before continuing towards the door, stepping out the club with a foggy brain. 

_ It’ll never work out _ . 

-

Harry wakes to pounding on his door at 5am. He grunts as he rolls over attempting to ignore the irritating noise. When it continues he hauls himself from the covers and marches down the hall, ripping the door open ready to let loose when; “Louis?!” 

Louis falls into his arms, face stained with tears and sobs leaving his throat. 

“Lou? What's wrong?” Harry asked softly, holding him tightly with a hand rubbing up his back. 

Louis just shakes his head. He doesn't want to talk about it. Doesn't know if he will ever want too. 

“Come on,” Harry instructs gently as he leads them back down the hall and into his room, lifting the covers for Louis to hop in. 

Louis hiccups as he crawl in, making grabby hands for Harry as he slides in beside him. 

“I'm here,” Harry says as he cuddles him close. “Breathe Lou, feel it in here.” His hand presses against Louis’ chest, tapping rhythmically. “In and out.” 

“I can't,” Louis cried, voice breaking.

“Louis, look at me,” Harry said, lifting Louis’ chin to meet his eyes. “Breathe with me okay? Come on. In….out….in….out. Good, good work. You're doing so well, keep going.”

When Harry finally managed to calm Louis he'd claimed he was too tired to talk about whatever had upset him, choosing to roll over and press back against Harry, falling asleep easily. But that hadn't calmed Harry, laying with a worried expression. 

When Louis stirs a few hours later, Harry had managed to drift off, sleeping quietly beside him. He sighs heavily, eyes sore and body tired as he turns over and reaches out to brush Harry’s fringe from his eyes. It spooks him and Harry’s eyes shoot awake. That makes Louis smile. 

“Oh, sorry Haz,” he said softly. “Didn't mean to scare you.” 

Harry sighed softly, turning to face Louis. “S’alright,” he spoke, voice rough with sleep. “How you feeling?” 

Louis sighs in reply, tucking his hands under his chin. “Tired.” 

Harry nodded a little. “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

Louis shook his head in reply. 

Harry rolled onto his side, his hand settling in the dip of Louis’ waist. “You're pretty.”

“Really?” Louis scoffed with a smile as he rubbed at his sleepy eyes. “Cause I feel like shit.” 

Harry leans in close, resting his forehead against Louis’. “Please tell me.”

Louis took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He doesn't want to see the betrayal on Harry's face when he tells him. “I… I met Benny.”

Silence. 

Louis can't open his eyes, paralysed with the thought of how Harry must feel. He knows it wasn't the right thing to do, but he didn't know what else to do. He can't just keep pretending like everything is okay. 

“Why?” Louis can hardly recognise Harry's voice. 

He almost whimpers. “I needed to know.”

“Know what?” Harry spits, pulling his head away quickly. 

Louis bites his lip, hiding his face in Harry's neck. “You. I needed to know about you.” 

“What the fuck Louis?” Harry questions, pushing at Louis’ chest as he detangles himself from the sheets. 

“No, no,” Louis says as he desperately reaches for Harry, sitting up on his knees as he watches the boy pace the room. “Harry, please don't be mad.” 

“Mad? Mad!” Harry laughed dryly, fingers running through his hair. “I’m fucking furious Louis. Why the- Fuck!” He shouted, fist suddenly colliding with his bedroom wall.

“Harry!” Louis gasped as he scrambled off the bed, reaching out to grip Harry’s hand. The knuckles had busted, blood oozing from the broken skin. 

“No! Don't touch me,” Harry said as he pushed Louis away again. “Don't fucking touch me. Why would you do that Louis? You had no right to do that!”

“I know, I know,” Louis spoke quietly, shrinking back towards the bed. “I just- After seeing Lou and talking to her, and then in the car we-” 

“Wait wait wait,” Harry interrupted, confused expression on his face. “You spoke to Lou about me?” 

He hesitates. “Um. Yes.” 

Harry laughs bitterly, like he can't actually believe what he's hearing. “So… First you grill my sister about me and then you literally go and meet my pimp. Really nice Tomlinson, I don't feel betrayed at all.” 

“I didn't do it to hurt you Harry.” 

“Then why?” Harry shouts, arms waving around frantically as he tries to understand. “Tell me why Louis.” 

“I'm an open book,” Louis says simply. “You're not.”

Harry's nostrils flare. “Meaning?” 

“Meaning you're so fucking frustrating Harry!” Louis shouts at him. “We’ll be getting along great but then the next minute I mention something about your past you just completely shut down. I am trying so hard to gain your trust and… and every time you shut me down I just- I just wish you could trust me,” he finishes pitifully, arms wrapped around his centre as he stares at the floor. 

Harry's demeanor softens, his heart aching at the sound of Louis’ wobbly voice. “I do trust you.”

Louis scoffs, looking up at him. “Yeah right.” 

“I do,” Harry promises, slowly making his way over to the boy. “Louis, I trust you more than anyone,” he tells him as he unfolds Louis’ arms gently. 

Louis sighs loudly. “Then why won't you talk to me?”

“Because it hurts me okay?” Harry's voice is stressed. He's just as frustrated as Louis. “I can't talk about it because it brings up too much shit and it hurts. It hurts Louis.” 

“I…” Louis watches as Harry sinks into himself. He doesn't say anything, just presses himself into Harry's chest. “I know,” he whispers. “I'm sorry.” 

Harry sighs brokenly, fighting back the urge to cry as he holds Louis tightly. 

“I shouldn't have seen Benny. I know it was wrong. I regretted it straight away.” 

“Is that why you were crying?” 

Louis nods. “I'm sorry H.” 

“I know,” Harry whispered, dropping his head into Louis’ bed hair.

They don't let go till Harry's phone buzzes. 

Benny Boo:

_Your boy swung by_ … _We should chat_ _x_

Harry ignores it in favour of letting Louis play nurse and wrap his hand up. 

_ Your _ boy. Harry doesn’t correct him. 

-

Harry’s sitting on the bus dreading seeing Benny after last night. He knows he’s gonna kick Harry’s arse for letting Louis even step foot in the club, much less actually talk to his fucking pimp. Harry kind of hopes the bus will crash. 

He steps inside and breathes deeply, heading up the stairs to Benny’s place. 

“Come in Harry,” a voice says after he knocks. 

Harry pushes the door open and bites his lip when he sees Benny sitting on the couch. 

“Hey Benny,” he says softly. 

“Sit down Baby.” 

Harry sits beside Benny, tucking his legs underneath him. 

“Care to explain why Louis was here last night?”

“Honestly, I have no fucking clue,” he answered.

“He shouldn’t have come H.” 

“I know,” he answered quietly. “I didn’t know he was. I would’ve stopped him if I did.” 

“What’d he have to say for himself?” 

“Just that he regretted coming here,” Harry said. “He just wants to understand it all I think.” 

“You know he won’t right?” Benny explained. “Harry, people don’t get our situation. They’ll never understand it, never accept it. Louis’ no different.”

“What if he is?” Harry asked, head dipped shyly. “What if he could?”

Benny sighed, reaching over to squeeze Harry’s knee. “I’m sorry Baby, but it’ll never work out.”

Harry leaves feeling even worse than when he came. Benny’s right, Louis will never accept his lifestyle. No one ever does. He’s Baby and always will be. 

-

“Heyyy,” Louis says happily, arms wrapping around Harry from behind. He inhales the smokey smell coming from his jacket. 

“Hey Lou,” he mumbles as he gets his door open. He doesn’t want to face him. Can’t look at his face right now. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. I’m just tired,” he says over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go lay down.” 

“I’ll join you-“

“No!” Harry practically shouts. “I mean- I just want to be alone.” 

“No one wants to be alone Harry,” Louis whispered, his arms circling back around Harry’s waist, lips pressed to his shoulder. 

“I do,” Harry whispers, trying desperately to avoid his voice cracking. “Please.” 

Louis nods, disappointed as he pulls himself off Harry. “Come over later?” 

Harry barely nods before he’s disappearing inside without even a glance at Louis. 

There’s a batch of burnt oatmeal raisin cookies on the counter and a very sad Louis smoking on the balcony. And as 1am rolls around, Louis’ isn’t surprised Harry didn’t show. 

-

“Sorry I didn’t swing by last night.”

Louis eyes the Krispy Kreme box and purses his lip. “You’re forgiven if there’s a custard filled one.” 

“But of course,” Harry grins, nudging the box closer to Louis who takes it with a pleased sound, hand already dipping in insearch of his favourite treat. 

By the time they get to his kitchen Louis has powdered sugar dusting his cheeks and Harry is grinning at his Sloth printed socks. “You okay?” He asked Harry as he rounds the island and places the donuts down. “Tea?”

“Yes please,” Harry answers as he sits at the table. “And I’m okay.” 

“Just okay,” Louis hums as he fills the kettle and pops it on the stove. 

“I think it’s time we talked.” 

Louis turns to face Harry slowly, watching the boy nervously twist his fingers together. “Talk?” 

“About this. Us.”

“Okay…” Louis said hesitantly. 

Harry just nods and waits. 

So Louis makes their teas and serves Harry the now stale oatmeal raisin cookies and sits opposite him, preparing himself. 

“You first,” Louis spoke, dunking a biscuit into his tea. 

“I’ve never been one to talk about my feelings,” Harry starts slowly. “I’m very good at hiding them and keeping them bottled up and I know you find that frustrating but I can’t always help it. I’ve been on my own for a long time and I’ve developed skills I guess? That help me from getting attached. But the thing is, somehow I’m attached to you.”

Louis hides his blush behind his mug. 

“I don’t really understand it; the feelings. I’ve never felt like this before. I get all giddy when I see you, like weirdness in my stomach?” 

“It’s called butterflies,” Louis smiled bashfully. “I get it too.” 

“You make me feel important Louis. You see me and I forgot how good that feels. To be needed and wanted and not in the ‘Baby’ way,” he explains, a thank you hidden in his smile. “But, in saying that, I am Baby. I’ve always been Baby. It’s who I am.”

Louis shakes his head, placing his hands over Harry’s. “No, no H, it’s not.” 

“But it  _ is _ Louis,” he explained. “I know who I am. And  _ this _ . You and me. It’ll never work out.” 

_ It’ll never work out. _

Louis squints slightly, studying Harry’s face. “You saw Benny.”

“What?” 

Louis stares him down, eyebrows furrowed deeply. “What did he say to you?” 

“Nothing.”

“This isn’t you Harry, this is someone else’s words.”

“No it’s not-“ 

“He’s manipulating you, you know? He knows everything about you, good and bad and he uses that to twist your thoughts.” 

“No, no!” Harry exclaims. “Benny is a good person. He helped me.” 

“Just because he helped you Harry, doesn’t mean you owe him your life.” 

“He makes me laugh.” 

“I make you laugh.” 

“He looks after me.” 

“I look after you.”

“He knows me.” 

“I know you.” 

Harry just shakes his head. 

“Harry,” Louis sighs. “I get that you feel like you owe him or something, but when someone is taking complete advantage of you… you need to know when to tell them to stop. He can’t keep treating you like this.” 

“No no no no,” Harry argues, shaking his head like he doesn’t want to believe. “Benny loves me. He knows what’s best for me.”

“Does he?” Louis asks quietly. “Because I don’t think forcing someone who no longer wants to be an escort into doing it isn’t what’s best for someone.”

“I-“

“-Or renting a child out for sex.” 

“Stop.”

“-Making someone do hard drugs after they’ve said no.” 

“No he-“ 

“And I certainly don’t think letting a  _ fifteen  _ year old boy be raped is what’s best for someone. Do you Harry?”

“Stop it!” Harry shouts, slamming his hands on the table. “You don’t know! You don’t know anything!”

Louis doesn’t flinch, just stares Harry down. He knows he’s triggered him, but Harry needs to see what’s happening here. “Harry… you need to understand that Benjamin doesn’t control you. No matter what he’s done for you or how he’s helped you… it gives him no rights over your life. Please Harry,” he begs suddenly. “Please just see it.” 

Harry’s eyes are trained on his lap, tears dropping onto his jeans. “See what?” 

“How strong you are.” 

Harry sighs heavily. “Gemma use to tell me that.” 

“She’s not wrong.” 

They don’t speak after that, Louis just watches as Harry cries, waiting patiently for him. 

“I owe Benny everything,” Harry mumbles after a long time. 

“You owe him nothing Harry,” Louis says back. “People help others because they want to, not because they’re expecting something in return.” 

“Like… Like how you look after me?” Harry asked. He sounds so small and Louis hates it. He may be 22 but Harry’s still 15 at heart; clueless and vulnerable.

“Yes,” Louis nodded, reaching for Harry’s hands. “Benjamin is using you Harry. He knows exactly how to manipulate you and make you feel like you’re in the wrong.”

“He does make me feel bad sometimes… Even when it was his fault.”

“See babe? Benjamin doesn’t have your best interests at heart. He only cares about himself and making his money.” 

Harry sighs heavily, shoulders sagging. “Why did he help me?” 

“Because you were an easy target Harry,” Louis explained softly. “A runaway foster kid? That’d be fucking treasure in his eyes.” 

“But he loves me. He told me so,” Harry protested weakly. He didn’t understand. Benny was his friend. Benny cared for him when no one else would. He saved Harry. 

“And that might be true,” Louis sighed. “But it still doesn’t give him the right to control you H.” 

Harry let his head fall into his hands, exhaustion taking over. “I think I’m done talking about this.” 

Louis nodded slightly, grabbing their cups to wash up. “Want to sleep here?” 

“Yeah,” Harry answered quietly as he stood up, waiting for Louis. 

Louis quickly rinsed the dishes before smiling at Harry, wrapping an arm around him as they walked to his bedroom and stripped down to their underwear. They lay facing each other, the moon peeking in through a gap in the curtain. 

Louis gently played with a stray curl, looking over Harry’s pale skin. “You’re so beautiful you know?” 

Harry smiled, pressing his face into Louis’ neck. “Not as pretty as you,” he mumbled into the skin. 

Louis shook his head, laughing. “I ain’t got nothin’ on you baby.” 

And for the first time in a long time, Harry didn’t want to wince at the name. Coming from Louis, ‘Baby’ had a whole other meaning. He thinks he could use to that; being Louis’ Baby. 

—

A week later Harry sits opposite Gemma in a cafe, swirling his hot chocolate with a spoon as she catches him up on her life. 

“...So yeah, it’s been an interesting journey, but I can’t wait to see them all made,” she finished as she butters her second scone. 

Harry hums, only half paying attention as he plays with the froth on his drink. 

“You okay H?” 

“I uh-” he coughs, glancing up at her. “I think I maybe want to talk to someone? About um, everything.” 

“Wait. Seriously?” 

Harry nods shyly. 

“Harry that’s incredible,” Gemma praised. “I’m so proud of you. I know that’s a hard thing to decide so I’m so so glad.”

Harry just nods again, hands rubbing together nervously. “I just- I want to be able to move on. I want to feel better. And be better. For myself… and Louis.” 

“Of course. Yes! God I’m so proud,” she smiled, hitting the table with excitement. “I’ll send you the number for Doctor Lang, that’s who I saw and she worked wonders,” she explained as she pulled her phone out to text him the details. “Does Louis know?” 

Harry shook his head. 

“Are you gonna tell him?” 

Harry shook his head again. 

Gemma’s elbows dropped back to the table, looking disappointed. “Why not?” 

“Because he doesn’t need to know about this shit. He’s already so invested. Plus he’s already going through stuff, he doesn’t need this on his mind too.” 

“What’s up with him?” 

“His Mum’s sick,” Harry explained. “He pretends like it’s okay but I know it’s not.” 

Gemma offers a sad look. “Send him my best wishes yeah?”

“I will.” Harry answers as his phone dings with Doctor Lang’s information. 

-

“-No no, they’re too young for that!” Harry heard Louis argue down the phone as he lets himself in. 

He smiles at Harry when he waves, sitting at the table waiting for Louis to finish. 

“Tell them I said no- Threaten I’ll come down there! They’re too young for boys Mum- Oi!“ 

Harry snorts into his hand, laughing as he dodges the banana thrown at him. 

“No it’s just Harry being a pain _ as per usual _ .” 

Harry just grins at him, peeling said banana. 

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea. Why can’t they just stay little babies? It was so much easier.” He’s pouting and Harry wants to kiss him. “Alright alright, but warn the lads if they put one finger out of place I’ll have their balls!”

Harry can hear Jay scold from here. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever, yep,” Louis continues. “Yes I will, bye Mum. Love you, bye. Bye.” He hangs up the phone and sighs. “Mum says hi.” 

Harry smiles against the banana. “Hi. How is she?” 

“Well. She’s says she’s feeling really good.” There’s still a pout. 

“Okay… then why you a sour puss?” 

“Because the twins have a school dance and they have dates and they’re wearing makeup and high heels and they’re growing up too fast and I want them to stop,” he complains. 

“Awe Socks,” Harry sympathises, patting his lap as he puts the a banana down. 

Louis lumps over, dragging his feet before plonking down on Harry with very little grace. 

“It’s just a dance. I’m sure you did the same at their age,” he says, arms wrapped around Louis’ middle. 

“I’d done _ a lot _ more than that,” Louis confessed. “Which is why I don’t want them going.” 

“They’re teenagers Lou, you won’t ever stop them.” 

“I can try!” 

Harry just smiled, pressing a kiss to Louis’ cheek. 

“Banana breathe,” Louis groans as he wipes at his cheek before letting out a huge sigh. “How was Gemma?” 

“Good. We had a nice time.” 

“Did you talk about me?”

“The entire time.” 

“Good. How it should be.” 

Harry laughs softly, kissing Louis quickly. “You’re being a shit today.” 

Louis just shrugs, tapping Harry’s cheek. “Eh, what you gonna do?” 

_ I love you _ . 

WOAH. 

Harry all but freezes on the spot, the colour draining from his face. 

“H…..?”

He can hear Louis talking but it’s muffled and he feels like he can’t breathe. “I-“ 

“Harry? You okay? You’ve gone all pale.” 

“I don’t-“ He shakes his head back and forth. “I have to go,” he says quickly, lifting Louis from his lap and heading straight for the door. 

“Wait! Harry!” Louis calls as he follows behind him, grabbing at his arm. “What’s wrong?”

Harry just shakes him off and stalks down the hall to the elevator. “Nothing. I gotta work.” 

“Oh,” Louis speaks, his movements stopping. “Okay. Be safe.” 

Harry jabs his finger onto the  _ down _ button before stepping inside, never turning to face Louis. 

What _the_ _fuck_ just happened? 

Love?  _ LOVE _ ? He doesn’t  _ love _ Louis. Harry doesn’t even know what love is! He just had a moment of weakness, that’s all. Louis just looked really nice with natural floppy hair and a black tracksuit and rainbow socks. Harry was just feeling emotional from his talk with Gemma. That’s all. He doesn’t love Louis! 

“I love Louis.” 

Okay...maybe he does. 

He breathes into the chilled night air. His breath turns foggy as he pants, panicked and confused. “I...I love him.” 

No one can hear him and he's so thankful for that. His heart hammers, his stomach churning as his mind accepts what his heart is feeling. He loves someone. Harry's never  _ love _ loved someone. Except maybe Benjamin. But even looking back on that now Harry knows it was just puppy love; maybe at fifteen it felt like love, but as he starts to understand these feelings, he can definitely see the difference. He loves Louis and that scares him to the bone. 

He runs to the club, feet crunching against the snowy footpath and lungs burning with frosty air as he sprints the ten blocks. He's seeing spots by the time he bursts through the curtains, looking frantically for Benjamin. 

“Ben,” he puffs out, holding his beating chest as he pushes through the patrons in search of the man. 

“Harry?” He hears a voice speak. It's not Benny, he  _ needs _ Benjamin. “Harry!”

“Benny.” The room is spinning and his legs feel like jelly, he feels like he can't breathe. He clings to a waitress for dear life before everything turns blurry and fades black.  

-

“He's fucking freezing, get him another blanket!”

“I'll make him a tea!”

“Jesus Harry.”

He stirs to panicked voices, coughing a little to warm his throat as his eyes blink open. “Where m’I?” 

“Mine,” he hears Benny speak. 

Benjamin. He was looking for him!

“Benny I-”

“Shh Harry,” he instructed, pushing at Harry's chest as he tried to sit up. “Lay back, calm down. You gave us a right fright.”

Harry frowns. “What happened?” 

“You collapsed man,” Liam chimes in as he places another blanket over Harry.

Only then does he realise he's shaking. 

“Scared the crap out of our guests,” Benny scolded as he tucked Harry in. 

“Sorry,” Harry says shyly. “I just needed to see you.” 

“What about Baby?” 

Harry eyes Liam wearily, wanting privacy. He shakes his head.

“Liam,” Benny says. “Give us a minute.” 

Liam nods, handing over the steaming cup of tea before leaving. 

Benny helps Harry sit up, passing him the tea before sitting in front of him on the coffee table. 

Harry takes a few warming sips before sighing. “I like Louis.” He doesn't see Benny’s reaction, eyes focused on his drink, but he can feel an intense stare.

“He really likes you too you know?”

Harry isn't expecting that answer. “Yeah.” 

“You don’t seem too happy about it.”

“Can I be honest?” Harry asked, placing his tea down. “And not to my pimp, but to my best friend?” 

Benny nodded. 

“I… I think I love him. Like  _ really _ love him. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. The way I feel around him… I don’t- I’m so fucking terrified Benny. I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

“When it comes to love, no one does, everyone is fucking clueless,” Benny explained. “Look Harry I know you really like him, and by the looks he really  _ really _ likes you. But you can’t bring him into this shit. You know no one will ever understand it, or accept it. You’re best just staying single, let me take care of you.” It's that same persuasive tone he always uses, but Harry doesn't believe it this time round. Something's changed. 

“Maybe I need to start making that decision myself Ben.” 

Harry's changed. 

“Baby-” 

“No.”

It's the first time Harry has ever said that to Benjamin, and it feels  _ so damn good.  _

“No! No, I want a boyfriend. I want someone to go home to and wish goodnight. Someone to kiss good morning and talk nonsense with. I… I don’t want to be alone anymore Benny,” he told him. “This… this was good for me when I was fifteen, but… I won’t do it anymore.”

A sharp laugh makes him jump a little. The sudden grip on his shoulders makes him jump worse. 

He winces slightly as thumbs dig into the dips of his collarbones. “Ben?”

“You listen to me you little twit!” Intense brown eyes are burning into his, warm breath washing over his face as he's shaken a little. “I own you. You hear me? I fucking own you!”

“Ben-!” The slap across his cheeks stings worse than frozen lungs. 

“Shut up! You won't see that boy again, you understand me?! He doesn't love you! No one loves you Baby, you're just a good fuck and that's all.”

Harry cries out as a fist collides with his eye, then his nose. He cried out again, begging the man. “Ben! Please!” His blood runs cold when he feels the barrel of a gun pressed to his temple. 

“Listen very closely to me Harry,” Benjamin says calmly, voice low. “You are to go home, dump that pathetic excuse for a ‘boyfriend’, pack a bag and come live here for a bit till your head is back in the game. Do you understand me? You’ll tell him you don’t want to see him ever again and you’ll leave, just like he’ll leave you. Break him before he breaks you.”

Harry whole body shakes with tremors, his eyes filled with tears as he stares up at Benny. His only thought;  _ pull the trigger _ .  

“Now you get the fuck out of here!” Benjamin yells as he grabs Harry by his collar and yanks him up, throwing him out the door. 

Harry falls to the floor, clutching his face as blood pours from his nose. He cries loudly, tears blurring his vision as he pushes himself to stand and head downstairs. He shoves through the crowd and back out into the freezing air, shaking violently as he calls the one person he now knows will make it better. 

“Socks,” he cried desperately, chest heaving as he sucks in breathes. “Help me.” 

Louis meets him not shortly after, jumping from the still moving cab, arms already reaching for Harry. “Harry? Harry what happened?” 

“Home!” Harry cries, the front of his shirt stained with blood. “Take me home!”

Louis wraps his arms around the trembling boy and gets him into the cab. “Crank the heat,” he says to the driver as he pulls Harry's seatbelt on. 

Harry continues to cry, tears and snot and blood a wet mess on his face as he weeps. 

Louis just squeezes his hands and promises everything will be okay. 

Harry just wishes he could tell him it wouldn't be. 

Louis gets them home in no time, walking Harry straight to his shower where he helps him strip off before stepping under the hot spray. Harry’s chilled to the bone and Louis’ first mission is to get him warm. He washes Harry gently, rinsing away his blood and tears. Harry seems to be on autopilot, staring into space as he lets Louis take care of him. Louis dries Harry off and gets him into a thick sweater and some track pants and tucked in his bed before he fetches the medicine kit. 

He's on the phone to his Mum when he walks back into the bedroom. “-Not that I can see,” he speaks quietly, looking at Harry. “Okay, okay. No the bleeding has mostly stopped. Tip his head back? Okay, yep. I will, thanks Ma. Bye.”

Harry doesn't speak as Louis settles beside him. 

“Harry, I'm just going to check your eye okay?” He said gently, reaching out.

Harry flinches back, shoulders shaking and eyes wild. He curls further into himself, avoiding eye contact. 

“It's okay H,” Louis hushes him, trying again.

When Harry flinches again, whimpering softly Louis knows something isn't right. 

“Harry? Look at me babe,” he talks quietly, gently. 

Harry just shakes harder, his arms wrapping around himself.

Louis bites his lip as he stands slowly, not wanting to scare Harry. He quickly walks to the bathroom and digs through Harry's pant pocket for his phone; ringing the only person he can think will be able to help. Gemma. 

She bursts through his front door 20 minutes later to find Harry with his head between his knees and Louis watching anxiously from the doorway. 

“What happened?” 

“I don't know,” Louis explained as she walked into the room. “I picked him up from the club and he was bleeding and shaken. And now he won't let me near him.” 

“Harry,” Gemma spoke gently, approaching him slowly. “It's Gemma.”

“Gems?” Harry mumbled, head lifting slightly to peek up at her. 

“Yeah it's me, I'm here,” she said, holding her hand out. She waited patiently for him to reach out before taking it. “What's going on Harry?” 

“He hit me,” Harry whimpers quietly, hand clinging to Gemma’s. 

“Who did?”

“Phil.”

“No love, no Phil isn’t here anymore,” Gemma said softly. 

“Not… not Phil,” Harry agreed. “It…- Benny,” Harry cries harder, shoulders shaking with the force of it. 

“Who's Benny?” 

Harry just sniffles loudly, voice caught in his throat. 

Louis knows Harry will hate him for this, but he doesn't have a choice. Harry’s health is more important than a dumb secret. 

“His pimp,” Louis explains to her. “Harry's an escort.”

Gemma hardly reacts; probably suspected something over the years. “Well you're safe now okay? He's can't hurt you here.” 

“He’ll find me!” Harry says desperately. “He'll find me and he’ll hurt me.”

“I won't let that happen,” Louis promises him, the anger starting to bubble inside him. “He lays one finger on you and I'll-” 

“Louis, could you leave us alone a second?” Gemma asks kindly, looking over her shoulder at the boy.

Louis wants to argue, tell her to get stuffed and just cuddle Harry up but honestly, he feels fucking clueless right now. He's never seen Harry like this before and he has no idea what to do. So he nods curtly and steps out, heading for the living room. 

She emerges from the bedroom an hour later, looking both relieved and worried. She flops beside Louis and lets out a sigh.

“He's okay. Fell asleep.” 

Louis just stares at her, a deep frown etched into his brows. 

“Don't stress Louis, he's going to be fine.”

“Gemma,” Louis says seriously. “Who’s Phil?”

“He was our foster father,” Gemma explained. 

“And he hit Harry?”

“He hit all of us.”

“Oh. I-“

“He never told you did he?” The look on Louis’ face is answer enough. “Louis, we were abused as kids.”

Louis feels his heart drop, a sick feeling settling in his stomach. “But...but what does that have to do with tonight? What wrong with him?” 

“From my experience and own diagnosis… Harry has PTSD.”

Louis shook his head, confused. “What?” 

“I think tonight’s drama triggered something in Harry's brain and he snapped. That's why he only seemed to want me. You weren't around when we were kids, he needed someone familiar to feel safe.” 

Louis shook his head, fists clenching beside him.

“Don't blame yourself Lou,” she said softly, reaching out to rub his back. “Harry has a lot of shit he deals with.” 

“I didn't… I didn't know how to help,” Louis admitted. “I  _ don't _ know how to help.” 

“You can't,” she explained. “I mean, to an extent yes but, he needs professional help Louis.”

“Can you talk to him about it?” 

“Actually, we already spoke about. He wants to get help.” 

“He does?” Relief seems to wash over Louis, a proud feeling oozing from his body.  

Gemma smiled at him, nodding. “He wants help, for you.” 

“For  _ me _ ?”

“He'll kill me from his but,” Gemma smirked. “He's pretty crazy about you Louis. He wants to get better so you two can get better. He wants to be with you.” 

Louis thinks his face might split with how hard he's smiling, cheeks heated and pink. 

“Alright alright, don't get a big head now,” Gemma said, knocking their shoulders. “He's still my little brother. And if you hurt him I'll have your balls.”

Louis believes every word. 

-

Louis asked Gemma to stay the night, just incase Harry didn't wake as himself. She bunks in with him while Louis lay restless on the couch, staring at the ceiling with Collin keeping his feet warm. 

He'd always figured something had happened to Harry as a kid; but child abuse to the extent of causing PTSD? That he'd never thought about. He had no idea how to help Harry, not even his Mum could help with this one. He reaches into the draw of the coffee table and pulls out his laptop, logging in quickly. He spends an hour going through potential therapists that could help; reading their credentials and experience. He's tossing up between a Dr. Lang and Dr. Russel when Harry appears in the doorway, it's just past 3am and he looks exhausted, his hair a mess and face bruised. 

“Hey,” he speaks quietly, voice thick. 

“Hi,” Louis responds, closing the laptop screen. “You okay?”

Harry barely nods as he slumps over to Louis and plops down beside him, scratching Collin’s head. He's radiating heat, the jumper he's wearing looking more cuddly than ever. 

“Do you-?”

“I'm sorry-”

They speak at the same time, both smiling as they look at each other. 

“You go,” Harry says, waving for Louis to continue. 

“I was going to say do you want a pain med? Mum said it'd help.”

“You told your Mum?”

“Yeah?” Louis frowns. “Harry you were in the room when I was talking to her.” 

“Hm.”

“Babe… do you remember what happened?” 

“Yeah.”

Louis sighs in relief. 

“A client roughed me up, you helped me like always.”

“Um.” Louis placed the laptop away, sitting up to face Harry with a serious look. “Harry… Benny roughed you up.”

The boy gives a soft laugh. “What? No he didn't.” 

“Yes he did H,” Louis said gently. “Benny hit you.” 

Harry shakes his head, back and forth till he's dizzy. Flashes of the night before start to play over in his head; the shouting, the slap, the threats. “He…” Harry’s body shakes.

“It’s okay Harry,” Louis reassured him. “He won’t hurt you again. I’ll make sure of that.”

“No...no,” Harry says. “You don’t understand. You don’t understand!”

“You’re safe here Harry-“ 

“No!” He shouts, Collin spooking and running for cover. “I’m not! He’ll come for me. He knows where we live.”

“He’ll have to get through me first-”

“He has a gun Louis!”

“What?”

Harry whole chins wobbles, looking away. “He...he held a gun to my head.”

Louis stares at Harry, the room is dead silent as he watches Harry try to pull himself together. 

“He beat me then held a gun to my head and all I could think…” Harry gives a wet, scary laugh. “All I wanted was for him to pull the trigger.”

Louis closes his eyes at the words, his heart dropping. He’s so fucking glad he didn’t. He’s so fucking glad Harry is still alive. 

“I want to die Louis. I...I want all of this shit to be over.” His confession seems to bring Harry relief; like he’s wanted to say this for a while. 

“I-“

“We live such different lives Louis... This was never going to work. I don’t know why I ever thought it would.”

“Harry-“ 

“I fucking hate himself,” Harry confesses with another laugh, eyes manic. “I hate myself so much I wanted to fucking die. I thought it would be better if I was just dead.”

Louis shakes his head. “It wouldn’t be. I need you here Harry.”

“I’m not worth it Louis.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” he says, patting the space beside him. 

They move around until Harry is pressed between Louis and the back of the couch, limbs tangled and faces inches from each other. 

“You really have no clue,” Louis says quietly. “You are so important to me Harry. I get up in the morning and the first thing I think of is you; whether I’ll see you that day and what mood you’ll be in, if you’re free or have to work. I sit up all night waiting for you just to know you’re safe and made it home okay. No matter what I’m doing I’m thinking of you Harry.  _ You  _ are worth it.  _ You  _ are important. _ I see you _ . And you may hate yourself right now, but that’s okay because I can love you enough for the both of us.” 

Harry stares at Louis, chest tight and heart pounding against it. “You-?”

“Yep. I love you,” Louis repeats like it’s not a big deal. “And you don’t have to say it back or ever if that’s what you want, but just know… I love you Harry Styles. And you deserve that.” 

Harry doesn’t speak, just stares at Louis till his eyes burn. Then he’s pressing his face into the other boys neck and crying. 

Louis just wraps his arms around him tighter, holding his shaking shoulders. “I love you.”

Harry just wishes he could accept it, but he can’t. He cries harder. 

After exhaustion knocks them out they sleep peacefully for a few hours before the mid morning sun wakes Harry. He squints around the room, his eyes feeling sore and his head heavy. He turns to look at Louis still sleeping beside him and his heart aches. 

He slides from the couch with one final kiss to Louis' forehead, shushing Collin when he meows as he shuffles into the kitchen and grabs a pen from the draws. He swallows a sob as he scribbles over the paper, holding himself together just long enough to slip out Louis' front door one last time.

“You leaving?” There’s a hand between the doorway, stopping him from leaving completely. 

Harry looks at Gemma through the gap and nods shyly. “I don’t deserve him Gems.”

“Why don’t you let Louis decide what he deserves?”

Harry looks over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the couch the boy lay on. “I can’t.” He starts to step away for the final time. 

“This’ll break him you know?” She says after him. “You can’t take this back Harry.” 

He pauses, stopping for a just a seconds before he continues down the hall. “He’ll be okay,” he lies to himself.

So Louis wakes to no Harry and Gemma sitting on the coffee table, note in hand.

_ You may think it, but I don't deserve your love Louis. I don't deserve a lot of things. And I certainly don't deserve you. Please don't try to find me, I need to stop this before it hurts us both.  _

_ \- H _

Louis drops the paper as he scrambles to his front door. He yanks it open, hearing it slam into the wall as he approaches Harry's flat. He pounds on that ugly blue door until his fists goes numb and his throat burns from calling Harry's name. 

“He’s not there Louis,” Gemma says sadly. “I’m so sorry.”

He's gone. Harry's gone. And Louis can't breathe, falling to the floor with a soft cry. 

-

Louis doesn't leave his bed for 12 hours straight. Doesn't leave his house for 32. Doesn't leave Niall's till he's piss drunk and the boy's threatening to call his mother if he doesn't pull his fucking head in. 

He has a shit few days in all honesty. He hardly eats unless it's from some form of packet, smokes the hours away while he waits; waits for anything, any sign to say Harry is alive and okay and maybe coming back. 

He ends up at Zayn's five days later. They share a joint Zayn rolled and listen to crappy rap music while they wallow in Louis' pity. Louis doesn't even perk up when Zayn attempts to give him a blowjob to cheer him up.

"M'not in the mood."

"I can see that," Zayn laughs as he looks at Louis' limp dick, poking it with his finger. "Soft."

"Zayn!" Louis scolds though he doesn't really care. "Please stop playing with my dick and help me."

Zayn just keeps laughing as he tucks Louis back into his sweats. "Didn't you say he works in a club or something?"

"Yeah, but he wouldn’t go back there. Not after Benjamin hit him."

Zayn looks at him likes he's dumb. “Louis, his whole fucking life is dedicated to the guy. Of course he’d go back.” 

Louis is suddenly shooting up from the bed. "I’m dumb and I love you!" He tells the man as he smacks a kiss to Zayn's lips and runs out the room. He hears a " _ you're welcome! _ " as he bursts out Zayn's front door and heads for the bus stop. 

He jumps off the bus at Stop 55, jogging across the road and stepping into the club **.** Louis looks around the joint, keeping his head low as he searches for dimples. He hears the rattle of glasses behind him and spots a familiar face. "Liam?"

"Yeah?" The boy asks as he turns to look at Louis. "Louis? Oh, hi! What...what are you doing here?"

"Where is he?"

"Erm-"

"Tell me where he is Liam."

"He really doesn't want to see you-"

"Tell me!" Louis shouts, slamming his fist on the bar. He regrets it instantly; the glass top is fucking hard.  

"Li... you alright?"

Louis turns to see a bouncer standing there, tall and broad and so muscly Louis thinks he could probably crush him with his thumb alone. 

"I'm fine Mick, I can handle it."

Louis waits for the bouncer to walk away before looking at Liam again. "Please. Please Liam, I just need to know he's okay." He'd be lying if he said his eyes weren't the size of Mars right now. 

Liam lets out a sigh before nodding his head left. "Up the stairs at the back there. Door at the end of the hall. I don't know if he's left yet."

Louis doesn't ask for what, just heads straight for the stairs as quick as he can. He stops outside the door, chewing his lip. "Please be here," he whispers as he pushes the door open. He steps into a little dressing room, clothes racks placed randomly around the room and a small couch tucked in the corner. Louis guesses that's where Harry has been sleeping the past few days. He spots Harry, hunched over as he sorts through some clothes, his back facing Louis. It's the first time he's seen him and all Louis can think is how sore Harry’s back must be from that couch. He cares so hard for him it hurts. 

"Harry."

"I told you not to find me Socks." It's the first thing Louis hears him say in over a week and it hurts  _ so _ good. 

"I know," Louis answers as he stares at the back of Harry's head. His hair is getting long, strands flopping in all directions. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm okay," Harry tells him. "You can go now."

"Really? That's all you're going to give me?" Louis scoffs. "After everything, you want us over, just like that?"

"There is no us Louis!" Harry snaps, finally turning around to face him. Harry ignores how his heart aches to touch Louis,  _ kiss _ Louis. Everything is just  _ LouisLouisLouis _ . 

"Oh really?" Louis challenges back. "So you're telling me that you don't care for me? That I was wasting my time spending it with you, kissing you,  _ being _ with you. That every time I let you cry into my shoulder and patched you up after a bad night, that was all pointless? None of it mattered to you."

"Nope" He's lying and they both know it.

"Bullshit!" Louis shouts so loud Harry flinches. "Look at me. Look me in the fucking eyes and tell me that. Tell me that not one second of our time together mattered to you."

Harry doesn't speak.

"Fucking tell me Harry! C'mon, tell me I don't matter to you."

"I have to go-"

"No!" Louis yells again, rage bubbling inside of him as he whacks a water bottle on the table beside him across the room. Harry flinches again. "You're staying here, and we're talking about this."

"I can't," Harry tells him, shrinking into himself. 

"Yes you can, and you will."

Harry sighs, pressing his palms into his eyes. "Fine! I care for you, is that what you want to hear? That I am so fucking grateful you've been around the past couple months!? That I can't imagine living my life without you in it now? Huh? Is that enough for you? Fuck!" Harry shouts, dragging stressed hands through his hair and over his face. 

"Was that so hard?" 

"For someone like me, yeah, it was," Harry tells him. "Louis, I can't do relationships. I can't allow myself to lo- like you."

"Be my boyfriend." He always makes it sound so easy. He could just say okay and they could live happily ever after. But Harry knows the truth, Happy Ever Afters are for Fairy Tales, they're fantasy, and this is reality; it's brutal and it's honest and it kills him.

"That isn't fair," Harry tells him. "You know I can't be that. Those...those things never work out for me. Not in this lifetime."

“What if they could?” Louis says, voice soft again as he moves towards Harry slowly. He sees Louis' hands appear, sees them reaching for his own. “What if they can and you're just too scared to find out? Just come home Harry.”

Harry doesn’t have a home. He never has. He drags his head up, looks into Louis' eyes. They're wet and he hates himself for making Louis cry. "I’m Baby okay? And I always will be," he speaks with such disappointment in himself, as he pulls away from the smaller man. "Now, please, I have to go."

Louis thinks he's about to blow. "No, you're not going. You're not leaving."

Harry does blow. "What do you want to know Louis? Huh? That I'm incapable of loving someone? That I haven't been in love ever!"

"A lot of people haven't-"

"That my brain is so fucked up I don't understand emotions or relationships or any of that crap!"

"Then let me help you-"

"I had a really shitty childhood Louis-"

"So did I."

"Yeah, well, at least you had a Ma."

Louis paused, watching as Harry starts to crack, chin wobbling as he turns away. "I don't...- Harry?"

"Is that what you want to hear? That I don't have a Mum? That I'm a fucking orphan!? You don't wanna hear that! No one wants to hear that Louis!"

"I...I didn't know-"

"You don't wanna hear that! You don't wanna hear I was a fucking foster child! That I got cigarettes put out on me as a kid and got beat so bad I had to stop going to school! That my scars aren't from surgery, that I was fucking stabbed! Or that I listened to my sister get r-!”  He swallows so hard. Then whimpers. Louis’ heart breaks. “That I listened to them  _ all _ . You don't want to hear that shit Louis.”

"I do want too! I do wanna hear it cause I want to help you-"

"Help me? Help me!? What the fuck! What do I got, a fucking sign on my back that says, 'SAVE ME'!?" 

"No! No! I just...- I just want to be with you!"

"Don't! Don't bullshit me!"

"I love you!" Louis screams, tears tracking down his cheeks. "Can't you see that?"

Everything falls silent. 

"I love you," Louis repeats, voice trembling as he cries. “Please, just come home.”

“This is home for me Louis,” he tells him. 

“No, no it’s not,” Louis tries to make him understand. “I love you.”

Harry stares at him, eyes wide, chest heaving.

"I want to hear you say that you don't love me. Because if you say that... I'm gone. And I won't call you. I won't see you. I won't be in your life anymore," Louis explains quietly, hands curling around Harry's neck as he brushes his lips against Harry's chin, letting out gaspy sobs. 

Harry pulls away, pushing Louis' hands from his skin. "I don't love you."

And the bubble breaks. Louis feels so dizzy and breathless as his heart finally shatters in two. He's speechless as he watches Harry walk away, leave his life for good. And when he's gone, Louis is sliding to the floor, chest tight and sobs wracking through his body. He won't recover from this. 

\--

He doesn’t see Harry for two months. He takes as many shifts at his new job as he can, he’s only a busboy but it helps to distract him. He keeps to himself, does his work before heading home or to Niall’s or Zayn’s to watch shitty tv. He prays every time he leaves that he won’t run into Harry. 

His throat always feels tight when he looks at that ugly blue door, heart thumping loudly as he rushes to get back inside. Sometimes he feels like he can’t breath his heart hurts so bad. He’d never really realised how much he depended on Harry until he was now gone. Louis just hopes the amount of chocolate and wine he’s consuming will fix his heart. 

Harry on the other hand is doing just as terribly. He’s taken on extra clients to keep himself busy and keep him away from home for longer because he swears if he saw Louis he’d dropped to his knees and beg for forgiveness. So to avoid making matters worse, he spends most nights at the club, sleeping on a two seater couch which hurts his back but it’s nothing compared to his heart. 

When Benny tells him how miserable he looks, Harry just does a line of coke and a shot, pepping himself up, lying to himself that he’s okay. 

—

It’s coming up also three months Harry free when Louis hears the words that he knows will destroy his already damaged world; “Lou… Mum’s not doing very well.”

He’s half a bottle of wine deep into a Project Runaway binge when Lottie’s name starts flashing on his phone screen. He answers quickly, listening carefully before he’s flying out of his flat in nothing but pyjama pants and a t-shirt, he was lucky to even pull on a pair of shoes before racing to the garage to get in his car. He texts Niall to take care of Collin before he’s flying out onto the street. 

He breaks a few speeding laws as he makes his dash home, begging under his breathe; “please don’t take her, please don’t take her.” 

He rips into a park at the hospital and runs through the light snowfall and into the building, already on the phone to Lottie asking where she is. His shoes are soaked through and hair a mess as he rounds the corner to see Lottie and Dan talking with a Doctor outside a room.  _ Her _ room. He doesn’t want to be back here. 

“Lou,” His sister says softly, eyes puffy and red as she wraps her arms around him. She looks distraught. They both do and Louis hates that he hasn’t been here. 

“Where is everyone?” He asks when she pulls away, stuffing his hands into his pant pockets. 

“At home. It was too late to bring em’ here,” Dan explained as he hugged Louis. “They’ll come by in the morning.”

Louis nodded slightly, glancing at the room. “And...and Mum? Is she okay?”

Dan’s face says it all. 

“Oh god.” Louis feels the remainder of his heart crumble. 

“She’s awake. Go see her,” Lottie says with a loud sniffle. 

He counts his steps as he walks in, distracting himself from the tears he can feel forming. He knows what she’ll look like and he doesn’t think he can handle it right now; keeps his gaze averted to his soggy vans. 

“Boo.” 

He bites the inside of his cheek, his mind screaming  _ no no no!  _ but he looks up and his world breaks all over again.

-

They get just over a week with her. A week of singing and playing cards. A week of signing forms and hopeless Doctor chats. A week of hoping and praying for a miracle. A week of tears and laughter. One week. That’s all they got. 

Louis’ there when it happens, holding her hand as she rests Wednesday afternoon. The machine flat lines and so does Louis’ life. The others come back from the cafeteria to find Louis pressed along her side, crying loudly as he holds her hands, begging for her to stay. 

Dan takes the young ones away, tears running down his cheeks. Lottie tries to pull Louis off but he fights her, screaming as he holds his mother tighter. He’s in complete hysterics and no one can calm him. 

-

When they come for her, Louis can barely stand it. He leaves the room, ignores his name being called as he walks out into the snow. He doesn't think, just calls the one person he thinks can numb his heart ache, even for just a second. 

"Thought you weren't going to call me?"

"Harry-" His voice cracks and Louis doesn't know how much longer he can hold it in.

Harry was drowning his sorrows with tequila shots when he received his call. He almost didn’t pick up but his heart aches to hear Louis’ voice just once more. He forgets everything the second he hears his boy. He forgets their fight and their breakup. He can't focus on anything but Louis' pained voice. "Louis? Hello? Lou? Louis is everything okay?"

"I-"

"Socks?"

There's a loud wail and then, "My Mum died." And reality hits Louis like nothing he's ever felt, every second worse than the last. He sobs so hard he can't breathe, sucking air in desperately as he cries down the phone. 

Harry can't speak; doesn't know what to say. He just sits and listens to Louis cry, watching the people around him still living; clinking glasses and dancing and laughing. They're all oblivious to the world that's crashing down around Harry, around Louis. It's all falling apart and no one has a clue. 

"Louis I-" He still has no words, just presses the phone harder to his ear as he listens to Louis try to explain through his cries.

"Harry? What's up mate?" Liam asks over the counter. 

He just shakes his head as Louis hangs up. "Louis' Mum died."

-

Dan takes care of the funeral because Louis just can’t. He can’t do anything but lay on the couch staring into space. It feels wrong. Everything is just wrong. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Her medication should have worked. Him and Harry should have worked. This wasn’t what was meant to happen. It’s all just so wrong. 

-

The morning of her funeral Louis pulls an old black suit from his closet and lays it out on the bed. He helps the twins get dressed, cleans the living room and even makes finger sandwiches for the wake. He feels numb. He doesn’t even feel like he can cry anymore. Honestly, he just wants Harry. He needs his best friend. He needs someone to hold him and tell him it’s okay. He aches for Harry.

Lou:

_ Funerals on Friday @ 2:30. I'd like for you to come x _

He stares at the text. He’d sent it Tuesday morning and still hadn’t gotten a reply. He understands Harry’s not normal, he gets that but,  _ fuck _ . To hear nothing from him; no text, no call, no flowers, no nothing? It hurts Louis more than anyone will ever know. He needs someone. He  _ needs _ someone. And Harry can’t even be that person, not for one second. He hurts. 

Swallowing thickly he pulls his suit on and ties his tie, quiet tears staining the white shirt beneath. He checks his phone again for any sign of Harry coming, but there’s nothing. He shouldn’t be surprised but he is. He grabs his jacket, checks his reflection once more before he heads downstairs to gather the others. 

This is it. It’s real. It’s happening. Louis wants to disappear. 

-

Lou:

_ Funerals on Friday @ 2:30. I'd like for you to come x _

Harry looks at the clock; 1:52pm. He closes the text with a sigh, throwing his phone onto the couch beside him before sinking back, rubbing at his eyes. 

Lou:

_ 2:10 - Missed Call _

_ Lou: _

_ 2:16 - Missed Call _

_ Lou: _

_ 2:17 - New Message _

_ Lou: _

_ 2:24 - Missed Call _

Louis stands staring at the casket, chin tucked into his scarf as tears leak freely from his eyes. He can hear someone speaking, but it's muffled, his only focus is the rain as it falls. His Mum hated the rain. 

"Louis." He only hears his name the third time it's called. "Would you like to speak now son?"

He takes one last look at the people gathered, searches for green eyes and broad shoulders. When he doesn't spot them, he nods, pulling his eulogy from his suit pocket.

-

Harry:

_ Sorry I couldn’t make it Socks x _

Louis stares at the message till it goes blurry, a wave of emotions taking over him. He’s hiding in his closet, tie ripped loose and shoes kicked off. There’s a wake going on downstairs but Louis can’t be involved. He was barely keeping himself together before he’d received that message and now sobs take over his body as he sits between his coats, chest tight and breaths short as he cries. He feels light headed he’s crying so hard, so loud he knows someone will hear but he can’t bring himself to care. His fucking Mum is gone. And he can’t get her back. He just wants one more minute, one more minute to hold her, to hear her tell him “everything’s gonna to be okay Boo”. He’d give anything for  _ one more minute _ . 

He deletes the message. He’s never going home.

-

Harry has been waiting for two weeks for Louis to return home. He hasn't heard from him since his Mother's funeral, assumes he'd been staying at home with his family. Harry feels completely horrible, gut churning every time he thinks about it. He should have been there. Why he couldn't just swallow his pride and shitty fears and just go makes him so frustrated. He really misses Louis and he needs him, maybe more than Louis needs him now. Maybe not. Really, he just wants Louis home and back with him.

When he hears footsteps around 4 o'clock on a Saturday, he jumps to his feet and rushes to his door, peeking out the view hole. His heart instantly speeds up when he spies Louis, hunched over in a hoodie as he fiddles for his keys. He grins as he opens his door, leaning against the door jam causally.

"Hey you," he says softly, grinning at the boy.

Louis glances over his shoulder. "Oh," he says, seeming to debate with himself before turning around. "Hey."

"Hi."

Louis tucks his hands into his jean pockets, looking up at Harry with squinted eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here."

"Right."

Strange. Usually that would earn Harry an eye roll. “Hey look I’d love too."

"Love to what?"

"Grab some food. Maybe see a movie."

"Harry-"

"C’mon, is that not what you just said?-"

"Harry."

“Cause I swear I just heard you-“

“Harry.” 

“We can-”

“ _ Harry _ .”

Harry looks at Louis, face slightly guilty as he stops talking. 

"...You weren't there for me."

"I know-"

"Do you though?" Louis asks him, voice calm. "Cause I don't think you do Harry. You haven't a fucking clue."

"Lou," Harry frowned. "Is...Is something wrong?"

"Yeah," He scoffs softly. "Yeah my Mum died."

"No...I-I know, I-"

Louis just stops Harry with a hand, fighting the wobble of his chin. "You weren't there for me," he repeats. "I needed you and you couldn't get over yourself for five seconds to be there for a friend. I know you struggle with emotions and shit but fuck Harry...- My Mum fucking died and I needed you!"

Harry just stares at Louis, listening intently, lips pressed tight. 

"I fucking needed my best friend or boyfriend or whatever the fuck you are! I needed you there and you just... you just-! I hate you. I hate you so much," he spits in frustration, tugging at his messy fringe as his eyes fill with ushered tears. 

Harry's heart stops as he reaches for the boy crumbling in front of him. "Lou-"

"No! No!" Louis shouts as he pushed Harry's hands away. “You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to touch me anymore, expecting that’ll make everything okay. Because it won’t Harry!”

“Louis, please just- I know how much you must be hurting-”

"No you don’t. You don't know cause you weren't there! You haven't been here Harry. You have no fucking clue what I've gone through."

"I should've been there-"

Louis scoffs, voice rough. "Yeah, you should have."

"Let me make it up to you," Harry promises him. "I have wine and-"

Louis just laughs dryly, shaking his head. "No. I'm done Harry."

"Done with what?"

"This," Louis tells him, gesturing between the pair. "I'm done with all of it. I can't do this again. You weren't there for me when I needed you Harry.”

“Let me-.” 

“You know that's all a relationship is right? Being there for each other. You failed me Harry. I don't want to see you anymore."

"Socks-"

"NO!" Louis shouts loudly, voice finally breaking as tears slip from his eyes. "You don't get to call me that anymore."

Harry flinches at his words. "Louis, please," he begs. 

"You've had so many chances Harry," Louis tells him, shaking his head as he turns to step inside.

Harry stops him with a hand on the door, looking down at him desperately. "You said you'd always be here."

Louis looks up at Harry with wet cheeks. “Not for this. I deserve so much better than this. Goodbye Harry."

Harry stands there for a long time after the door slips shut. 

-

Harry’s sitting on a couch. He’s drunk, very drunk and there’s a stranger in his lap. But what’s new these days? Harry cries quietly as the man moves against him, his bounces rough, skin sweaty. It all feels so wrong. The man doesn’t dip in at the waist and he doesn’t smell like melons and there’s no funny socks on his feet. Harry cries harder, grunting lowly as he barely cums inside the stranger, resting his head back against the couch. He feels numb. He feels worthless. He has nothing to live for anymore. 

“You want some?” 

He watches as the man unravels a small pack, a needle, a lighter and aluminium foil tucked inside. Harry knows it’s heroine but doesn’t say anything. He just sits as the man shoots up, needle head pressing between his toes. “C’mon, it’ll make you feel better.” 

Harry shakes his head. 

“Just try it, promise it won’t let you down.” 

“I said no,” Harry snaps, pushing the man away to grab his clothes from the floor. 

“Didn’t take Baby for a pussy.” 

Harry’s shoulders tense at the words. “Don’t call me that.” 

“What? Pussy or Baby?” 

“Either,” Harry warned him as he pulled his pants and jeans back on. 

“But that’s you. You’re Baby,” he said, voice slurring a little. 

“I’m Baby,” Harry repeats, stumbling a little as he pulled his boots on, brain foggy and dizzy. He pulled his shirt on and grabbed his cash from the coffee table, slipping out the door. 

_ That’s you. You’re Baby.  _

Harry cries the entire walk home, body numb to the snow falling around him. He use to think snow was magic, now it just reminds him of the little pieces of himself he destroys every night. 

Baby. 

He stumbles down the hallway to his flat, searching for his key in his… jacket. No jacket. “Fuck,” he says, leaning his head against his door. “Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!” He doesn’t realise he’s been hitting his head against the wood till a hand settles on his shoulder. 

_ Baby _ .

“Harry, stop!”

His head is pounding, blood rushing through his ears at the sound of that voice.  _ His _ voice. 

“You’ll bust your bloody head open!” 

Harry laughs softly, a rare noise these days. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing.” 

He hears Louis sigh. He can’t bear to look at him, not after everything he’s done. 

“M’locked out,” he says, tongue heavy. “Forgot my jacket. Keys in the jacket. Have you seen my jacket? Louis, I lost my jacket.” 

“Alright, alright shh Harry,” Louis speaks softly, pulling at Harry’s shoulders and leading him back into his flat. He manages to get Harry to the couch with minimal trouble. 

“M’dizzy,” he says pitifully as he lays himself on top of all the cushions. 

“I bet,” Louis said as he pulled Harys boots off for him. He can smell the alcohol on Harry’s breath, on his body. “Let me get you some water.” 

Louis leaves to the kitchen and fetches a glass of water for his neighbour. He’d been laying wide awake in bed when he’d heard Harry’s meltdown. He watched the boy through his peephole, debating with himself whether or not to approach him. When he’d heard Harry’s head colliding with the door, he knew he needed to. 

“Collin!” He hears shouted from the living room. He walks back in to see his cat standing on Harry’s chest and the boy grinning happily, hands cupping his cats face. “I missed you!” 

“Col get down,” Louis says as he moves to sit on the coffee table, shooing his pet. 

Collin jumps off Harry quickly, dashing out the room. Harry isn’t impressed. “Why’d you do that?” He pouts deeply, looking at Louis. 

“Drink,” Louis orders as he holds out the water. 

Harry sits up and sips at the drink, both hands wrapped around the glass. 

Louis’ eyes take a moment to flick over the boy. He looks tired, his skin colourless and eyes shallow. He looks so devastatingly perfect it almost kills Louis. 

“Thanks Lou,” Harry mumbles as he hold the glass back out. 

Louis takes it from him without a word, placing it on the table beside him. 

“You look sad.” 

Louis wants to laugh. He avoids eye contact, looking at his bitten nail beds. “Yeah.” 

“Because of me?” 

“Because of everything Harry,” Louis corrects. 

Harry goes quiet and Louis can’t bring himself to look up. 

“I’m sorry.” 

It pierces Louis’ heart like an arrow. He shakes his head, eyes welling with tears. “Don’t.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

Louis looks up through wet eyelashes, taking the quickest peek at Harry. But when their eyes meet, he can’t look away. Harry’s are glassy and red, but they look so sincere and honest and he’s so close to pouring his heart out when-

The sound of vomit hitting his floor breaks the moment. 

-

Harry sleeps deeply while Louis cleans up his floor. After vomiting Harry was quick to drift off, eyes dropping heavily as he mutters apologises and tries to help. Louis had just pushed him back against the couch and told him to sleep before leaving to get some supplies. He chucks the soiled paper towel into the bin and switches off the light, leaving Harry alone as he heads for his bedroom. 

He lays awake, staring the ceiling. This is his usual routine. He struggles to sleep after everything that’s happened, mostly because he dreams of her. And him. He dreams his Mum is cooking a Sunday roast and Harry is right beside him at the table, messing around with one of the twins. He dreams of typical boy chats with her, gushing about how happy he with Harry, about their future together. And then he dreams of Harry’s touch, wakes up with his skin burning and his heart aching. Yeah, he avoids sleep for as long as he can. 

-

In the early morning Louis wakes to a weight climbing into his bed, pressing against his back. His skin prickles with warmth as he allows himself to melt back into Harry’s body. He’s just been so alone, he allows himself this just once more. He falls back asleep almost instantly; no dreams in sight. 

-

When he wakes a few hours later, the bed is empty but warmth still lingers amongst the sheets. Louis sits up and wipes at his eyes, sighing softly as the sun streaming through the windows hits his back. He presses his feet to the floor, listening to any sound of Harry. There’s nothing. 

Louis grabs a new set of clothes and makes his way to the bathroom. He pushes the door open and stops. On his bathroom floor is a very sad looking Harry, curled around the base of the toilet, his shoulders are shaking and his eyes closed but Louis doesn’t think he’s asleep. 

“Harry,” he says softly, closing the door behind him. “You know you’re on the floor right.”

“Yes,” Harry answers after a moment, eyes flicking open. “I’m aware.” 

“Alright, just checking,” Louis replies as he pulls his clothes off and steps into the shower. He turns the water right up, filling the bathroom with steam. He doesn’t even jump when Harry opens the curtain and steps in himself. 

“Lou-”

“Don’t talk,” Louis says quietly as he turns to face him, soap suds covering his body. 

Harry barely nods, waiting patiently to get under the spray. 

Louis rinses himself before stepping aside to let Harry in. He watches the water run down his pale skin, washing away the night before. He reaches for his body wash and helps to lather up Harry’s back, thumbs pressing into the tense muscle. 

Harry grunts lowly, pressing his forehead against the shower wall. “Hurts.”

“Maybe because you slept on my bathroom floor last night.” 

“I wasn’t there all night.” 

“I know,” Louis replied, fingers moving against the knot between Harry’s shoulder blades. “I felt you sneaking in my bed.” 

“Oh. Sorry I… I got cold. Sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” he says quietly, hands sliding around Harry’s thin waist. “I was cold too.” 

Harry nods, biting his lip before he decides to face the boy who makes his heart ache. Louis looks so small, so unsure. He’s in so much pain and Harry just wants to wrap his arms around him to dull it, even for just a second. So, he does. He pulls Louis in close, arms wrapping around the boys shoulders, pressing their skin together. He sighs heavily when Louis presses back against him, tucking his head under Harry’s chin, fingers gripping his hips. 

“Louis I’m-“

“Don’t talk,” Louis says again, hands moving to clutch his back. “Please.”

Harry just holds Louis closer, pulling at his thighs. 

Louis hoists himself up, wrapping his legs around Harry’s hips as he presses their lips together, hands grappling at his back. 

Harry presses Louis back against the cool tile, enjoying the hiss against his lips as it touches Louis’ skin. “Lou-“

“I said no talking,” Louis tells him again, placing a hand over Harry’s mouth. “Just… please,” he begs, eyes boring into Harry’s. 

So, Harry presses two fingers into his mouth before he slowly pushes them into Louis’ body. His muscles strain as he struggles to hold Louis up and open him at the same time. He clenches his jaw as focuses on the weight of Louis and how unbearably hot he feels. 

“H-“ Louis puffs out against his temple. 

Harry just nods. He doesn’t speak a word as he pulls his fingers from Louis and replaces them with his cock. 

Louis whimpers against his skin, nails biting into Harry’s back. He moans out softly amongst the steam as Harry fucks him into the wall. He doesn’t know when he starts to cry, but he’s glad the shower water washes it away before Harry can notice. 

Harry notices but he doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to right his wrong. He’s trying to do as he’s told and stay silent and just give Louis what he needs right now, even if it doesn’t feel right. He fucks into Louis over and over, savouring the noises that fall from his neighbours mouth. He knows he won’t have a chance like this again, he’s fucked up too bad this time. It’s over. 

They come together, Louis panting into Harry’s mouth as they kiss messily, movements sloppy from exhaustion. Harry slowly lets Louis back down to the ground, tucking his fringe behind his ear. 

Louis blinks up at him before folding himself into Harry’s chest. 

Harry just presses his lips together and holds him. Holds him till the water runs cold and their fingers resemble prunes. And he holds him for an hour after that. Harry thinks if this is all he could do for the rest of his life. If he could only hold Louis till he dies. He’d die happy. 

-

Reality hits Harry in the face once they step out of that bathroom. Louis dresses without even a glance at Harry, leaving him alone amongst the steam. 

He finds Louis sitting out his window sill, the cold air licking at his body as he moves closer to him. “Louis-“

“I think you should go,” Louis cuts him off, voice as cold and quiet as the snow falling.  

Harry wants to reach for him, shake him until he understand how sorry Harry is. Until he understands how he’s killing Harry with every second he doesn’t look at him, doesn’t talk to him, doesn’t care for him. But, instead, he just collects his things and leaves the flat quietly, eyes wet and heart ripped from his chest. 

-

The next time Harry sees Louis, he’s walking down the hallway coming home as Harry is leaving. He only offers a polite nod before disappearing behind his door. Harry tries to swallow the pang in his chest down as he heads out for the night.

-

A week later, he hears Louis’ laugh echoing outside his door. It hits his chest and spread warmth through his body. He’s missed that noise more than anything. Harry quickly rises from the couch and peeks out the peephole to see Louis crowded against his own door, giggling wildly with a man wrapped around his front. He looks like he’s kissing Louis’ neck roughly and Harry wants to tell him how he needs to respect Louis, take his time to savour the boy, but they stumble into the flat before Harry gets a chance. Harry tries to imagine they’re doing anything  _ but _ what he knows they’re doing. 

-

It takes two weeks of trying to move on in all the wrong ways, that Louis decides he needs to move. No amount of alcohol, cigarettes and random hook ups can heal his heart, as much as he tries to convince himself it will. He needs to leave. He needs to get as far away from this place as possible. He needs to stop seeing Harry in the hallway or walking down the street. He can’t look at his bruised skin or sad eyes again. Louis needs to leave and that’s final. 

He enlists Niall’s help on a Wednesday night, music blasting as they rip tape with their teeth and attempt to fit all of Louis’ things into mismatched boxes. He kisses a photograph of his Mum before wrapping it up in bubble wrap and placing it with the other pictures from his walls. 

The stop to eat sandwiches and drink beer, sitting on Louis’ now empty living room floor. Louis looks around the room as he chews, memories flashing through his mind. He loved this flat, has since the day he moved in. He already misses it. 

After their break, they pack his kitchenware and random knick knacks before calling it a night. Niall passes out on his couch and Louis retreats to his bedroom. Not being able to sleep, Louis starts to sort through his clothes, deciding to donate some of his old stuff. He shuffling through his final draw when he comes across it. 

The damn lilac jumper. 

He can’t help himself when he presses it to his nose and inhaled deeply. It smells of his clothes softener, any lingers of Harry faded away. Louis won’t admit to himself he’s disappointed. He remembers how soft it looked on Harry, the purple shade so delicate around his body. He wishes he could go back to that night. 

He pulls it on before continuing to sort through his things. It’s going to be a long night. 

-

Sometime in the early morning Louis wakes amongst piles of clothes. He’d fallen asleep curled up on the mess, the jumper still wrapped around him. He fingers and toes were frozen from lack of blanket and he shivers as he quickly shuffles around to pull on some socks and hop into bed. 

An hour later he wakes to Niall crawling in bedside him, muttering about how cold it is. Louis had just smiled, welcoming Niall’s body heat.

-

That afternoon when everything is mostly packed and the movers have been organised, Louis dusts off the jumper and folds it neatly before stepping across the hall to knock on Harry’s door. 

He’s surprised when he answers. He thought Harry worked Thursdays. 

“Hey.”

“Hey Lou,” Harry replies, smiling softly at him. 

“I… I was cleaning some stuff out and I found this,” he started to explain, extending the jumper out towards his neighbour. “You um, you left it at mine after my party.” 

“Hm,” Harry hums, slight amusement in his tone. “Actually, if I recall correctly, I took it off and then you insisted on wearing it because…- What were your exact words…? Oh yeah, ‘ _ It’ll make my eyes more fuckable _ ’.”

Louis flushed pink, looking down at the garment. “I don’t recall that,” he lied. 

Harry fought back a grin. “I still don’t know what you meant by that, but you certainly looked great in purple.” 

Louis’ ears burn. “Thanks.” 

“Anytime.” 

“Anyway um, here’s your jumper, thank you for letting me borrow it,” Louis said as he shook it to get Harry’s attention. 

Harry reached for it, fingers brushing Louis’ as he grabbed it. “Cheers for returning it. It is one of my favourites after all.” 

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realise,” Louis said. “I would’ve brought it back sooner-“

“Lou, it’s fine,” Harry told him gently. “Looks better on you than me anyway.” 

Louis meets Harry eyes and smirked. “Hardly. No competition here Styles.” 

Harry laughed softly, holding the jumper against his chest. “Louis I-“

“How’ve you-“ They speak at the same time. 

“You go,” Harry laughed, nodding for Louis to continue. 

Louis giggled softly, shaking his head. “I… I was just going to ask how you’ve been?”

“Oh, yeah erm, I’ve been good,” Harry told him. “Just working a lot you know. Keeping busy.” 

Louis nods a little, giving a small smile. “Good good.” 

“And you? How are you doing?” Harry asks him back. 

Louis thinks he’s just trying to be polite. “Yeah, yeah I’ve been alright,” he nodded. “Keeping busy like you said. I um, I’m actually-“ 

“Lou! The movers are on the phone!“ Niall’s voice streams out his front door and into their space. And Louis panics. Niall comes into view, holding his phone in one hand and a beer in the other. “Oh. Shit, sorry. I’ll um, I’ll get them to call back.” 

Louis just nods at him, making eyes over his shoulder.  

Niall is quick to close Louis’ front door, giving the pair privacy. 

“Movers?” Harry asked him, giving a weird chuckle. “What do you need movers for?” 

Louis turns back to Harry and tries not to feel guilty but he does. Harry is his best friend and he knows nothing anymore. He doesn’t know anything that’s happening in Louis’ life and that hurts him. Harry must be able to read Louis like a book because; “You’re leaving?” is the next thing to slip from his mouth. 

“I- Yes.” 

"When?"

Louis bites his lip. "Movers are coming Saturday morning.” 

"When were you going to tell me you were moving?" Harry scoffs suddenly, crossing his arms. 

Louis watches the jumper get crushed. He’s never wanted to be an inanimate object more. "I don't know. It’s… it’s not really any of your business."

“None of my-?!” Harry stopped himself, running a hand through his hair. "Louis you can’t... you can't move."

"Why not Harry?" Louis asked.

“Because- Because you just can’t!”

“Why Harry?” Louis repeated, staring up at his neighbour. "Give me one good reason why I should stay."

Harry shrugged, eyes avoiding Louis'. 

“Look I… I can't be here anymore Harry,” Louis explained to him. “I can’t keep reliving us over and over again. It hurts so much that I can’t breathe sometimes okay? It hurts me to see you. It hurts me just being here now. This place is ruined for me. I need to go home. I need to heal. And I can’t do that here. I- I can’t see you anymore. I hope you can understand that.”  

“No Louis-“ 

“Don’t try to change my mind,” Louis begs him, voice suddenly thick. “It’s already made up.”

“But I-“

“I have to finish packing-“ he says as he turns back to his door. 

“Please just-“

“Bye Harry.” 

"I love you."

The world seems to stop. Louis’ hand frozen on his door handle, Harry’s hand frozen on his shoulder, and the jumper frozen on the hallway floor. 

"That's...that's why you should stay."

“What?” 

“I know you heard me.” 

“No I—“ Louis blinks a few times, his brain still processing those words. He doesn’t know why, but anger bubbles to the surface and he turns to face Harry with fists clenched. “So..." he starts, voice shaking. "You think you can just say that and I'll drop everything for you?"

"No, Louis, of course not-"

"Why would you say that to me?" His voice breaks and Harry just wants to make all his pain go away. "Why would you say that!" Louis shouts, but all of sudden he's falling into Harry's chest, banging at his chest weakly with his fists. "You can't just tell me that!" He cries, tears spilling onto his cheeks. 

Harry wraps his arms around him, feels his own eyes prickle as Louis weakly protests. 

"I hate you so much," Louis whispers, pressing his face against Harry’s sternum. 

"I love you," Harry just repeats as a tear slips from his eyes. 

"Shut up," Louis begs weakly, arms sliding around Harry's neck. 

"But it's true," Harry says quietly. "I love you so much Socks."

Louis whimpers softly, finally meeting Harry's eyes. He shakes his head, giving a weak laugh, "I love you too."

And then they're kissing. Kissing so hard but so gentle it knocks the wind out of both of them. 

"I love you," Louis breathes as they part, Harry's arms still wrapped tightly around him. "And that’s what makes this all the more hard."

"What?"

“I have to go Harry,” Louis tells him again, and Harry doesn’t think he can take this anymore. One more word and he won’t be able to repair the damage. “You have to let me go.”

“But I don’t want too,” Harry tells him, a tear falling down his cheek. 

Louis reaches out to catch it on his thumb, smiling sadly. “If you love me, you’ll let me go.”

“Then I don’t love you.”

Louis just laughed softly, leaning up to kiss him again. “I love you.”

“I’ll miss you,” Harry told him. “I… it won’t be easy for me. It  _ hasn’t _ been easy for me.”

“And you think it has been for me?” Louis scoffed, smiling. “Love’s not worth it if there isn't a little struggle Harry.”

Harry sighs heavily against his forehead, kissing the skin there.

“I better call those movers back,” Louis speaks softly, pulling away from Harry. “Come say bye on Saturday?”

“Yes, of course,” Harry told him, nodding. “Of course. I’ll be there.” 

Louis gave him one final smile before he stepped back inside his flat. 

Harry took a moment, just standing there in that hall, the first place they ever met. He never thought in a million years that that meeting would have lead to this. This ridiculous, raw love you only see in movies. Harry can’t say he’s mad about it. Louis might be moving, but he’s not getting rid of Harry that easily. He turns on his foot, scoops up his jumper and heads inside. 

-

It’s Saturday and Harry finds himself standing on the curb with the boy he loves. It still feels weird that he can admit that but it also feels right, and looking at Louis right now, standing in the most obnoxious pair of neon green socks ever owned, Harry knows his love for Louis was inevitable. He’s one of those great people who you could just sit and admire. Harry could literally watch the boy for hours and never get bored. Harry hopes he can do that one day. 

“I have a parting present,” Harry says when the final box is being loaded. He holds out a present wrapped in Christmas paper, a small red bow on it. “Wrapped it myself.”

“You know it’s not Christmas right,” Louis laughs as takes it from Harry, excitement in his eyes. 

“It’s the only wrapping I had—Just, don’t be a dick.” 

Louis just laughs as he goes to rip it open.

“Wait!” Harry yells, stopping his twitchy fingers. “Don’t...don’t open it until your on the road.”

Louis smirked up at Harry. “I thought we were done with Mysterious Harry?” He teased lightly. 

“For the most part,” Harry winked, grinning cheekily. “Just promise me okay?”

“Only if you promise me something in return,” Louis challenges him. 

Harry nods, eyes sincere. “Anything.” 

Louis smiles before quickly placing the present in the van. He steps back towards Harry and reaches out for his hands, sighing softly when Harry’s seal around his own. “Promise me you’ll try to get better.” Louis eyes are practically begging, big and blue and still so hopeful.

Harry nods slightly, pressing his lips together. “Gemma’s going to help me. She found me Doctor and everything.”

Louis nods seriously, squeezing Harry’s hands tightly. “Tell me you understand that this is  _ my _ decision. I’m not moving away because of you Harry. I love you, and I don’t blame you for anything. Tell me you get that?”

Harry bites his lip a little. “I’m-“ 

“I need you to stop beating yourself up okay? It’s not your fault. Nothing that happened to you, to Gemma—“

Harry inhales sharply. 

“—to your family and to me, it’s not your fault okay?”

Harry’s eyes are wet and his hands shake as he falls into Louis, a sob ripping itself from his throat. 

“I love you,” Louis tells him, holding Harry with every fibre of his body. “You’re good Harry, you’re so good.”

Harry just cries harder, a weight on his shoulders lifting at Louis’ words. 

Louis squeezes Harry in his arms, holding so tight he may actually bruise him. “Alright alright, enough mushy stuff,” he says gently, pulling back to wipe Harry’s cheeks. “I want to see that smile when I leave, not tears.”

Harry chuckles weakly, wiping at his eyes. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be pet,” Louis smiles, cupping Harry’s cheek. “I’ll see you soon okay?”

Harry nods, albeit miserably. “Yeah.”

Louis leans up to kiss him one final time. They must look mental, Harry still in his pyjamas barely holding back tears and Louis in mismatched clothes and soggy shoes as snowflakes fall and make homes on their eyelashes. Harry knows his lips are chapped and Louis’ cold nose presses against his dimple as he kisses Harry deeper, his hands gripping his face desperately. It’s the most perfect kiss Harry has ever had. 

Louis steps back after a few long seconds, offering one more of those smiles he reserves just for Harry before stepping into the van. 

Harry holds his hand for as long as he can, stretching out until their grip breaks. “I’ll come for you,” he promises, voice hardly heard over the morning traffic. “I’ll come for you Socks.”

Louis blows him a kiss in reply before he shuts the door and the engine rumbles to life. He reaches out to touch the frosted glass and draws a heart in the mist, pointing to Harry. 

Harry fights back tears as the van starts to roll away. He hardly notices when his feet start to move and he’s suddenly jogging beside to truck, holding onto that image of Louis for just a second longer. “I love you!” He shouts into the air, racing alongside the vehicle. Tears fall from his eyes when he sees Louis mouth it back, pressing his hand to the glass. Harry reaches out for him, feet beating along the pavement and heart pounding in his chest. “Don’t go!” He screams. “Please!” But then the van is turning the corner and taking off, the blur of Louis waving burned into his mind. “No!” He shouts as he comes to a halt, looking awfully pathetic on the snow covered curb. His lungs burn and his tears are endless as he watches the van disappear into the horizon. He can’t do this.

Louis had almost changed his mind when Harry had started running alongside him. The need to jump from the van and back into Harry’s arms was so intense it made his eyes burn with tears. “I love you,” He whispered back as he watched Harry dodge pedestrians to keep up. The boy looks like a mad man, but he was Louis’ mad man. And with one final wave, that mad man was gone and a tear was shed for him. 

By the time Louis pulls himself together they are well and truly on the road. He checks on Collon, who’s sitting in a cat carrier between his feet, before he reaches for Harry’s gift beside him. He smiles at the bow, running his fingers along the smooth paper. He gently lifts the tabs of tape and peels away to wrapping to reveal; 

“Oh Harry,” he breathes softly as he shakes out that god forsaken lilac jumper. He grinning like an idiot, and he knows he must look mental to the driver when he presses it to his nose. It smells intoxicatingly like Harry and Louis  _ knows _ he’s had to have been wearing it for him, just so it would smell of him when he gave it to Louis, and that makes Louis’ heart melt. He sniffles quietly as he pulls his phone out and takes a quick picture of it, sending it to Harry. 

Socks:

_ Driver thinks I’m nuts, crying over a purple jumper _

_ Thank you _

_ See you soon.  _

Harry stares at the messages and smiles watery, lips wobbling. Maybe he can do this.

-

“So yeah it’s small, but it’s close to the girls so I can’t complain,” Louis tellsHarry, phone pressed to his ear. He’s been telling Harry about the little cottage he’s moved into back home. He tells Harry how it’s covered in honeysuckle and peonies and Harry can almost smell the sweet air through the phone. 

“Sounds lovely Lou,” Harry tells him, changing positions in bed. 

“And Niall drove my car down yesterday, so now I’m actually able to grocery shop and not have to deal with buses and bags and shit.”

Harry laughs softly. “You’re certainly living the dream.” 

The line is quiet for a moment. And Harry clings to the silence. 

“Are you mad at me for leaving?” Louis asks quietly. 

Look, Harry knows he doesn’t sound excited and he really couldn’t care less about Louis’ new house but he’s definitely not mad, just alone. But that’s nothing he can’t handle. 

“No! No Lou, no,” he promises him. “It’s just weird not having you here.”

“I know right,” Louis agrees with him. “It’s so quiet here. Didn’t realise how use to London noise I was. Think it use to sooth me to sleep.”

Harry chuckles softly, looking at the time. It’s half twelve and Harry’s knackered. “I hate to go, but I’m going to wipe out.”

“Wait,” Louis says, voice a little desperate. “Can you just…- Can we stay on till we fall asleep.”

Harry’s heart could honestly burst. “Yeah, yeah Lou, we can do that.” He hears Louis sigh softly, the sound of rustling covers come through the speaker. 

“Okay,” Louis finally says. “Goodnight H.”

“Goodnight Socks,” Harry says softly, leaving his phone on speaker beside him as he closes his eyes. 

Within minutes the pair is fast asleep, each other’s snores mingling together. 

-

It’s been a week and a half since Louis has left, and Harry’s just finished his first session with Dr Lang. He meets Gemma in the waiting area and books another appointment for two weeks time before the head to her car. Harry doesn’t say much and Gemma doesn’t ask. 

It’s hard for Harry to talk about what happened; what’s still happening. But Dr Lang seems incredibly patient and kind, her eyes showing now shock or judgement when he answers her questions. He feels a sense of relief when he leaves, his shoulders less tense and brain less cluttered. He feels a bit silly for not doing this earlier.

“I’m so proud of you Harry,” Gemma tells him as the pull up outside his building. “Louis would be so proud of you.”

Harry smiles at his lap, fingers ringing together. 

“Have you talked to him?”

Harry shakes his eyes, glancing at her. “Few calls and texts here and there.”

Gemma nods, face a little glum. “Just give him time yeah? If it’s meant to be-“

“It’ll be,” Harry finished with a nod, opening the door. “Thank you for taking me.”

“Of course, I’ll see you next week?” 

Harry nods, leaning over to kiss her cheek before stepping out. “Bye dork.”

“Bye loser!” Gemma grins before driving off. 

Harry smiles the entire trip to his door.

-

H:

_ I saw Dr Lang today. I think it went well? She’s really nice _

Socks:

_ YES HARRY I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!  _

_ Did Gemma go with you? _

H:

_ Yeah, we had coffee before. I like seeing her more often. Didn’t realise how much I missed her. _

Socks:

_ Good, I’m glad. I’m sure she loves seeing you more too. _

_ Oh Harry I’m so happy for you. That’s so great!  _

H:

_ Thanks. _

_ I miss you x _

Socks:

_ I miss you too. Xx _

_ Been wearing this most days… _

Harry stares at the selfie. Louis looks good, well rested and golden as he holds a cup of tea. He’s wearing their purple jumper and Harry can’t help but press his fingers to the photo, smile goofy and so in love. 

Socks:

_ Stop staring at me _

Harry can almost feel Louis’ cheeky grin.

-

Harry’s next two visits with Dr Lang go okay. He fights his emotions and tries his best to process and understand what she explains to him, the techniques she shows him. He’s trying, he really is. But session four hits a nerve and he’s triggered into a three day bender.

It’s a dark blur of alcohol and sex and drugs and more sex and even more alcohol. For three days he’s completely out of it; his time spent begging Benny for more more  _ more _ . Benny gives in but he monitors Harry and takes care of him like he’s always done. He loses his phone and his house key again, and crashes on Benny’s couch whenever he has a spare second. When he’s coming down he still feels the same, ego bruised and heart shattered. It never helps, no mattered how much he tries to convince himself. 

“What happened Baby?” 

Harry winces at the name, shaking his head. “Don’t wanna talk about it,” he mumbles, taking the glass of water Benjamin offers him. 

“You went hard this time.”

Harry just shrugs. 

“I love you Harry, but make sure you remember you limits yeah? Need you in peek form for clients.”

“Have I ever let you down Benny?” Harry asks him, batting his eyelashes. 

“Alright Princess, drink that and get out of here,” Benny laughs, knocking Harry’s shoulder gently.

Harry feels dirty. He desperately needs a shower and about three days worth of sleep. 

“Also, you phone and keys are in the fruit bowl,” Benny tells him. 

“Legend,” Harry grins as he downs the water, kisses Benjamin’s cheeks and grabs his stuff. He’s out the door and onto a bus within minutes. He jumps off outside his building and drags himself up to his flat. When the elevator doors ping open, Harry finds himself frozen in the hallway. There’s boxers and people and furniture, and they’re moving to and from Louis’ flat. 

“No,” he breathes, feet carrying him down the hall. “No, no.”

That’s Louis’ place. This can’t be happening. He watches as they move in, walking around like it wasn’t just owned by a boy he loves. There’s people moving into  _ his _ space, splashing  _ his _ walls with different memories and tainting the air with their own smell. Harry can’t bare to watch it happen. And he knows he’s being rude and he’s shouting but he pushes past the couple without a hello and gets into his flat, slamming the door. “No! That’s  _ his _ place!” He screams as he throws his couch cushions around, fist colliding with his living room wall twice. How dare they just move in! It’s Louis’ place, no one else’s. How dare Louis just leave him! How fucking dare he just leave Harry to his own head! How dare he make Harry fall in love with him! How dare Benjamin for treating him like rubbish! How fucking dare anyone treat Harry the way they did and completely fuck up his life! He’s kicking off his boots and his jacket and he’s raging, eyes burning and blood boiling as he busts out his front door and storms down the hall. He’s breathing heavily by the time he reaches the roof, still screaming unintelligible nonsense as he jumps onto the edge of the building and looks over. His chest aches and his vision is blurry as he wiggles his toes against the winter air. “Louis!” he cries against the sky. 

“I’m right here.”

Harry lets out a sob, tears staining his shirt as he hears Louis’ voice in the wind. It whips against his ears and cause his hair to rustle. “Come back,” he begs, shoulders slumping as he stares at the street below. 

“Harry.”

“Stop! Just stop it!” Harry screams, hands reaching up to cover his ears, eyes squeezing shut. “Fucking stop!”

“H?”

Harry frowns deeply, shaking his head. “No no, no.”

“Harry,” the voice says again. “I really need you to step away from that ledge pet.”

Harry’s confused now because that’s not the wind… that’s Louis. “Louis?”

“I’m here Harry, turn around please,” Louis speaks carefully, eyes burning into Harry’s back. “Harry turn around and look at me babe.”

Harry’s pants heavy as his looks over his shoulder to see Louis standing there. He looks scared, eyes wide and full of terror as he watches Harry. Harry doesn’t understand why, he’s on the roof. This is a usual place for the pair. But then car horns break through his thoughts and he suddenly realised he’s standing on the edge of a fucking building. He gives a shout of shock and steps back quickly, stumbling into Louis’ waiting arms. 

“You're okay, you’re okay” Louis speaks into his shoulder, hand stroking through his hair. “I got you, you’re okay.”

Harry sobs into Louis’ necks, his skin ice cold and body shivering. “Thank you,” he cries. “Thank you.”

Louis leads them a few more steps away from the edge, keeping Harry close. 

“How- How did you know?” Harry cries, words broken and breathy. 

“You haven’t answered for phone for three days H,” Louis told him, but his voice was gentle, no scolding to hear. “I could just tell something wasn’t right.”

Harry nods, sniffing loudly. “Thank you,” he repeats. 

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked gently. 

Harry shakes his head, pulling back to look down at Louis. “Please… please don’t leave me again.” 

Louis feels his heart break in two. “I won’t,” he promises. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Harry exhales shakily, hands gripping Louis’ arms. “I… I don’t want to die,” he confesses. His eyes are puffy and cheeks pink.

“I know,” Louis tells him. “I know you don’t. It’s okay.” 

“I just need it all to stop,” Harry explains to Louis, reaching up to tap at his temple. “It’s just so loud up here.” 

Louis moves to grip Harry’s hands, kissing them gently. “It’s okay, we’ll fix it. I’ll fix it okay?”

Harry’s nods as he reaches for Louis again. He finds peace in the daisy printed socks peeking out from Louis’ sneakers. 

“Come on baby, we need to get you into some warm clothes.” 

Harry clings to him like his life depends on it. Honestly, it kinda does. 

-

Louis stays with Harry for the next few days. He didn’t pack for the extended sleepover, so he pinches Harry clothes to be hygienic of course, not because he’s addicted to the way Harry’s eyes light up when he sees Louis wearing them. Okay, maybe that is why. They also smell good, sue him. But Louis pays Harry back by bathing him and feeding him and showering him with so much affection he may just sporne into a teddy bear. He does everything he can to help Harry feel safe and loved. He’s kicking himself for not realising sooner how his departure would have affected Harry. He’d only thought about his own feelings, and that was selfish, but Louis does have to take care of himself as well. He just didn’t realise how rouge it would send Harry. So he’s happy to keep showing the boy love with as many cuddles and kisses as he can. 

“I think I want you to come to Dr Lang with me,” Harry whispers as their pressed chest to back in bed. 

Louis squeezes his arm tight around Harry’s middle, pressing a kiss to the hair at the name of his neck. “Yeah?” 

“I… I want you to know what happened to me,” he explains nervously. “Why I’m so fucked up.” 

“I don’t think you’re fucked up H,” Louis tells him, sitting up to make eye contact with Harry. “I just think you’re a little lost and broken, and that’s not your fault.” 

“It’s not?” 

“No pet, it’s not.” 

-

When they attend Harry’s next session, he confesses to his bender and his near suicide attempt. They talk about what triggered Harry so badly in his last session and caused his behaviour, and Louis learns some more details about Harry’s life that make him feel sick. 

Harry was not only physically abused in that household, but sexually as well. He recounts that Phil was his abuser, and Mac, the foster mother, covering up any suspicions from outsiders. He says it’s hard to remember sometimes because he’s pushed it all so far down, detached himself from those memories, that it almost seems like it wasn’t him. He doesn’t see himself as that Harry. Dr Lang explains that as a coping technique. 

Louis sits there with his foot twitching on the floor, stomach in knots as he bites at his thumb nail as he listens. He can’t quite comprehend how this Harry,  _ his _ Harry, was so badly treated. Or how these bastards were never caught or punished. He thinks of Lou and Gemma and how they experienced the same thing. How Gemma suffers with PTSD and how guilty Lou feels about leaving them. He can only imagine how the others have suffered. These so called ‘parents’ can burn in hell as far as Louis is concerned. 

At the end, Dr Lang explains again that Harry shouldn’t mix alcohol with his medication and Louis looks at him confused. Harry won’t meet his eyes however, as he promised not to go off the rails again and thanks her for the session. They walk out and Louis waits patiently as Harry books another session and walks them to Louis’ car. 

They’re half way home when Harry finally breaks. “I’m bipolar,” he says quietly. “With a touch of depression. I have to take meds for it.” 

“And have you been?” Louis asks him. 

Harry bites his lip. “Yeah.” 

“Harry?” Louis asks, his tone serious. 

“No.” 

“Okay,” Louis nods. “Well starting today you’re taking them. And I will be making sure you do everyday.” 

Harry sighs heavily, looking out the window. “I don’t wanna be doped up.” 

“Baby,” Louis starts gently. And it hurts Harry so good to hear Louis calling him that. “I need you to try for me okay? I can’t… I won’t stay if you don’t try.” 

“Are you blackmailing me with your presence?” Harry scoffed. 

“Yes,” Louis answered easily. “No meds, no Louis.” 

“I hate you,” Harry glares, pouting heavily. 

“Love you too.” Louis grins when he sees the smile pulling at Harry’s frown. 

-

The medication helps Harry a lot. Louis can tell by his attitude and smile that it helps. Harry even admits he’s feeling a little less cluttered and moody. Louis is happy to see he’s feeling better, however when Harry explains he has to get back to work, Louis changes his tone quickly. He’s afraid one night out will unravel all the hard work he’s putting in. 

“Harry, you do realise Benny is a huge part of the problem yeah?” He’s sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed, watching as he gets dressed. “I… I don’t want you triggering again.”

Harry chooses to ignore him, pulling on his boots. “I’ll see you later?” Louis doesn’t know that he’s thinking clearer than he has in a long time. 

“I’ll be here,” Louis says in defeat. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Harry leaves Louis behind and steps out his building, curling up against the cold wind. He takes his usual route and provides his regular services before making his way to the club. By the time he arrives, it’s half two in the morning and he wants nothing more than to be at curled around Louis in bed. But he’s here, and he’s on a mission. Little does Louis, Benny, Liam, everyone else know, tonight was his last night. He’d decided this the night Louis told him he was leaving. He knew he couldn’t go after him unless all of this shit was finished. He’d had a set back with his bender, but that had surprisingly made Harry more determined. He was done. He wanted freedom and he was going to get it. 

He meets Liam at the bar, reaching across to hug him quickly. He smiles as he takes a seat and asks for a tequila shot. 

“I’ll allow one. You know how wild you get Baby,” Liam teased gently as he grabbed the bottle and a glass. 

“I love you Li,” he tells him as he accepts the shot. 

Liam frowns at him. “Eh?” 

“You’ve been a good friend to me,” Harry told him. “And I just wanted you to know I love you for it.” 

Liam smiled at him across the bar, pouring himself his own shot. He clinks it against Harry and cheers; “To friends!” 

“To freedom,” Harry corrects before swallowing the liquor down quickly. He winks at Liam before pushing away from the bar. 

He hears his friend call after him but ignores it in order to slip through the crowd and head up to Benny’s. He opens the door, knowing Benjamin hardly ever locks it. He slips inside the empty flat and places the envelope from his coat jacket on the kitchen counter. He surveys the room for a moment, smiling at the memories he’s made here, both good and bad. He won’t miss them, and he knows that’s a good thing. 

He leaves and heads back into the crowd, charming his way through incase there’s eyes on him before slipping out of the club for the final time. Harry can’t believe how relieving it feels. His skin is glowing with neon pink as he picks up his phone and calls Louis. He instructs him to get dressed, bring the box at the front door and pick him up before hanging up. 

Louis pulls up twenty minutes later, looking awfully sleepy and rugged up in Harry’s clothes. 

“You okay?” He asks when Harry hops into the passenger side. He can feel Louis’ eyes dragging over him, inspecting him for injuries, a reason for his call. 

“Yeah Lou, I’m going to be,” Harry tells him as he buckled up. He turns to find Louis smile gently at him. He can’t help but lean over to kiss him softly. 

“Home then?” Louis asked him. 

“11 Jackson Drive, Doncaster please,” Harry told him, turning back to face the windscreen. 

“But,” Louis frowned at him, tilting his head curiously. “Harry, that’s my home.” 

“Exactly,” Harry said, pointing to the road. “Home.” 

Louis gave a small laugh and pulled away from the curb. “Okay.”  

Harry doesn’t look back, just kept his eyes forward as he laced his fingers with Louis’. He was free. 

-

After being told Harry had been up to his flat, Benjamin attempts to track the boy down. He heads upstairs and calls out for him, “Baby?” He catches sight of the envelope on his counter. He walks over, curious before ripping the seal open, ignoring the cash for the note tucked beside it. 

_ Benny, _

_ You once told me that no one would love me, that all I was worth was a good fuck. Well, I’m here to tell you that you were wrong. I’m with a boy who loves me. Loves  _ **_me_ ** _.  _

_ You took advantage of me Benjamin. And you fucked up a lot of things for me. But not Louis. He is sunshine and hope at its purest form. And I love him. That must hurt huh? I hope it does. Then maybe you’ll feel just a little slice of what I’ve had to endure.  _

_ But just know, I do forgive you. That’s probably surprising considering what you put me through, but I do. Because now I realise that I am my own person. I control my life. I can choose whether to live in the past or move on. That’s my decision. And no one else, including you has any say in that. You don’t own me. I am free. And I hope you have a good life Benny. Because I sure will. _

_ ~~Baby~~ _ _ Harry _

Benny’s react would surprise most. He chuckles to himself, smiling at the letter. “Good luck Baby,” he speaks as he scrunches it up. “I mean, Harry.” 

-

When they reach Louis’ house, the pair are barely keeping their eyes open. Louis leads them inside and the both crash onto his bed, passing out immediately. 

-

They sleep most of the day, dozing in and out tangled together in Louis’ bed. When the sun is just starting to set Louis wakes to a knock at the door.  He swings out of bed and frowns when he notices Harry isn’t beside him. “H?” He calls out before heading to answer the door. 

He pulls his front door open and lets out a surprised laugh. “Harry? What are you doing?”

Harry’s stood on his doorstep, hands clasped behind his back and he’s trying really hard not to laugh. He’s dressed in his clothes from the previous night but he’s still as stunning as ever. Louis wants to kiss him silly. 

“Hello there,” he starts. “I’m new to the neighbourhood and I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Harry. Harry Styles.”

Louis grins up at him, thrusting his hand out. “Louis Tomlinson. But curly boys call me Socks.”

Harry grins just as hard, reaching out to shake. “Nice to meet you. You know I knew a Louis once, but a lot of fucked up shit happened that couldn’t be forgotten. I’ve always wondered if he’d be happy to start over again?”

Louis bites back his smile, shaking his head. “I’m sure he’d be happy to if you just asked nicely.”

“Louis Tomlinson,” Harry says softly, eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun. “I never thought I could love someone. Or that someone could ever love me. But you’ve proved me wrong on that. You’ve proved me wrong on a lot of things. I know I’ve fucked up, and I probably will continue to fuck up, but do you think we could start this whole thing over?”

Louis’ smile is all crinkly and wet eyes. “Of course, of course we can.”

“And, if it’s not too much trouble,” Harry tells him. “I’d very much like to live here with you.”

“Hmmm,” Louis hums in thought, tapping at his chin. He’s so melodramatic. Harry loves him. “Only on one condition.”

“Anything,” Harry promises. 

“You give me just a little bit of your heart,” Louis speaks, and his voice is so soft and gooey it drapes Harry’s body in warmth. “And I’ll give you mine in return.”

Harry gives a wet laugh, eyes welling up. “Lou, you already have it. All of it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Then Louis is reaching for him, arms wrapping and legs lifting from the ground. Harry is quick to catch him, hands wrapping around his thighs as he hoists him up and presses their lips together. Louis holds Harry’s head in his hands as he kisses him, lips so soft and warm against Harry’s. It’s so intense and full of emotion, it makes everything else melt away. Harry feels his walls crumbling, his past blurring and his future is suddenly bright. It’s full of happiness and love and  _ Louis _ . And when they break away and he meets those blue blue eyes, he knows he’s finally where he belongs. 

“Question for you new roommate whom I know nothing about?” Louis asks once they break apart. His cheeks are a little wet from tears but he’s smiling so hard Harry knows his jaw must be aching. 

Harry laughs dumbly. “Yes?”

“Are you a wine drinker?”

“I was,” Harry answered. “But I’ve decided to try this new thing called ‘being sober’.”  

Louis eyes almost burst with how proud and fond he’s looking. “What shall be our new thing then?”

“Actually, I make a great cup of hot chocolate,” Harry tells him. 

Louis quirks his eyebrow. “Hot chocolate huh?”

“Best hot chocolate in Doncaster.”

“Is that a definite?” Louis asks him, lips pulling up into a smirk.

Harry smirks back, nodding.

“Oh, well, get in there and wow me,” Louis grins, motion Harry into his house.

Harry just laughs as he carries the boy back inside, kicking the door shut. He’s finally home. 

And as Harry listens from the couch, six years sober, sipping at a cup of tea, Collin in his lap as his husband read _ s  _ to their three year old in a silly voice, he feels so unbelievably glad he let that boy guide him home. That's a definite.


End file.
